I don’t want to be your friend. I hate you. You tried to talk to me in the cafeteria pizza line the other day when I was just trying to get my pizza and leave. You asked me how I’d been doing, complimented my new sneakers, and said, “We should hang out some time! Like old times.”
“But I don’t want to hang out with you, because you’re stupid, because you… you…” wait, why am I reminding you? “Do you have amnesia, or did you forget that I scribble your name on my (OLD) sneakers in sharpie, that I took you to meet my parents, that I made you a cute little hat out of tinfoil and glued-on spaghetti (that you NEVER wore, by the way)? What about the time I told you I loved you? And the way you reacted? Didja forget? Guess ya did. Ok, spoiler - it involved a lack of pants and Susie from my pottery class. Really?
You know, some species of lizards can get their tail cut off and *FWIP* it grows back, easy as pie. Well, honey, sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I’m not a lizard. What’s done is done. So when you try to kiss me in the elevator later, I hope you don’t take it the wrong way when I laugh in your face. Because I have so much more self respect, y’know? “You’re Not Good Enough.”
Seriously, stop trying to talk to me in the pizza line, Matt, it’s never going to happen. ‘Cause, to reiterated, and in the words of Blood Orange’s new single, off their new album Cupid Delux: “You’re Not Good Enough” (streaming below):