You Might Be a Liar if You Read This News Story and Hint that You Didn’t Find it at Least as Indulgently Enjoyable as Drum’s Not Dead

Yew also might be a Liar if... you went to Disney’s Wild Hogs and told your wife you “didn’t really feel comfortable” with the skinny-dipping scenes

Yew might be a Liar if... you applied for a job as a satellite-dish installation expert after earning a journalism degree and told yourself you didn’t feel like a total sell-out.

Yew might be a Liar if... you worked with Grant at a sporting-goods store and said you didn’t take the money missing from the upstairs vault, all the while watching poor Grant get harassed by Rathdrum, Idaho police and forced to take a lie-detector test he knew from research would only be 60-70% accurate.

Yew might be a Liar if... you were to slate the release of your fourth, self-titled album for August 28.

Yew might be a Liar if... you told your wife your sleep-moaning last night wasn’t the result of a dream about, to put it lightly, a case of Jungle Fever.

Yew might be a Liar if... you told your mom you didn’t believe in God anymore and thus wouldn’t be attending church when you really just wanted to watch football.

Yew might be a Liar if... you swore up-and-down to Rathdrum, Idaho police that you didn’t steal the money... (but, you know, probably not).

Yew might be a Liar if... you said your upcoming album would be released care of white vinyl, CD, and digital formats.

Yew might be a Liar if... you told your boss on a long road trip that his karaoke-on-CD “sounded, you know, pretty good ... I mean, you know, not great, but it’s good.”

Yew might be a Lair if... you assured your wife that the boxers she got you don’t cramp your motzo balls.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said –- while you definitely didn’t steal the money –- that you didn’t at least steal a few batteries and a cool-ass butterfly knife from said sporting goods store.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said your new album is more “practical,” with traditional approaches to song structure and instrument usage.

You might be a Liar if... you said you didn’t have to edit out a zillion “like” and “you know”s when you interviewed Karen O years ago.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said you didn’t know how your DUI fees were magically paid off in full a few weeks after Grant successfully passed his lie-detector test.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said you didn’t write this news post when you were supposed to be working.

Yew might be a Liar if... you said you “never felt like a songwriter” until you wrote the music for your aforementioned fourth album.

You might be a Liar if... you said you wouldn’t prefer to read your music news without all the fancy-pants frills.

Yew might be a Liar (or something akin to one) if... you’re one of the cud-chomping, redneck yahoos responsible for keeping lie-detector tests admissible in the Idaho court of law.

You might be a Liar if... you claimed bringing up Angus Andrews’ lover isn’t a cheap, all-in-all lousy thing to do.

You might be a Liar if... you said the tracklisting for your upcoming album is as follows:

1. Plaster Casts Of Everything 2. Houseclouds 3. Leather Prowler 4. Sailing To Byzantium 5. What Would They Know 6. Cycle Time 7. Freak Out 8. Pure Unevil 9. Clear Island 10. The Dumb In The Rain 11. Protection

You might be a Liar if... you claimed this news post wasn’t about your life, down to the seediest detail.