Dear Jens Baby Sweetheart,

Things could always be worse.

Like, for instance, rather than your likely frustration with the public thinking your name was “Rocky Dennis,” (due to confusion over the Mask-inspired song title “Rocky Dennis’ Goodbye Song to the Blind Girl” back in the earlier ‘00s), you could have, say, had your little sister Sarah agree with you when you mentioned that you thought in your old age you would look like your hefty, poofy-haired high school teacher of the past.

Crying shame.

Eating my heart out, aiming for 100 extra lbs, old and new tourdates:

01.15.08 - Sydney, Australia - Vanguard 01.21.08 - Bangalow, Australia - A & I Hall 02.14.08 - Istanbul, Turkey - Babylon 02.15.08 - Copenhagen, Denmark - Vega 02.16.08 - Berlin, Germany - Lido 02.18.08 - Turin, Italy - El Barrio 02.19.08 - Ravenna, Italy - Teatro Rasi 02.20.08 - Geneva, Switzerland - PTR-Usine 02.21.08 - St. Gallen, Switzerland - Palace 02.22.08 - Florence, Italy - Viper Club 02.23.08 - Munich, Germany - Atomic Cafe 02.24.08 - Frankfurt, Germany - Mousonturm 02.25.08 - Nijmegen, Netherlands - Dommroosje 02.26.08 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso 02.27.08 - Paris, France - Nouveau Casino 02.28.08 - Brussels, Belgium - AB Club 02.29.08 - Antwerp, Belgium - Trix 03.01.08 - Cologne, Germany - Gebaude 9 03.02.08 - Hamburg, Germany - Molotow 03.13.08 - Austin, TX - Mohawk (SXSW SC Showcase) 03.14.08 - Dallas, TX - Granada 03.21.08 - Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theatre 03.22.08 - San Francisco, CA - Bimbo’s 365 Club 03.23.08 - San Francisco, CA - Bottom Of The Hill 03.24.08 - Portland, OR - Berbati’s 03.25.08 - Seattle, WA - Neumos Crystal Ball Reading Room 03.29.08 - Milwaukee, WI - Pabst Theatre 03.30.08 - Madison, WI - Music Hall 03.31.08 - Chicago, IL - Logan Square 04.01.08 - Columbus, OH - Wexner Center For The Arts 04.02.08 - Washington DC - Black Cat 04.04.08 - Boston, MA - Paradise 04.05.08 - New York, NY - Webster Hall 05.09.08 - Camber Sands, United Kingdom - ATP Vs. P4K 05.10.08 - Camber Sands, United Kingdom - ATP Vs. P4K 05.11.08 - Camber Sands, United Kingdom - ATP Vs. P4K 05.16.08 - Minehead, United Kingdom - All Tomorrows Parties 05.17.08 - Minehead, United Kingdom - All Tomorrows Parties 05.18.08 - Minehead, United Kingdom - All Tomorrows Parties

[Photo: Kristin Lidell]