HEY LADIES! Not trying to stress you out, but Valentine’s Day is only a little more than 100 days away, which means you have only a matter of months to convince your hubby that you love him lots!! It’s okay, though, Tiny Mix Tapes has got you. With a little help from our good friend Justin Timberlake, we’ve come up with five super sexy tips to help you keep the salsa of your love life nice and zesty by the time ol’ February rolls around — inspired by the pop star’s new clip for “TKO.” Enjoy!
1. To be a goddess in your man’s heart, you have to be willing to show him who’s boss. The next time he’s sitting on the couch watching Storage Wars or trying to get some kitchen nookie, whack him on the head with a frying pan and proceed to drag him through the wasteland.. WITH HIS OWN PICKUP! That’s how you fight the patriarchy, ladies. And your guy’ll love the enthusiasm!
2. Nothing says “I love you” quite like wearing your guy’s favorite shirt. Feel free to sulk about his pad in it, and make sure to slap away his hands when he tries to touch you. That’s hot!
3. The next time you want to get frisky, grab the back of his head and yank, all the while staring at him like he’s one of the Congressmen responsible for the government shutdown. To spice it up even more, be sure to yell out “Thanks, Obama!” while you do it.
4. Who said dinnertime couldn’t be sexy? When you want to get down to business RIGHT NOW, throw a bowl of salad on the ground (extra points if the bowl is glass!!) and threaten to kill your hubby with your “coochie-coo” like you just killed that bowl of salad. Metaphorically. Damn!
5. The grand finale that’ll really send him ;) over the edge: make sure to jump out of his pickup at the last minute and roll to safety, shooting a “sry not sry” glance at him as he skids ever closer to his doom! Then find a new boy. Rinse. Repeat.
Happy Hunk Hunting!
If playing back the four vinyl sides of Forse 1 at skull-rending decibel levels earlier this year hasn’t already resulted in neighbors’ complaints, police intervention, and the relocation of your loved ones to a “Volume Safe Zone” outside of the range of your audio setup, it’s not too late: Alessandro Cortini is set to release two more 2xLPs (!!) in his Forse series on Important Records. The Nine Inch Nails collaborator and Trash Audio collective member got down to work in what I imagine could only be an insulated subterranean bunker crammed with rack-mounted electronics and exotic synthesizers to cook up dozens of solo synth sessions throughout the course of one month — 10 of which constitute Forse 2, due November 26. Like the last volume in the series, Cortini executed these tracks on a lone Buchla Music Easel, a synth as legendary for its expansive analog tones as for its extremely limited edition. Only 13 original Easel units are presently accounted for — that is, until Buchla’s 40-year anniversary edition hits the market and like anyone can just wake up one morning and jump on the Buchla Bandwagon, amiright? Imagine: lil’ would-be Subotnicks patching their rigs together on every street corner; Don Buchla (and Bob Moog) namechecks in Top 40 hits; the cruel memes issued from both sides of the 1/4-inch vs. 1/8-inch patch cable debate.
“Canta,” our first taste of Forse 2, is the rare promo track that almost renders the forthcoming album unnecessary in its shadow. I.E., I could loop “Canta” five or so times straight through at max volume and consider that 45-ish minutes a successful listening experience. Hit play on the SoundCloud widget below and allow the rhythm of Cortini’s steady oscillations to become the intrinsic rhythm of your brain. Cutoff knobs turn, and both lower- and upper-register phrases thicken into the high-protein versions of their former selves. Chord progressions propelled by arpeggiated lead lines and massive bass notes cover more harmonic ground here than in any other Forse session so far. As long as Cortini continues to fill sides of wax with sublime slo-mo narratives sculpted from the elemental tones and limited voices of a decades-old synth system, I will continue to turn up the volume well beyond reasonable levels.
So, I been driving to work without a radio. This drastically effects ME knowledge of what is new in ME favorite broadcast communities. However, it gives me time to TRIP off my phone speaker. But today, I had the opportunity to drive a Maybach today with kickin’ woofers, and 2 Chainz’s single “Used 2” popped on, and the whole neighborhood KNEW it. I’ve “sat down” with B.O.A.T.S. II: Me Time a bunch, but haulin’ this luxury all across Oceanside, while climaxing every swagasm bum in Mannie Fresh’s beat was REAL cruisin’ heaven. On a Monday. At 10 AM. And I was paid to do it.
“I Won’t Wait”
When TMT staffers get sick of sitting around sharing cute animal pics (just kiddin’, folks: we’d never get sick of that), we seek other outlets to gain that sugar rush. And there hasn’t been anything as naïvely, boppily, bittersweetly, janglily (is that even a word?) adorable this year as The Creases’ “I Won’t Wait.” These Brisbane (AU) boys are giving The La’s “There She Goes” a run for their money. A run down the supermarket aisle, that is… with all of $5.50 ASD in their pockets, which is what the clip cost to make. The apple-biting may be an amorous metaphor, but given the charmingly callow exuberance on display here, I wouldn’t count on it — better to say, an indie song is a lot like an orange: first you have the skin, then the sweet, sweet innards.
Find “I Won’t Wait” on The Creases’ debut 7-inch on Rough Trade Records out November 11, and available for pre-order!
Wave Temples, Uton, Terlu, JCCG
Dept Tapes Batch
BREAKING-ish NEWS!!1!1!: Dept Tapes have just mercilessly offloaded a gargantuan collection of thoroughbred choons upon an unsuspecting public. From far and wide, four artists have managed to magnetize their music purely for your delectation, and for the price of 1.25062531266 packets of pens from South Korea, you can gain access to this vast temple of musical delight:
Enjoy a rumble in the local park with Uton.
Surf away with Wave Temples.
Warble along with Terlu.
Last but not least, don’t forget to play guitar from afar with JCCG.
Out now buy it now!! ALSO, coming soon: Mother’s Breast, Monte/Magnétophonique, Dolphin Tears, Avocados, and Invisible Path.
• Dept Tapes: http://departmenttapes.tumblr.com
Chocolate Grinder Mix 94
“Fuck You in Five”
Hardly is how much I remember outside that moment. It felt exposed in a burst of one button. Maybe another. As the reality of it all came rushing into a moment none other than before, surges of anything else didn’t matter. Molecule after atom, or the other way around, besieged emotion from emptiness, and the slip of the lip made the tip flick a bit. There was a whisper, maybe. Something outside of what was trajectory. Silence overcame the switch. And that was all a lie. Actually, I don’t know what that was; I had nothing else to write about. And I didn’t want to write, “Yeah, I made this mix in five hours” or “All of these musicians will be on my top 50 of 2013; half will make top 10 of 2013.” The entire mix is a whisper, pretty much. It’s nice.
Stream below, and subscribe to our podcast here. Hi!
[00:00] Giant Claw - “Dark Web001”
[02:00] 18+ - “Crow”
[04:54] Free Weed - “Get it 2Nite”
[05:42] Sapphire Slows - “Dry Fruits”
[08:58] Nicolas - “Confusion”
[11:56] D/P/I - “TRUST”
[13:32] Beat Detectives - “Picture of a Picture”
[14:25] Arca - “Obelisk”
[17:08] PLVS VLTRA - “White Elephant”
[19:19] coolmemoryz - “s ス p プ i ラ r イ i ト t”