When I woke up this morning, walked into the TMT offices, greeted my fellow writers, and grabbed my daily coffee (decaf with two cream packets), I found an interesting packet on my desk. I screamed, "Holy shit! This is big, this is real big!" I booted up my computer as quickly as possible, opened up Firefox, exited out of all my usual porn and flash game tabs, and began to type this story. What I found on my desk was Al Sharpton's Decency March itinerary. The following is pulled directly from the itinerary:
"THE NEW YORK CITY MAY 4 MUSIC DECENCY MARCH LED BY THE HONORABLE REV. AL SHARPTON. PRESENTED BY THE NATIONAL ACTION NETWORK.
THE FOLLOWING IS A MESSAGE DIRECTLY FROM THE HONORABLE REV. AL SHARPTON HIMSELF:
"Good morning fellow Americans. Today we are going to march. We are going to march, for justice, march for peace, march for an end to racism, march for an end to sexism, and to march for the end of rap music as we know it. Yes, today we shall walk miles in an attempt to destroy rap music. The following is today's schedule, and please refer to me as The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton from now on. I've got an image to maintain, people. Also, be sure to donate to the Alfred Fund if you want to engage in more marches. Thank you and have fun! Not too much fun, mind you; too much fun may prompt you to engage in racist or sexist behavior. Enjoy."
5:00 p.m. CHECK IN
The march will begin at Sony Music on 55th St. and Madison Ave. To check in please fill out the applications. Be sure to fill in the blanks regarding your sex, race, and your sexuality. Thank you.
5:25 p.m. LIGHTING OF JAMES BROWN'S BIRTHDAY CANDLES ON A SHEET CAKE
Be sure not to miss this monumental occasion as The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton gets to grace his breath upon the candles of a birthday cake dedicated to the late and great James Brown.
5:29 p.m. CELEBRATORY BIRTHDAY SONG DEDICATED TO JAMES BROWN
The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton, in light of copyright issues, has written his own birthday song for James Brown. See page five of this packet for the lyrics. Everyone is invited to sing. Do not, however, sing louder than The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton.
5:30 p.m. THE MARCH BEGINS
We will begin by shouting various chants (see page six for required chants) and holding up signs (see page six as well) up at the tinted windows of Sony Music.
6:00 p.m. MARCH ON WARNER MUSIC GROUP BUILDING
After leaving Sony Music, we will arrive at 75 Rockefeller Plaza to shout, hold signs, and march and march some more. This building is the Warner Music Group building; it was established to proliferate racism and sexism and has been behind every sex and race scandal since the '40s.
6:30-7:00 p.m. MARCH ON UNIVERSAL MUSIC AND TIME WARNER
We well arrive at 49th St. and 8th Ave. at exactly 6:30 PM. This atrocious spire of hate is the Universal Music building. We must target this evil more than the other buildings, so please refer to page eight for harsher chants. We will then march on to the Time Warner Building on 58th St. and Broadway. By this point, you should already feel that we have made a major impact and a huge dent into the racist and sexist lyrics these labels promote.
7:30 p.m. FINAL STOP AND RALLY LOCATION AT COLUMBUS CIRCLE
The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton will now give a speech about the power and health benefits of marching. Here you can converse with your fellow marchers, get The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton's autograph, and pick up your complimentary boxed lunch.
--March of Music Decency Staff
All I can say is that I hope Alfred wins this oppressive battle against rap lyrics. In fact, those lyrics are probably the source of starvation and poverty as well. Al just has to find the connections.