This just in: someone must have told Pacific Northwestern doily-rockers Death Cab for Cutie that they could, you know, make more money by playing more shows on their upcoming Spring romp through North America (a.k.a. "Death Cab Country") in support of their upcoming Atlantic Records release, Narrow Stairs. Rather savvily, the band decided that making as much money as possible before Ben "Hey Ya’ll" Gibbard gets any MORE BEAUTIFUL would be a very good thing — so, yeah, they are going to go ahead and play all of these dates.

But enough with this "objective reporting" bullshit. What exactly does this mean to YOU, the jilted TMT reader?

Well... plenty, I reckon!

For example, I guess it means that, if you have younger cousins or something, it’s now your duty to stick to them like glue and make sure they don’t waste their mom and step-dad’s money on concert tickets? And who among us doesn’t relish an opportunity to be responsible??

Or maybe it means that you and your buddies have a new summertime record to "enjoy ironically"? You do that sometimes, right?

Or it could mean that you’ve got a whole new Ben Gibbard lyric sheet to crib from when you’re trying to seal the deal with that uptight girl/guy from work.

See, Death Cab might even get you laid! Now aren’t you glad you didn’t scroll past this shit?

Right. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to devote the rest of my morning to formating this now-sizable list of tourdates for this shell of a band. Have a super day, everyone!

04.18.08 - Bremerton, WA - Admiral Theatre 04.19.08 - Eugene, OR - McDonald Theatre 04.21.08 - Arcata, CA - Humboldt State University (Van Duzer Theatre) 04.22.08 - Davis, CA - UC Davis (Freeborn Hall) 04.23.08 - San Francisco, CA - The Fillmore 04.24.08 - Las Vegas, NV - The Joint / Hard Rock Hotel 04.26.08 - Indio, CA - Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival 05.09.08 - Providence, RI - Providence Piers 05.10.08 - Boston, MA - Bank of America Pavilion 05.24.08 - Bend, OR - Les Schwab Amphitheater 05.25.08 - Quincy, WA - Sasquatch Music Festival (The Gorge) 05.26.08 - Lehi, UT - Thanksgiving Point 05.28.08 - Morrison, CO - Red Rocks Amphitheatre 06.02.08 - Minneapolis, MN - Orpheum Theatre 06.03.08 - Chicago, IL - Millennium Park (Pritzker Pavilion) 06.06.08 - Montreal, QC - Jacques Cartier Pier 06.07.08 - Toronto, ON - Toronto Olympic Island 06.09.08 - Columbia, MD - Merriweather Post Pavilion 06.10.08 - Brooklyn, NY - McCarren Park Pool 06.12.08 - Philadelphia, PA - Mann Center for Performing Arts 06.13.08 - Cleveland, OH - Plain Dealer Pavilion 06.14.08 - Indianapolis, IN - White River State Lawn 06.15.08 - Manchester, TN - Bonnaroo Festival 06.17.08 - Grand Prarie, TX - Nokia Theatre 06.19.08 - Mesa, AZ - Mesa Amphitheatre 06.21.08 - Berkeley, CA - Greek Theatre Berkeley 07.27.08 - Pemberton, BC - Pemberton Festival 08.09.08 - Tokyo, JP - Summer Sonic Festival 08.10.08 - Osaka, JP - Summer Sonic Festival