“Like My Hand Did”

Prepare for the nasty: Boyfriend bringin’ that crass white-girl rap with EVERYTHING in her teeth. And if you get too close, she’ll DEFINITELY bite you, yo. Thus, “Like My Hand Did” is a really good way of finding yourself absorbed in her touch. Her feel. Her cotton. With these lyrics, I can imagine Boyfriend’s hand makes her cum pixels and glitter. So you gotta treat it with a certain type of care, no? But if Boyfriend wants what you got, you’d better give it all-everything, or there’s a good chance you’ll end up missing for a week. If you think you can top the “Like My Hand Did” then you gotta bring that ∞-luv game. Oh, and sweat.

VERY MUCH diggin’ this video for “Like My Hand Did” too. It’s all so… colorful. LOL - seeing Boyfriend just passed out with someone on her lap in the leaves is just amazing imagery. Wait a minute. Shit, wait, NO!! I know Boyfriend. We hooked up via Tinder the other week. That night, I found myself floating face down in the Hudson after, and shit didn’t even get violent, just wild. Just wild enough to risk death? Um, yeah. It’s Boyfriend. Who wouldn’t?

Anyhow, scope these bugged out visuals for Boyfriend’s track “Like My Hand Did” ASAP. It’s Friday. “Fuck it” is at an all-time high. Thus, I’m thinking about making a Like My Hand Did toy product. Just get a mold of Boyfriend’s hand. Send it to a factory. Put a souped-up fan motor in it powered by double A batteries. Sell it for BOO-KOO Bitcoin all OVER a new Etsy account. Or maybe just make it a tour-only product? I dunno, but there’re ideas stirrin’ the air.

• It’s I said it’s

Beat Detectives

“Summer In The City”

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I can get away with a text-pic post ‘cause both Beat Detectives and 1080p Collection is straight murdering the music game this year, and now they’ve joined forces, so… text pics!! New tape Ass Cop out next Tuesday, May 6.

• Beat Detectives:
• 1080p Collection:


“Television Fortune”

In December, last year Papua New Guinean parliamentary speaker, Theo Zurenoc, attacked a series of carvings adorning his own parliament building with a chainsaw, arguing that they were “evil spirits,” a representation of “cultural backwardness” that he believed should be thoroughly trodden down under a bright Christian future. Not so for Moro, the Solomon Island “bigman” featured in David Attenburough’s 1975 Tribal Eye series, who rallied his community in rejection of colonial and Christian encroachment, preaching a “tradition” partly grafted in the heat of refusal.

Point is: abrupt disjuncture is a dangerous affair.

Luckily Leeds/Bradford DIY supergroup NOPE have got the “change” thing all sussed out on new album Walker; digging harder into the contours of motorik pummels, sloshy riffs and chiropractic abandon they mapped so well in last album, Revision. No chainsaws of the future or rigid narratives of the “past” here, but a lesson in the power of shifting iteration. This is most potently demonstrated on 30-minute title-track “Walker”, a song so good it prompted a bout of ridiculous “creative” “writing” by YOURS TRULY that I’m told will be featuring on the standard UK English Literature examinations for 15-16 year olds as of next year. For “Television Fortune,” occasional distributor of CDR Noise and fellow Leeds resident David Thomas contrasts footage of Moro and his community’s sea spirit dances alongside some more Tribal Eye stock; the Qashqai Nomads of Iran, weaving rugs that both record and inform cultural practice. The clear incongruities are played with via blurred shapes and moments of movement, united in silence under NOPE’s glorious dual-drum clattering.

UK folk can catch the band on tour from June 13 onwards, while keen beans in the North can also catch NOPE guitarist/vocalist Patrick Dowson at this year’s Threadfest, playing a reunion gig with legendary Bradford three-piece Monty Casino.

Walker is released on June 9 by Obscene Baby Auction and The Audacious Art Experiment. It can be pre-ordered and streamed at the Obscene Baby Auction Bandcamp.

• Obscene Baby Auction:
• The Audacious Art Experiment:

Maria Minerva


Mmmm, Facebook. Is it to be used as research or novelty? Getting outta control on social media is like yelling at someone who just cut you off as your window is rolled up. But it’s all legit. Jobs is jobs, yo. Fragility is the entitlement of this current generation.

Anyway, this is what Gorilla vs. Bear should’ve wrote about for their premiere of Maria Minerva’s video “Galaxy”: “so happy n proud to share this video for GALAXY. tall estonian lady amongst the tall buildings of the new york city of wonders. one of the best music vids i have ever made, a million thanks to my friends who directed/produced it, was a pleasure and will always remind me of my time in nyc.”

Maybe musicians should further critique their work outside the music and “publicly” through social media from now on. Just write a review yourself, no? All music journalists/bloggers can shut down now. We’re/y’all are needed no more! FREEDOM!!!!!!!!

• Maria Minerva:
• Not Not Fun:


EP 2014

After a lengthy hiatus of sorts, Brooklyn’s newly reformed 500mA have been inconspicuously uploading new recordings, premiering new tracks the last few weeks, and announcing a new six-track release simply – and possibly tentatively – titled EP 2014, which will eventually be available as a free download.

Do yourself a favor and have a listen. It’s likely to be some of the most sincere, straight-out, god-honest, and raw rock’n’roll you’ll have heard in some time, drawing from lo-fi, punk, garage, and much more.

• 500mA:


CHOCOLATE GRINDER is our audio/visual section, with an emphasis on the lesser heard and lesser known. We aim to dig deep, but we'll post any song or video we find interesting, big or small.