What’s worse than being on the UK’s Sex Offender listing, getting expelled from Cambodia, and serving time in a Vietnamese prison for molesting two underage girls? Having your only recognizable hit song banned by the National Football League of course! Newsweek reports that the NFL, the nation’s upholders of moral standards and decency, has issued a statement to its teams suggesting they discontinue playing ex-glam star and convicted child sex offender Gary Glitter’s "Rock and Roll Part Two."

It’s been rough sailing for Glitter (born Paul Francis Gadd) over the past decade; dude just can’t get a break in this child porn/molestation racket, can he? Earlier this summer, a Vietnamese court upheld charges of child-molestation, meaning the former glam-rocker (as my Dad would describe him) will be serving three years in jail. Original charges of child rape were dropped last December due to a lack of evidence. In 1999, Glitter finally pleaded guilty to 54 charges of possessing child pornography after computer files were confiscated two years previously. The aged glamster has been been living in the southern Vietnamese resort of Vung Tau for the last year and has maintained that he is innocent claiming it all to be part of a conspiracy by UK tabloids.

A player, who only wanted to be known as Jacques "the cacques" Wacktackle may have given this quote regarding the NFL’s statement, "I think this is a thing that has to be done. I mean, we get up to a lot of craziness on the road, but this is simply unacceptable. Animals are one thing, kids are another, I think. We’ve got to draw the line somewhere and play as a team and give 110 percent..." He then grunt-exhaled and pulled out the andro needle from his bum vein.

Certainly we haven’t heard the last of this sure-fire audio crowd crack? NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told venerable news outlet E! Online, "Most of the teams understand the reasons, and ultimately, it’s their decision, but we encourage them not to play it. In terms of the music that’s played, pre-game or halftime, that’s controlled by the teams, not the NFL."

So while teams like the Denver Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs have dumped the song from their stadium repertoire and chosen tunes for fans and from their suggestions (Big Bad Voodoo Daddy’s "Go Daddy-o" and P.O.D.’s "Boom" respectively), there are rumors that others won’t give up the Glitter ghost so soon and may stick to the "it’s the singer, not the song" adage and use cover versions of "The Hey Song" (as it’s more commonly known to football jockeys) to use during games.

Key-rist there’s so many questions this limp, league-issued boycott provokes: What sort of effect will not playing this stadium standard have on fan participation (fingers are crossed for less "waves" and more streakers). Will this spur other leagues to think about issuing a similar "ban"? Will the NFL take this as a starting point and start to address the sick amount of problems associated with the league and its players that are too numerous to mention here but can be guessed at by re-reading the title of this story? What are the chances of Glitter’s possible rendition of "Sweet Child O’ Mine" ever seeing the light of day (so, soooo sorry everyone...)? Will the super-successful NFL Europe follow suit and suggest banning the song? Well, we can only say we don’t know and we don’t give a flying...duh, nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh...hey! duh nuh nuh nuh... TMT says good riddence to bad garbage, and bad tuneage too.

You all ready for the revolution? The website known to many as a "horrrendous use of code" or "the worst website coding in the world" is going to be entering the lucritive music download sales market. Not content to abuse the RAM of every computer whose web browser points at it, the megasite (who actually achieved more hits than Google or YouTube recently) decided that they needed to spread more DRM-friendly music all over the world.

The plan is to enable artist webpages to sell MP3 files directly from their MySpace site, as well as set their own prices. The profits earned by the sale of these files will then be split with the man who is everyone’s friend, Tom.

Unfortunately, the project managers neglected to remember that the entirety of TMT’s readership will be banning MySpace for their corporate whoredom, and thus, their budgets will likely be out of balance.

Millions of TMT readers can’t be wrong!

I come from an NPR household. Translation: My dad is to Garrison Keillor as People magazine is to Brangelina. As a young squirt, I often complained about A Prairie Home Companion during dinner, as I had important playground tales to report, unlike this boring man who sounded like he had a penchant for talking with peanut butter in his mouth. (Disclaimer: G-Keil and I are best buds now. I think he’s the most.)

Soon, I realized I was very different from the other kids. My freakdom even extended to other forms of household media. "What do you MEAN there are more than six TV channels!?" I felt cheated, and to add insult to injury, I didn’t see an episode of Saved By the Bell until I was 14.

But obviously, my parents did something right, because my life has reached its pinnacle — Joe’s letting me close the store tonight, AND I get to announce a delicious little piece of news a la NPR, AND someone ate enough crazy for breakfast to let me post it on this fine internet establishment known as TMT.

Behold: NPR Music Online! Wanna feast your ears on that live Sleater-Kinney show from the 9:30 Club? Done. Got an inexplicable urge to hear Fiona Apple discuss why she is neither a Fiona nor an Apple? Baby, you got it. And of course, there are opera & orchestral tunes a-plenty, because come on, this is NPR. (Disclaimer #2: I happen to love those philharmonic jams. Stravinsky is a neo-classical rock star, and I’ll bean y’all over the head with my cello bow if you disagree.)

Moment of truth: not all tracks will be totally free ’n’ easy, but hey, we can dream, right? And if you’ve really got beef, feel free to create a clever username (e.g. ITotallyHeartTerriGross, MorningEditionIsMyBoyfriend) and practice your free speech privs on their shiny new message board. You may or may not see me there, and my handle may or may not be IraGlassIsMyBoy.

Uh, I mean — just kidding?

Up-and-coming band suffer from equipment theft: It’s a story that’s becoming (sadly) ever more familiar. The Spinto Band can probably count themselves lucky that just a mandolin got nicked. But! Look closer and the whole thing gets a bit weird: someone’s pulled some serious Ocean’s 11-style shit here.

For one thing, the thief lifted the thing right off the stage during the freakin’ performance. Not only that, it was taken from Manchester’s Academy 3 — a microscopic, scummy dive on the third floor of the city’s student union. To get an idea of the audacity of the thing, open up the icebox in your fridge, stuff five of your best buds inside, and fill your kitchen with screaming drunks. Now try pulling the ice-cream out without anyone noticing. Hard, wasn’t it?

I mean, yeah, sure, the robber’s probably just some asshole, but you’ve gotta have respect for hijinks like that. Dude’s probably sipping martinis in a tux on a pedal-powered plane right now, trailing a banner reading "BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME, THE SPINTO BAND!"

"This instrument has little monetary worth, but provides a wealth of sentimental value to us," the band stated on their website. "It is a Kay electric mandolin with a wood sunburst finish, white pickguard, and a crack in the headstock."

"We are prepared to offer healthy reward upon its return. In addition, if the mandolin is received before we play Reading/Leeds, the person who delivers it will be offered tickets to those events." Sadly, the Reading and Leeds festivals have passed, no doubt leading The Spinto Band to shake their fists impotently at the sky and yell, "DAMN YOU, MANDOLIN MARAUDER!"

If you’re still pissed at the robber, try imagining the Spinto dude’s "wuh-wuh-WUH?" as he goes for the mandolin and grabs at empty air.