Your girl would love this album, trust me. I’d play it for her on March 14. Oooh yeah, right Thur. Of course, she might giggle a little at first. “What’s this, porno groove?” she’d ask, because she’s cute like that. You should see her now, her hair and nails looking right, and that dress… You know the one: she wore it out with you that one time, but hasn’t since because it makes her butt look fat or because life got in the way or whatever it was she said.
Our dinner destination’s “A Secret Place”1 about eight minutes uptown, just far enough for her to take in what’s about to happen, nay, what is happening. Cruising ‘round wooded bends, cracking windows so winter’s waning breaths can cool us down to equilibrium, grooving so naturally no one would ever notice.
I’d expected her to order something light like a salad, so my eyes widen when she tells me, “I think I’ll have the New York strip” — sarcastic, of course.
“Yeah, you will,” I’d tease back. Then comes that wink I love, and her hand disappears from the wine stem to scale my inner thigh, her digits doing a “Dolphin Dance” (Hancock).2 Her eyes aglow in flickering candlelight, she leans in and squeezes. I return the gesture and feel her whole leg quiver. What can I say? The girl’s hungry.
By the time we make it back to the other side of town, the ride’s a fucking mess. I’m jockeying to peer through a fully fogged windshield against which the defroster stands no chance. Honey’s already soaked through the upholstery of the passenger seat and demanding in between slurps for me to pull over.
I’m like Banderas before the shit hits the fan: “Not Yet.”3
Whispering sweet nothings to honeysuckle lips humming affection, I’d let her in on something special: she deserves no less than tonight every night forever. A purred whimper overcomes her inflection, and it’s on from there: claps, pants, rumbles, heaves — the works.
Approaching this, her fourth climactic event of the evening, she seethes with long-unfulfilled desires now bubbling cutaneously in drips of sweat and lust. Much is said in the heated throes of passion, but one indisputable truth need not the slightest utterance: “Love Makes It Better.”4
1 Recorded in October 1976 at Van Gelder Studios, A Secret Place is saxophonist Grover Washington Jr.’s sixth studio album and his last for CTI Records’ subsidiary/sister label Kudu Records. Produced by label owner Creed Taylor, the album features Washington on tenor and soprano sax accompanied by Dave Grusin on piano, Anthony Jackson on bass, Harvey Mason on drums, Eric Gale on guitar, John Gatchell on trumpet, and Gerry Niewood on alto sax, with horn arrangements by David Matthews (no, not that David Matthews, douchebag). Richard Alcorn is the man responsible for the moose-knuckle-showcase photographs displayed on the front and back covers.
2 Recognized today as a jazz standard, “Dolphin Dance” was originally written and recorded by pianist Herbie Hancock for his 1965 album Maiden Voyage. Washington’s rendition features George Mraz on bass as well as Steve Kahn on guitar.
3 Watch this.
4 Some skirts in Switzerland confirmed as much. Read this.