Alfred Charles Sharpton, Jr. Leads Music Decency March Today; Essentially Taking People On Tour To Major Labels And Of New York City

When I woke up this morning, walked into the TMT offices, greeted my fellow writers, and grabbed my daily coffee (decaf with two cream packets), I found an interesting packet on my desk. I screamed, "Holy shit! This is big, this is real big!" I booted up my computer as quickly as possible, opened up Firefox, exited out of all my usual porn and flash game tabs, and began to type this story. What I found on my desk was Al Sharpton's Decency March itinerary. The following is pulled directly from the itinerary:




"Good morning fellow Americans. Today we are going to march. We are going to march, for justice, march for peace, march for an end to racism, march for an end to sexism, and to march for the end of rap music as we know it. Yes, today we shall walk miles in an attempt to destroy rap music. The following is today's schedule, and please refer to me as The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton from now on. I've got an image to maintain, people. Also, be sure to donate to the Alfred Fund if you want to engage in more marches. Thank you and have fun! Not too much fun, mind you; too much fun may prompt you to engage in racist or sexist behavior. Enjoy."

5:00 p.m. CHECK IN

The march will begin at Sony Music on 55th St. and Madison Ave. To check in please fill out the applications. Be sure to fill in the blanks regarding your sex, race, and your sexuality. Thank you.

Be sure not to miss this monumental occasion as The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton gets to grace his breath upon the candles of a birthday cake dedicated to the late and great James Brown.

The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton, in light of copyright issues, has written his own birthday song for James Brown. See page five of this packet for the lyrics. Everyone is invited to sing. Do not, however, sing louder than The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton.

We will begin by shouting various chants (see page six for required chants) and holding up signs (see page six as well) up at the tinted windows of Sony Music.

After leaving Sony Music, we will arrive at 75 Rockefeller Plaza to shout, hold signs, and march and march some more. This building is the Warner Music Group building; it was established to proliferate racism and sexism and has been behind every sex and race scandal since the '40s.

We well arrive at 49th St. and 8th Ave. at exactly 6:30 PM. This atrocious spire of hate is the Universal Music building. We must target this evil more than the other buildings, so please refer to page eight for harsher chants. We will then march on to the Time Warner Building on 58th St. and Broadway. By this point, you should already feel that we have made a major impact and a huge dent into the racist and sexist lyrics these labels promote.

The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton will now give a speech about the power and health benefits of marching. Here you can converse with your fellow marchers, get The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton's autograph, and pick up your complimentary boxed lunch.

Thank You!

--March of Music Decency Staff


All I can say is that I hope Alfred wins this oppressive battle against rap lyrics. In fact, those lyrics are probably the source of starvation and poverty as well. Al just has to find the connections.

The Twilight Sad on Diplomatic Tour, Diplomats Confused, Diplo Excited

On March 3, Scottish voters went to the poles and gave the proverbial middle finger to their colonial masters in London. With 95 of 127 seats reporting, The Scottish National Party looks poised to take control of the region's legislature, and in doing so, will set the groundwork for the secession of the nation from British rule, more than 50 years after the collapse of the empire upon which the sun never sets. In anticipation of the eventual separation of the nation from those wankers in England, SNP party leader Alex Salmond has appointed James Graham Foreign Affair cabinet minister and has commissioned his band The Twilight Sad to engage in a diplomatic tour to promote increased ties with France and to smooth over the contentious relationship between the soon-to-be-independent Scottish nation and England.

It is expected that the band will be greeted as liberators in Glasgow and as proponents of freedom in France; however, just how exactly the group will be received in England is unknown. With the English music community notoriously divided, there are fears that the presence of FatCat's droan popers will reunite sectarian violence in Brighton that has remained stable since its last explosion in 1973 during the battle of Quadrophenia. Despite the band's claims to be non-violent diplomats, leaked MI6 memos insinuate that their intentions may be more dubious than previously suspected. In recently declassified documents, it appears the Twilight Sad Liberation Army (TSLA) had previously been labeled by the Scotland Yard as a criminal organization whose anti-colonial activities have ties to international terrorism.

Gillo Pontecorvo has been commissioned to produce the bands upcoming DVD, with the tentative title, The Battle of Alba.

When reached for comments about their potential ties to the Scottish Separatist movement and anti-colonial terrorism, The Twilight Sad said I was full of shite.

You can protest in support or hatred of freedom and The Twilight Sad's LP Fourteen Autumns & Fifteen Winters at these locations. Green zones will be in effect:
05.05.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Classic Grand with My Latest Novel
05.07.2007 - Paris, France - Fleche D'or
05.09.2007 - London, England - Luminaire with Cougar
05.10.2007 - London, England - Club Fandango
05.11.2007 - London, England - Windmill with Lord Barringtone
05.13.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Classic Grand
05.19.2007 - Brighton, England - Ocean Rooms with Rabbits/Rank Deluxe
05.20.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Mono (instore)

Amazon Understands How Computers Work, Prepares DRM-Free Digital Music Store

In a partnership with Universal Music Group, Amazon appears to be the next company trying to challenge Apple’s glossy, steely grip on digital music sales. Amazon has declined to comment directly, but sources claim that Universal, the largest record label in existence, has handed Amazon DRM-free versions of much of its classical music back catalogue.

