Crispy Christian Tea Time! The Robot Ate Me LIVE!

I’d rather move on with the world and quit living in the past. Last Friday night, I had this brilliant idea to try to contact the man behind The Robot Ate Me, Ryland Bouchard, and see how he felt about playing TMT’s fake fest this summer. Would he be pissed at us or in tears over the hoax? Who knows? But one thing is for sure: My plan fell through. Although I would still hope that Bouchard got a kick out of the whole thing, TRAM (is that an official abbreviation?) will be touring like a motherfucker this summer. The TMT staff would love to make it to a show to apologize and fraternize, but unfortunately for the rest of our lives, we will be bombarded with many pestilential class-action lawsuits. Looks like the robot ate us this time around.

Nonetheless, I strongly encourage everyone to support Bouchard and his twisted-but-pleasing way of bringing forth music to masses of ears. Still riding off the success of Good World, Bouchard will be touring all of this good land called America. I’ll admit Bouchard’s lo-fi "splendorific" music has inspired me over the years. If I’m ever frustrated with living in the United States, I always have my own personal musical creations that take me to a whole other place. That’s exactly what Bouchard does for me. I’m on cloud 15. I know some people are like, "Well, if you don’t like America then you can get the fuck out!" Folks, that is simply not true. I abhor our freedom when we use it to make pointless YouTube videos with Mentos and Diet Coke, but I couldn’t leave if I tried. Living in the United States for some is just like going to Wal-Mart. Nobody wants to be at Wal-Mart, but they always end up there anyway.

My point is that The Robot Ate Me is as American as vaginal irrigation, thus sparking the imaginations of creative little boys all over. So do as Emceegreg tells you to, and go see TRAM. I know what’s cool, and you’re not cool if you don’t listen to me. There will be many sick beats and good times had. What more could you ask for?

Bicentennial Man was a bad robot movie; tourdates:

04.05.07 - Pasco, WA - Columbia Basin College 04.05.07 - Clarkston, WA - Muddy Waters 04.06.07 - Seattle, WA - Atlas Clothing 04.07.07 - Bellingham, WA - Western Washington University 04.08.07 - Vancouver, BC - Lamplighter 04.09.07 - Kelowna, BC - Whitehouse Night Gallery 04.10.07 - Calgary, AB - HiFi Club 04.11.07 - Edmonton, AB - Victory Lounge 04.12.07 - Saskatoon, SK - The Red Shift Gallery 04.13.07 - Winnipeg, MB - The Royal Albert 04.14.07 - Chicago, IL - South Union Arts 04.15.07 - Toronto, ON - Sneaky Dee’s - Wavelength 04.16.07 - Ottawa, ON - Argyle House 04.17.07 - Montreal, QC - Green Room 04.18.07 - Syracuse, NY - 821 Westcott St. 04.19.07 - Middletown, CT - Wesleyan University 04.20.07 - Ithaca, NY - Buzzsaw Haircut 04.22.07 - Brooklyn, NY - Union Pool 04.23.07 - NYC, NY - Piano’s 04.24.07 - Philadelphia, PA - Mouse Trap House 04.25.07 - Knoxville, TN - beast Warz House 04.26.07 - Greenville, NC - Spazz Gallery 04.27.07 - Winston Salem, NC - The Werehouse 04.28.07 - Charleston, SC - House Show 04.30.07 - Birmingham, AL - The Bottletree 05.01.07 - Madison, WI - Cafe Montmartre 05.02.07 - Minneapolis, MN - Triple Rock 05.03.07 - Northfield, MN - Carleton College 05.04.07 - Omaha, NE - Hotel Frank (38th Ave and Farnam) 05.05.07 - Kansas City, MO - The Pistol 05.07.07 - Wichita, KS - The Electric Snake 05.09.07 - Denton, TX - Rubber Gloves 05.11.07 - Denver, CO - Hi-Dive 05.12.07 - Salt Lake City, UT - Kilby Court 05.13.07 - Las Vegas, NV - TBA 05.15.07 - Phoenix, AZ - The Trunkspace 05.18.07 - San Diego, CA - TBA 05.19.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Hyperion Tavern 05.20.07 - Sacramento, CA - The Java Lounge