Alley Catss & S Olbricht
I wouldn’t let this Alley Catss kid take my daughter for a drive.
Partly because he is actually a kid (15?!) and partly because he has no respect for the conventions of plurality in English grammar.
But mainly because I don’t have a daughter.
But if I did I’d say, “No, Penelope, you can’t go on that gap-year train-trip to Budapest, you’ll stay here and help with my failing cheese and wine business.”
But she’d go anyway. I’d get conciliatory postcards smelling of bad perfume, flecked with Malibu vomit.
I’d make endless phone calls to the Hungarian embassy, imploring them to, “Send out the national guard!” and “Catch these damn kidnapping hooligans!”
They’d put me on hold.
And all I’d hear is the bluster of a gale blowing through the switchboard, the vast sucking wormhole of a rural back-road in the dead of night.
The speed of the bluster would flutter through my ears, down to my twisting stomach.
My body would be spinning so fast that by the time the sounds contorted into a radial JUNGLIST abandon it would feel like a relief.
Can I speak to the senior British diplomat, please?
You’ve had me on hold for 17 minutes here!”
Opal Tapes released the new split cassette by Alley Catss & S Olbricht on 20 April. You can pre-order it from their Bandcamp.
Alley Catss also had a rather excellent 15-track album out last year on Sewage Tapes.
“Melba’s Call” ft. Kelela (Deleted Mix)
At the end of last month, Night Slugs label daddy and club visionary Bok Bok dropped his second and much anticipated release Melba’s Call. After shelling out a plethora of mixes, singles, and features, Bok Bok has admittedly devoted the majority of the past few years building the Night Slugs empire, his label co-founded with L-Vis 1990. And with such commitment, the label’s success is no surprise.
While the suspense for another “proper” release from Bok Bok certainly aggrandized the release of “Melba’s Call” ft. Kelela, the (Deleted Mix) is raspberry icing on the cake. As in line with much of BB’s work, the track is vast and beefy, dancing in developing architectures of concrete, glass, and greenery. The track stops to breathe and recuperate from gargantuan heaves, coalesced by the silk web emerging from Kelela’s vocal cords. It’s tight and loose in all the right places; more of a zooted-headphone jammer than a club hurricane.
Yesterday, at a meeting during work, my boss used the phrase “SUCKED HARD” – a phrase I’ve definitely heard before. It was SUCH a boring meeting, I began thinking about the origin of the phrase. One conclusion I drew was the obvious sexual one where you’d blow your (male OR female) load ‘cause someone giving head is going to town. The second basis I figured was it had to do with Garth. Then, I began SUPER spacing out, and the third idea I had was deep dark matter black hole vortexes that just completely matter smash everything. I started nodding to nothing, my boss thought I was agreeing with her, and now I’m heading this totally fucked social media project for work that I have no idea where it should go ‘cause I was thinking about “SUCKED HARD” instead of actually paying attention. And that’s where “Different Days” comes in…
If I had watched The Men’s video for “Different Days” prior to the meeting, I’d have a better understanding of the phrase “SUCKED HARD.” Why does it “SUCK HARD?” Just watch the video and play man-boy BINGO. Like, the positive here is that The Men would’ve already given me the knowledge of something “sucking hard,” in terms of never wanting to hear or watch “Different Days,” and bringing the song up on my mind grapes again would have been immediately halted. As well, I wouldn’t be here writing this cry-baby shit and I’d be actually working on this new project. NOT to tell people what to do either, ‘cause I try to save my fascism for the highway, but Ben Greenberg should’ve just made another solo album instead of this. ALSO, maybe Sacred Bones Records should’ve just released this on one analog format instead of three (LP/CD/CS). Anyhow, you can grip The Men’s new album Tomorrow’s Hits via Sacred Bones Records now. Scope the video above and educate yourself!
I’m kinda hoping the next mixtape by Chief Keef is entirely as ridiculous as his new track “Shooters,” while following the wastedness of Almighty So. Blurry machine gun abstraction. Pretending to “Watching a master at work,” but really just HEARING it. Plenty of Keef chorals randomly yelled in the background. Pretty much a smashing of yin and yang. Like, complete with that head on collision style. And plenty of dancing/grinding. Just keep in mind:
Male movements serve as courtship signals in many animal species, and may honestly reflect the genotypic and/or phenotypic quality of the individual. Attractive human dance moves, particularly those of males, have been reported to show associations with measures of physical strength, prenatal androgenization and symmetry… Nineteen males were recorded using the ‘Vicon’ motion-capture system while dancing to a basic rhythm; controlled stimuli in the form of avatars were then created in the form of 15 s video clips, and rated by 39 females for dance quality… In summary, we have identified specific movements within men’s dance that influence women’s perceptions of dancing ability. We suggest that such movements may form honest signals of male quality in terms of health, vigour or strength, though this remains to be confirmed.
Then there’s where my Grams stayed for a minute, but apparently JUST MISSED the action.
• Chief Keef: http://www.chiefkeef.com
“Gotta Make The NBA”
Dearest Lil B,
Could you make the NBA? Currently, I do not watch sports, but if you were ballin’ in the big-league (or your OWN made league), I’d watch you EVERY game. Mostly, it’d be because I’d need context for deep mixtape volumes of life as a legit player. Not only do I hope HOOP LIFE becomes a reality, but I hope it becomes your first album. How do you think you’d maintain the based-freestyle life in the NBA, though? You might need to draw upon the BasedGod’s ability as deity to continue driving your entity as ALL SKILLS and HARD HITTING. But I’ll take my notes. Continue to be my teacher. Class is ALWAYS in sesh with you, my man.