食品まつりa.k.a foodman

oiss EP

In a few months time, foodman has tackled performance art that teaches children to draw, has caused neon pulses to emit from your vehicle — heck, there’s even been a riveting mythological history written about the guy. Now, he’s released his SICK oiss EP, his second release on Paisley Park’s Бh○§† imprint. This guy’s on FIRE.

But for real, leave it to foodman to give us some beat-shit that is simultaneously FUNCTIONAL and ABSTRACT. I’m sitting here trying to figure out the ratio: is it 50% functional, 50% abstract? NO man, that track “yoro piku piku” is straight-up club-functional in the way it goes hard! But wait, shit, that track “house” is total “post-beat swag,” I mean it’s like __[insert reference here]__-level abstract. Okay, I’ll conclude the oiss EP is 100% FUNCTIONAL / 100% ABSTRACT, evening out to 200% REAL.

I guess that’s the virtue of Shokuhin Maturi a.k.a. foodman, there’s a little something for everyone here: the kids, the freaks, futuristic NASCAR drivers, comic book nerds, etc. Beat-heads are gonna love the addicting, classically jittery rhythms that introduce themselves loud-and-proud, “HEY <3 NICE TO MEET YU.” But seriously, just take in that jokey trumpet bouncing around in the aforementioned track “house,” and it’s clear that foodman’s mastering AND challenging all kinds of genres with each release.

The man’s on a roll, I mean, an especially tasty roll , seeing how he’s the “foodman” and all. KEEP IT COMING!

Scope his oiss EP here:

• 食品まつりa.k.a foodman:
• Бh○§†:



Fuck you. I’m covering a RiFF RAFF affiliated track. Nobody actually knows who that dude in the red/black shirt is in relation to “HOW TO BE THE MAN” (OFFiCiAL TEXAS REMiX ViDEO). Maybe he just rolled up on ‘em and acted like he owned the place. And by place, I mean the abandoned market behind them that’s (maybe) a galleria of different drug manufacturing operations. Or, it’s just about to be torn down and hanging there right before is beyond Lil B #VERYRARE. The video is whack too, but I’m down for it as a head-rest screen banger. Haven’t heard about PAUL WALL in a LONNNNNNNG ASS minute either, but he probably realized this prior to being invited to participate in “HOW TO BE THE MAN” (OFFiCiAL TEXAS REMiX ViDEO), thinking to himself, “Next time I gotta KILL it!” ….he actually does too!

SLiM THUG’s part as the only other raci…. WHOA!!!! Damn it. God damn it, I just LOL’d so hard at RiFF RAFF’s BET tattoo that my asshole laughed harder and there’s shit just oozing out cracks and the noxious smell is seeping into my nostrils and nostrils of work neighbors and people are looking around as “HOW TO BE THE MAN” (OFFiCiAL TEXAS REMiX ViDEO) flares off very clearly from my headphones on my desk and people have noticed me sweating, but if I get up, I can’t EVER come back here, so in conclusion — as my seat starts to soak and my butt skin starts to wrinkle like your fingers do if you’re in the pool too long — FUCK RiFF RAFF!!!!


Vehicle Blues

“Luke Song”

After releasing the excellent Letter Writer tape on Pretty All Right Records earlier this year, Lillerne Tapes founder and Vehicle Blues guitar whisperer Gabe Holocombe is right back to it with “Luke Song” from his upcoming 7-inch (and vinyl debut) on Lake Paradise Records. Steeped in those summer-break-paced, shoegaze strums and the familiar got-nowhere-to-be vocal wisps, the track at first seemed like a cover of the Kraft Macaroni & Cheese classic jingle “I’ve Got the Blues” (I thought the lyrics were “Mommy’s got the night off, Daddy’s running the show/ You want to keep me happy, here’s what you got to know/ I want the blues, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese/ The Vehicle Blues/ If Daddy wants to please me, he’s only got to cheese me/ I’ve got the blues”), but no: “Luke Song” is actually a Vehicle Blues original. I’s just misinterpreting the lyrics through all the haze. Sorry ya’ll. You know how it goes: once you’ve heard the lyrics your way, it’s always so difficult to unhear them, innit?

The “Luke Song” 7-inch is out June 10 on Chicago’s Lake Paradise Records. Pre-orders are open now and highly recommended, as only 200 of these gems were pressed. I’ve got the blues! Do you?

• Vehicle Blues:
• Lake Paradise Records:
• Kraft Foods:



In need of an impassioned kiss, but are lipless? If so, then boy do I have something to fill that lipless hole you call a mouth. Ahwlee — tender lover and seasoned beat vet — just got all plastic and metallic with his latest cassette on Paxico Records, and he can’t wait to play a little tonsil hockey with ya… you know, aurally. Oh, wait. I was thinking of orally…

Uh, anyway, you can still buy 1991 digitally (even if that dang tape sold out QUICK) on the Paxico Bandcamp, and while there, learn some trivia about the actual year 1991. Fun fact: 1991 was the year the dinosaurs became extinct. Who knew?

• Ahwlee:
• Paxico Records:

Guided By Voices

“Bad Love Is Easy To Do”

When I was around 10 or 11 years old, I began getting into music. And considering I lived in Dayton, Ohio, the MECCA for NOTHING AT ALL, my anthem was most CERTAINLY “Teenage FBI” by home-town anti-heroes, Guided By Voices. They played it on ALL stations too. I heard it on the (primarily) hip hop and rap station once during their FREE-FOR-ALL hour.

Furthermore, a good pal of mine, Marshall, who got me reading TMT in the first place, is still a HUGE fan of theirs. And lazily/rightfully so, cause it’s ALL he listens to now, considering all the rest of music doesn’t…. sound like GBV? LOL - I also went on this weird double date with this girl once and her mom, who brought Robert Pollard as her date, while he was still married, and he wouldn’t shut UP about that movie, Magnolia. But, even THAT fellah can’t stop the rock.

Anyhow, it’s DEEPLY dope to me GBV snagged their latest video for “Bad Love Is Easy To Do” on Funny Or Die. In no assignment of character, Marshall and I could be either Brian Huskey or Rob Corddry in this video, lashing out at each other, but you know what’s ultimately missing, besides our wastoid friend Nick (a.k.a. Captain George, a.k.a. Shit Ass, a.k.a. Porridge) in the audience, is fucking BEER! Luckily, Funny Or Die popped “Bad Love Is Easy To Do” vid before this Friday, ‘cause Marshall is coming in from the city and we’re going to drink ALL the beer while listening to a tote-bag stuffed with GBV vinyl throughout the ages. Last time it was 7-inches. All. Night. Long. GBV!!!

Grip their newest LP via [THEM] and the CD via Fire Records!!

• Guided By Voices:
• Fire Records:



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CHOCOLATE GRINDER is our audio/visual section, with an emphasis on the lesser heard and lesser known. We aim to dig deep, but we'll post any song or video we find interesting, big or small.