The Universal umbrella contains labels such as Aftermath, Interscope, and Motown, however, so if their partnership with Amazon comes to true fruition, things could get awesome.

With Apple’s only announced DRM-free ally being the comparatively puny EMI, this could become the largest blow to its industry dominance since the American Idol music store went DRM-free.

With the industry power of Universal and EMI coming out in support of unlocked MP3 files, the pressure is on for smaller major labels to follow suit and provide simple, DRM-free downloads that won’t confuse our parents. Both Apple and Amazon are reportedly in contract negotiations with labels of all sizes that are expected to continue through the summer, so it certainly appears that, in spite of what many labels are saying publicly, the DRM-free game is being played for keeps.

A source claimed earlier this week, though, that the assumptions being made about the Universal/Amazon partnership are “way off the mark.” There’s still a fighting chance, then, that this story will make me look like a fool in a few months.

Pete Doherty Back in Rehab!

Pete Doherty Back in Rehab!

Marissa Nadler Signs To Kemado Records, Stands Up Against ‘Weird America’ McCarthyism

Remember the Salem Witch Trials? Me neither. But I did read The Crucible in high school. Believe it or not, here at Tiny Mix Tapes we're privy to a lot of highly sensitive government information, and I have no choice but to share with you the latest shocking move in a string of federal witch hunts. In accordance with section 901(a) of the Organized Crime Control Act of 1970, Pub. L. No. 91-452, 84 Stat. 922, key players within the 'New Weird America' movement are facing charges under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act. Indulgent? Maybe. But dangerous? I think not. So Ariel Pink likes the sound of cassette tapes, Animal Collective overdo it on the nonsense chants, and Devendra has a Manson complex. That doesn't change the outrageousness of these unfounded, libelous claims! Alleged offenses include:

- A peyote cactus plot the size of Home Depot's garden section
- Money laundering through Jana Hunter's Holistic Healing Superstore
- Fraud (Of course Joanna Newsom's voice is natural!)
- 6 kilos of mescaline (powder form)
- Voodoo rituals to the sounds of Lie: The Love & Terror Cult
- Bribery of Arthur Magazine
- CocoRosie's latest album

Like many of her art school contemporaries, former RISD student Marissa Nadler has taken to the streets, attempting to mobilize a resistance to this injustice. With heartbreaking Gothic folk, Nadler hopes to raise funds in order to fight the case against her peers. Kemado Records has her back, finally bringing the critically acclaimed, anti-RICO masterpiece Songs III: Bird on the Water to the states for release this August.

Freak folk fight songs:

New Legislation Restricts Used CD Stores; LFO, Dido Celebrate

Start driving to your local used CD store now, with Insane Clown Posse albums in tow, because certain states are whispering back and forth about the pleasures of cracking down on resale shops in the future. Florida and Utah have already passed second-hand-goods legislation in a joint effort to lessen the sales of stolen goods and scare away all customers. In Florida, new laws now require little Timmy to submit thumb-prints and state-issued ID before exchanging his Marcy Playground CD-single for store credit -- no cash allowed. The stores themselves must apply for a permit and are required to keep traded CDs for 30 days before reselling them. Rhode Island is considering similar legislation, and as the National Association of Recording Merchandisers' outside council John Mitchell said, "There seems to be some sort of a new trend among states to support second-hand-goods legislation."

This is not the first time the music industry has pressured lawmakers to threaten the used CD market; major labels have often withheld cooperative advertising from stores that purchase from them directly while still dealing in resale. However, this has angered consumers and independent stores alike, leading to a Federal Trade Commission investigation of illegal practices within the industry in the mid-'90s. Since then, used CD sales have gone from 5% to nearly 10-20% of total CD revenue.

Beyond triggering a mass exodus from resale shops, these new laws may also be conflicting with slightly lesser-known documents, such as the U.S. Constitution. CD resale is protected by the First Amendment (those Fathers thought of everything, man), and the use of fingerprinting and collecting IDs could be seen as further violations. Existing copyright laws also allow individuals to legally resell CDs.

In honor of endangered used CD stores nationwide and the gems I've found in their clearance bins, I'd like to offer the discerning TMT reader a chance to hear "Nice and Slow," off a very special used CD I once purchased for $0.13. First person to e-mail me with the name of this groundbreaking group gets a copy of The Jingle Cats' Meowy Christmas in a broken jewel case. Good luck.

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