$20,000 Buys a Kid 15 Minutes of Fame and Serious Bonding Time with Devo/Tool/Perfect Circle/NIN Dru

Remember when Pepsi promised to give a Harrier Jet to anyone who paid seven-million Pepsi Points back in the ’90s? And then someone did and they didn't and he sued? And got the freaking jet. (Or maybe he just got reimbursed for his pain and suffering with a lifetime supply of Obama's favorite carbonated beverage. I don't remember). Turns out Josh Freeze, studio drummer turned media savant, isn't a liar like those Pepsi bastards. He said it and he meant it.

Last month, he released a bizarre series of limited-edition VIP packages in support of his new album Since 1972, which was released this March through his website (Nobodaddy can fill you in on the wacky specifics of the offers). Well, someone took the $20,000 bid. A 19-year-old Floridian named Thomas Mrzyglocki. Sounds like they had a rollicking good time. Here's what Josh had to say about the whole thing in an email that was later posted on a NIN forum:

The guy from Florida that bought the $20,000 package and I have been joined at the hip since Sunday and I won't even go into all the stuff that we've done in the past 4 days but I've already gone above and beyond for him and we're continuing to have a blast. I'll start posting stuff soon on my website and on youtube but just to give you a quick idea... mini-golf with Maynard James Keenan, pizza at Mark Mothersbaugh's house, sensory deprivation tank sessions, a signed snare drum I used on a Nine Inch Nails tour, slumber party at the Queen Mary, going to gigs of mine with me, pulling items out of my closet, etc., etc.... He's a great kid and a friend for life. We're having him check out of his hotel and stay at our house tomorrow night. It's a LONG, LONG story that I'll write about later. You can laugh when I say this but it's true when I tell you that he came into my life for a reason other than just the $$. I actually feel bad about taking the $$ because at this point I'm not hanging out with him or pretending to be his friend for the cash. He got all of his stuff (and a bunch more that wasn't on the original menu) a while ago. He's a sweet 19-year-old kid who's had a really rough last couple years (like REALLY fucking rough.) Like... this money he spent to come out here is part of a inheritance he received (you can fill in the blanks there). I feel like his big brother and I'm trying to make this one of the best weeks of his life.

Although my heart-strings are breaking all over the place after reading that, a few things keeps nagging at me: I do not care about Tool, I'm not a fan of NIN, and just plain don't like Perfect Circle. Devo's pretty freaking cool, but I never cared about Josh Freeze until I read about this amazing offer he's got going. I know this is completely subjective, but still, gentle readers, let me be selfish. I want something for me. Something for us. These big budget "rock-gods"? Yawn. This is what I want to see:

- For $50: You get one Julian Koster tape loop.
- For $100: Go thrift-store shopping with the K Records artist of your choice, and they'll promise to knit you something.
- For $1,000: Choose Madlib's new pseudonym.
- For $5,000: Be Your Own Pet will reform and invite you to a private house party.
- For $10,000: Devendra Banhart, Akron/Family, and The Angels of Light will induct you into their commune and/or cult.
- For $15,000: Indulge in some psychedelics while Deerhunter provides you and your five closest friends with a personal concert and cooks you a southern-style breakfast with grits and sweet tea the next morning.
- For $20,000: Bill Callahan will write you a song, after which you'll head over to Will Oldham's house to drink PBR and play with a b.b. gun before being joined by the entire Drag City Catalog for a backyard BBQ and a series of songs around the campfire.

And this is just the start. Possibilities seem endless to me.