Achtung! Bono discharged from Munich hospital following surgery; U2 North American dates postponed

Achtung! Bono discharged from Munich hospital following surgery; U2 North American dates postponed

Despite what My Name is Earl has led us all to believe, the phrase “do good things, and good things happen” is apparently a pretty unscientific hypothesis. Case in point: U2’s Bono (as opposed to all those other Bonos you read about) was discharged yesterday from Ludwig Maximilians-University (LMU) Hospital in Munich where he underwent emergency back surgery on Friday. In order to fully recover, he is under doctor’s orders to start an eight-week recuperation and rehabilitation program.

Unfortunately for everyone-everywhere-ever, U2 can’t exactly tour “with or without” him, so this will kinda sorta necessitate the postponement of 16 shows on the U2 360° Tour — from Salt Lake City on June 3, through to New Jersey’s Meadowlands Stadium on July 19. To say the least, this is kind of a summer bummer for the throngs of Americans who were counting on the intensive therapy that only comes from singing “One” out-loud with thousands of total strangers in a decidedly 1990s-style outdoor arena. But fortunately for everyone-everywhere-ever, St. Bono’s karma is so through-the-roof at this point that a complete recovery is a virtual certainty and Live Nation has confirmed that all of the dates will be rescheduled for 2011.

“Bono suffered severe compression of the sciatic nerve,” said Bono’s doctor in nerdy doctor-speak. “On review of his MRI scan, I realized there was a serious tear in the ligament and a herniated disc, and that conservative treatment would not suffice. I recommended Bono have emergency spine surgery with Professor Tonn at Munich’s LMU University Hospital on Friday.” Professor Tonn also added, “Bono was referred to me by Dr. Muller Wohlfahrt late last week with a sudden onset disease. He was already in severe pain with partial paralysis in the lower leg. The ligament surrounding the disc had an 8mm tear and during surgery we discovered fragments of the disc had traveled into the spinal canal. This surgery was the only course of treatment for full recovery and to avoid further paralysis. Bono is now much better, with complete recovery of his motor deficit. The prognosis is excellent, but to obtain a sustainable result, he must now enter a period of rehabilitation.” Oh, the perils of rock!

U2’s manager, Paul McGuinness, was with Bono at the Hospital in Munich. “Our biggest and, I believe, best tour has been interrupted, and we’re all devastated,” McGuinness said. “For a performer who lives to be on stage, this is more than a blow. He feels robbed of the chance to do what he does best and feels like he has badly let down the band and their audience, which is of course nonsense. His concerns about more than a million ticket buyers whose plans have been turned upside down [are concerns] we all share, but the most important thing right now is that Bono make a full recovery.”

Additional details on rescheduled dates will follow shortly and fans are encouraged to hold on to their tickets. Fans and ticket holders can visit U2’s website for ongoing tour updates and Bono recovery news. Is anyone else out there wondering if he’ll wear sunglasses in bed?

Postponed dates:

06.03.10 - Salt Lake City, UT - Rice Eccles Stadium
06.06.10 - Anaheim, CA - Angel Stadium
06.07.10 - Anaheim, CA - Angel Stadium
06.12.10 - Denver, CO - Invesco Field
06.16.10 - Oakland, CA - Oakland Coliseum
06.20.10 - Seattle, WA - Qwest Field
06.23.10 - Edmonton, Alberta - Commonwealth Stadium
06.25.10 - Pilton, England - Glastonbury
06.27.10 - Minneapolis, MN - TCF Bank Stadium
06.30.10 - East Lansing, MI - Spartan Stadium
07.03.10 - Toronto, Ontario - Rogers Centre
07.06.10 - Chicago, IL - Soldier Field
07.09.10 - Miami, FL - Sun Life Stadium
07.12.10 - Philadelphia, PA - Lincoln Financial Field
07.16.10 - Montreal, Quebec - Montreal Hippodrome
07.17.10 - Montreal, Quebec - Montreal Hippodrome
07.19.10 - New York, NY - New Meadowlands Stadium

• U2:
• Live Nation:
• U2 360 Tour Twitter page:

Somebody warn the year 2004: LimeWire loses big-time to RIAA in file-sharing lawsuit

In a decision powerful enough to send ripples through space-time, affecting people in a past so distant that they still care, a New York federal court has found LimeWire parent company Lime Media liable for copyright infringement. RIAA representatives have expressed hope that the decision will put an end to the rampant theft of Brian Wilson’s SMiLE and Franz Ferdinand’s self-titled debut. Reached for comment, LimeWire founder Mark Gorton remarked, “Who the fuck still uses LimeWire?”

Hilarious digs at moderately-outdated software aside, the ruling could have serious effects on future file-sharing lawsuits in the US. Perhaps the most important part of Judge Kimba Wood’s decision is the statement, “The evidence demonstrates that [Lime Wire] optimized LimeWire’s features to ensure that users can download digital recordings, the majority of which are protected by copyright…” From now on, if you want to release any software in the US that allows users to share information, you had better make damn sure that that software is such a piece of shit that no one can figure out how to use it to break the law.

The RIAA intends to collect the maximum compensation of $150,000 for each work infringed upon, a fee that is sadly greater than the amount many of the artists were paid to create the works in question. As the number of potentially-claimed infringements is in the millions, the total statutory damages could range from the hundred-trillions to the quadrillions. Lime Media is expected to strongly oppose the ruling at their upcoming June 1 status conference with Judge Wood — or pay off the fine in increments of $500,000 a year for the next 2 million years. There is, of course, a chance that this fee will be decreased to a more affordable package or avoided indefinitely. After all, the owners of Oink’s Pink Palace got away with a £500 fine and 330 hours of community service, and it was years before the Swedish government finally shot one of those pesky Pirate Bay boys.

