Dear Criminals

“Petite mort”

Something I realized recently is that I like to write about almost anything. I sent Dear Criminals’ “Petite mort” to my fiancée, and she was like, “You’re premiering THAT track?” And when I was across the street last night walking my dog, there were kids in the woods hanging, so I joined their smoke with Maud, and afterward, they thought it was a great idea to sacrifice one of their friends, which was when this realization happened. As they were tearing apart this boy’s skin and innards — 14 or 15 years old — I realized while walking slowly away that the real world might be a sheltered one because (1) people and (2) PEOPLE.

Dear Criminals are people too, yeah. And if you know what I’m normally into, then you also know that “Petite mort” is not exactly my cup of tea. But then again, this track doesn’t strive for “originality,” and I admire their particularness to production and mastering on this obviously well melodied and rhythmic song. Since Dear Criminals (appears to have) began last year around this time with lover’s suicide — they don’t have a Discogs page (which is as frightening as it is intriguing) — perhaps the trio is just now finding its footing.

Snag their newest EP, Crave, available here.

• Dear Criminals:

Guitar Center

“Live @Times Square, August 2014”

What is cacophony?

What sounds define a level of inane madness in which the appellation “noise” would no longer be useful? No, I’m not talking about something that necessarily breaks the mind, but rather something that dulls the mind to the point of being unable to accept anything reasonable. At what point does something become so chaotic that it stops being a source of horror or terror, but a miasma of sound from which you can’t make out anything whole, just fragments of what has already been done? And if anyone were in the middle of it all, would they be crushed by its sheer desolation?

It all seems so meaningless. If there is anything that can destroy the relevance of an instrument, it is too much of it at once. So what keeps a certain middle-aged man intent on playing on like a teenager, and what makes him think that he is any different from the various men of his age who are doing the exact same thing at stacks near by?

I speak nonsense, but then so is this video. In theory, one could get away with calling this “noise music,” but only if they were trolling certain music publications. For really, what we are witnessing is a moment that still occurs too often: the decayed myopic dreams of a dozen man-children converging in the basement of a massive tourist trap to create cacophony. You simply cannot get more dissonant and bleak at once.

• Cacophony:

Garek Jon Druss

Music for the Celestial Din [excerpt]

Sound artist, noise connoisseur, and all around sonic maverick Garek Jon Druss has teamed with Seattle’s Debacle Records for Music for the Celestial Din, a studio recording of a gallery installation that Druss premiered in the Fall of 2013 (at Seattle’s Hedreen Gallery, should you be at all curious). After the gallery premiere, The Stranger’s Dave Segal wrote that Celestial Din has “a sublimely keening drone that possesses an unsettling urgency, as if it’s warning you of some momentous action on the horizon that demands your immediate and undivided attention.” The record itself has Druss’ studio version of the piece, as well as remixes from Pete Swanson and Ben Chrisholm (both of which are killer!). Debacle is unleashing this one physically on September 30, with a digital release on October 7, but you can pre-order the LP here and get a taste of Druss’ unique accomplishment in the excerpt below.

• Darek Jon Druss:
• Debacle Records:



Now, I didn’t wanna be the person to say it, ‘cause GOLDEN LIVING ROOM is a pretty household name, literally, but this video for “COMPUTER HEALING” looks like a preview to the BEST x-rated Nintendo 64 game EVER! Like, this sorta stuff is so nasty they couldn’t sell it anywhere but the internet, and nobody REALLY understood the internet back then.. accept for them yung-ass vaporwavers. And believe me when I tell you WiFi and cellular mutation is real: as you’re listening to “COMPUTER HEALING” currently, it’s actually triplicating the molecules in your body, so like: フェニックスの尾.

Put in the rumble pack, baby, because this post goes double-time! GOLDEN LIVING ROOM’s newest EP WELCOME HOME is out NOW on Dream Catalogue™ and TAHRC, and why you ain’t got it yet or aren’t playing it right now, I don’t know, HERE:

• Golden Living Room:
• Dream Catalogue™:

Total Freedom


That money track ($$$) “Wait For a Minute” might be an evil, lux piece that introduces Tyga + Justin Bieber as shadow figure versions of other potential heroes (Timberlake, DJ Mustard). Either way, we all win, and Total Freedom knows this; hence, we have “JUSTIN W CRYPTHAND OR CHEAP TRICK CHRONICLES,” where we can see capitalism sinking into a “dust-zone” (a place where steel drums and “the artisan calypso” help us see the travesty and beauty of our AMERICAN ICONS). The screams of terror (of “NOOOOOOO”) accentuate the love/hatred duality of various pop musics – AND – we are allowed an “ANTI-EXPERIENCE” through this cheap honesty. Also, it’s well tagged as #UNJUST #UNJUST #UNGODLY #UNREMARKABLE #BASICALLYSILENT. I’m sure the track is full of autobiographical content, too. But that content is transcendent IN THAT it’s a pile of filth we’re all stuck in for a bit – some more than others – so get ready to fucking ENJOY it and OWN it, together. A quick, horrifying observation: the track is licensed under “Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported (CC BY-NC-SA 3.0).” I hope that’s a joke!

• Total Freedom:


CHOCOLATE GRINDER is our audio/visual section, with an emphasis on the lesser heard and lesser known. We aim to dig deep, but we'll post any song or video we find interesting, big or small.