As a TMT reader, you’ve probably heard of Architecture in Helsinki by now. But perhaps you’ve been too insecure to attend one of their concerts. Maybe you’re worried that there are enough members in the band to beat you up if you accidentally singe them with your pants, which you have unconsciously removed and set ablaze while caught up in the swelling energy of the music. Or maybe you’ve never seen a glockenspiel before and don’t want the magic of that word ruined for you.

It’s okay to be afraid. I’ll take you through this step by step:

This fall, the Australian musicians that everyone loves to count, Architecture in Helsinki, will tour across Western Europe and North America. They will be joined on 12 European dates by YACHT, with whom they shared shows earlier this summer.

Architecture in Helsinki will be playing songs from their new album, the half hour of power Places Like These (TMT Review). You can listen to part of the album on their MySpace page and download the single “Heart It Races” for free here. I suggest that you purchase the full album, as you will be required to hum every melody flawlessly in order to enter the concert. Those who fail to do so will be shrunk to the size of a grain of sand and forced to live out their years in Gus Franklin’s hair until they are eventually murdered by lice. Since the new LP is so short (don’t say it), chances are the band will play earlier works as well. So you should also buy the two preceding albums, Fingers Crossed and In Case We Die, just to be safe. Oh, and on their last tour, they played the Degrassi Junior High theme song, so you had better download and memorize that as well, if you want to avoid a most gruesomely absurd fate.

In order to ready yourself for the unfamiliar levels of quirkiness you’ll experience once inside the concert, I suggest that you watch the music videos for “Heart it Races” and “Hold Music.” While in Paris, Architecture in Helsinki recorded two live hootenannies for the zine La Blogotheque. While not typical AiH concert fare, they may provide an essential stepping stone that will save you from the raw shock and trauma of seeing a live band unprepared. In recent years, hundreds of people have lost consciousness due to the sheer number of instruments present at Architecture in Helsinki concerts (science has proven that the average human threshold is a 3:1 instrument-to-performer ratio).

If you’re still uncomfortable, Architecture in Helsinki put out an EP with tourmates Clap Your Hands Say Yeah and Takka Takka containing two live AiH tracks. This precious elixir was only sold on the tour, but I’m sure you can figure that one out on your own if you want the extra safety. Or you can always just carry a pear in your left pocket.

Now you can have fun as correctly and safely as possible:

08.31.07 - Cambridge, England - Lodestar Festival 09.01.07 - Stradbally, Ireland - Electric Picnic Festival 09.04.07 - Bristol, England - Thekla Social 09.05.07 - Leeds, England - Brudenell Social Club 09.06.07 - Manchester, England - Academy 3 09.07.07 - Isle of Wight, England - Bestival 09.10.07 - London, England - Koko 09.11.07 - Sheffield, England - Plug 09.12.07 - Reading, England - Fez Club 09.13.07 - Kingston Upon Thames, England - New Slang at the Works 09.14.07 - Nottingham, England - Rescue Rooms 09.15.07 - Dorset, England - End of the Road Festival 09.16.07 - Brighton, England - Concorde 2 09.18.07 - Paris, France - La Maroquinerie # 09.19.07 - Bielefeld, Germany - Forum # 09.20.07 - Berlin, Germany - Columbia Halle # 09.21.07 - Vienna, Austria - Szene # 09.22.07 - Munich, Germany - Ampere # 09.24.07 -Milano, Italy - Transilvania # 09.25.07 -Zuich, Switzerland - Rote Fabrik # 09.26.07 - Bordeaux, France - Le Krakatoa # 09.27.07 - Toulouse, France - Le Ramier # 09.28.07 - Marseille, France - Marsatac Festival # 09.29.07 - Strasbourg. France - Ososphere Festival # 09.30.07 - Dusseldorf, Germay - Zakk # 10.10.07 - Philadelphia, PA - Starlight Ballroom 10.11.07 - New York, NY - The Gramercy Theatre 10.12.07 - Brooklyn, NY - Studio B 10.13.07 - Boston, MA - Paradise Rock Club 10.14.07 - Buffalo, NY - The Tralf Music Hall 10.16.07 - Chicago, IL - Metro 10.17.07 - Toronto, Ontario - The Opera House 10.19.07 - Montreal, Quebec - La Tulipe 10.22.07 - Detroit, MI - TBA 10.23.07 - Madison, WI - High Noon Saloon 10.24.07 - Minneapolis, MN - 400 Bar 10.25.07 - Lawrence, KS - TBA 10.26.07 - Denver, CO - Ogden Theater 10.27.07 -Salt Lake City, UT - In the Venue 10.29.07 - Seattle, WA - The Showbox 10.30.07 - Portland, OR - Crystal Ballroom 10.31.07 - Eugene, OR - WOW Hall 11.01.07 - San Francisco, CA - Fillmore 11.02.07 - San Diego, CA - House of Blues 11.05.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour 11.06.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour 11.07.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour 11.09.07 - Tucson, AZ - Solar Culture 11.10.07 -Tucson, AZ - Solar Culture 11.12.07 - Oklahoma City, OK - Opolis 11.13.07 - Denton, TX - Hailey’s 11.14.07 - Austin, TX - Emo’s 11.15.07 - New Orleans, LA - The Republic 11.16.07 - Tallahassee, FL - Club Downunder

# YACHT