• Limewire:

Pandora makes your music public; time to think twice before listening to Justin Bieber

Attention Pandora users: did you know that any personalized radio station you create using the site can be viewed by anyone on the internet that happens to know your email address? It’s true. According to an investigation by Ryan Singel of Wired, it appears that although Pandora acts like creating a new station is a private act, every station you create can be viewed by anyone who knows (or guesses) your email address. Guess it’s time to curb the Justin Bieber obsession and try and listen to that Sleigh Bells group that everyone is raving about, huh?

In the meantime, Singel uncovers a way to hide your personal radio stations from other inquiring minds by visiting this page and editing your profile to become private.

Phew, sigh of relief! If you need me, I’ll be listening to my Christian Rock Pandora station.

• Pandora:

BUZZZZZ! Fol Chen pursued by swarm of angry bees, go on summer tour to escape BUZZZZZZ!

BUZZZZZZZZZ! Is no sound more terrifying than the shrill buzz of a swarm of angry bees? Don’t bother to answer, because NO sound is more terrifying than the shrill buzz of a swarm of angry bees. Fol Chen, because they possess the same fears and anxieties that normal humans possess, know this all too well. To escape from a bee-filled nightmare, the California funk eccentrics have cleverly booked a summer tour that not even the craftiest insect could follow. Brooklyn weirdos Liars will join Fol Chen on parts of their escape route, even though they are actually more concerned with the equally terrifying threat of furious hornets.

Their new album, Part II: The New December, is due July 6 via Asthmatic Kitty.

Fol Chen’s escape from yellow-and-black death:

07.06.10 - Los Angeles, CA - The Echo
07.07.10 - San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill
07.09.10 - Seattle, WA - Sunset Tavern
07.10.10 - Portland, OR - Doug Fir Lounge
07.11.10 - Vancouver, BC - Media Club
07.13.10 - Minneaplois, MN - First Avenue *
07.14.10 - Madison, WI - High Noon Saloon *
07.15.10 - Milwaukee, WI - Turner Hall *
07.17.10 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick *
07.18.10 - Newport, KY - The Southgate House *
07.20.10 - Nashville, TN - Exit / In *
07.21.10 - Bloomington, IN - Rhino’s Youth Center *
07.22.10 - St. Louis, MO - Firebird *
07.23.10 - Lawrence, KS - Bottleneck *
07.24.10 - Denver, CO - Bluebird *

* Liars

• Fol Chen:
• Asthmatic Kitty:

Joanna Newsom accidentally tours western US after missing that left turn at Albuquerque

On a mission to prove that she’s just as “chillwave” in 2010 as she was “freak-folk” back in 2005, heady harpstress Joanna Newsom is packing up her best guess at a sexy bathing suit and Victorian Era hope chest full of SPF 8,000,000 sunblock and making tracks for the beach this summer.

Newsom will tour the West Coast of the United States on the heels of her recent, blissed-out, hypnogogic, glo-fi, hype-dub, cock-balls masterpiece, Astro Coast… oh wait, I mean, Have One On Me (TMT Review)?? Uh oh. Say, I think someone got their wires crossed down at the Too Cool For School Booking Agency. But hey, nothing speaks to the laid-back, transient nature of an all-American fun-in-the-sun beach party like a triple album full of modal folk song-suites, right?

Joanna Newsom “Weed Demon” Tour:

07.29.10 - San Diego, CA - San Diego Woman’s Club
07.30.10 - Santa Barbara, CA - Lobero Theatre
07.31.10 - Los Angeles, CA - Orpheum Theatre
08.02.10 - Oakland, CA - Fox Theater
08.04.10 - Seattle, WA - Moore Theatre
08.05.10 - Vancouver, BC - The Vogue Theatre
08.06.10 - Portland, OR - Aladdin Theater
08.07.10 - Portland, OR - Aladdin Theater

European dates:

05.25.10 - Oslo, Norway - Sentrum Scene
05.27.10 - Helsinki, Finland - House of Culture
05.29.10 - Eindhoven, Netherlands - Muziekcentrum Frits Philips
05.30.10 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Melkweg
05.31.10 - Paris, France - Grand Halle de la Villette
08.22.10 - Glanusk, Wales - Green Man Festival

• Drag City:

[Photo: Charlie Cravero]

Jens Lekman announces European tourdates

What better way to test out songs from your forthcoming album than to play them live in your native continent? Swedish troubadour Jens Lekman has recently announced an upcoming European jaunt to tease fans with some new material and delight them with old jams. No word yet on when his new album can be expected, but let’s all collectively cross our fingers for sometime soon, and maybe it will magically appear this fall. Lekman will be joined by a full band for all tourdates. Who does he think he is? Thom Yorke?

08.01.10 - Dublin, Ireland - Whelans
08.02.10 - Manchester, UK - The Deaf Institute
08.03.10 - London, UK - Union Chapel
08.04.10 - Paris, France - Nouveau Casino
08.05.10 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso
08.07.10 - Stockholm, Sweden - Strand
08.09.10 - Copenhagen, Denmark - Vega
08.10.10 - Hamburg, Germany - Knust
08.11.10 - Berlin, Germany - Lido
08.13.10 - Göteborg, Sweden - Way Out West

• Jens Lekman: