Have you ever sat in your room listening to any number of dance-rock bands and thought, "Yeah, I like this, but it's not nearly gay enough"? If so, State Of The Ark will put the '80s wiggle back in your hips and the tickled-pink back on your platter with hilarious, simple, seductive synth rock that's un-self-conscious as a pair of ass-less chaps at a catholic mass.
Yeah, The Ark rock the cock, deal the dick, and barter the balls, and the best thing of all? They do for disco-indebted, modern glam-rock what Andrew WK did for stadium rock without falling flat on their faces. Their music is funny and quite embarrassing – if not painful – to listen to most of the time, but their pandering instincts will irk you in just the right way, confusing like a midlife crisis and confounding like that time you accidentally touched your friend's nuts and didn't hate it.
This reviewer is actually relieved to hear a major-label record this accessible/commercial/cheesedick/tongue-in-cheek that still retains even a semblance of appeal. Allotting this 11-track gob of excessive pop anything more than a 1.5 grade would be a travesty, but a full-on pan job just isn't possible at this juncture; not with the so-'80s-I-might-have-to-dredge-up-old-Journey-memories strut of "Deliver Us from Free Will" forcing me to shake my honey maker; not with the "My Sharona" rip-off that is "Girl You're Gonna Get 'Em (Real Soon)" dredging up old memories of MTV as it once was; not with the unexpected punk-lite feel of album-closer "Trust is Shareware."
As a critic at an indie-oriented site, I should probably criticize the shit out of The Ark to 'retain my cred' like a true conformist fuckhole, but I just don't give a rat's ass what fans of Wooden Wand think. King God's "Is That Blood on Your Sleeve" is a much safer, somber '80s-revival disc to recommend, but for those willing to don their neon-green spandex and Dire Straits headband, this album will prove to be quite the romper stomper, impossible to like and even tougher to hate. Utilizing kitsch, schtick, and glitz to its fullest, The Ark plumb their influences just enough to make their awful music an awful lot of fun -- a tricky task, indeed.
1. This Piece of Poetry Is Meant to Do Harm
2. Rock City Wankers
3. Clamour for Glamour
4. One of Us Is Gonna Die Young
5. Let Me Down Gently
6. Hey Kwanongoma!
7. The Others
8. Girl You're Gonna Get `Em (Real Soon)
9. Deliver Us From Free Will
10. No End
11. Trust Is Shareware
More about: The Ark
