Alfred Charles Sharpton, Jr. Leads Music Decency March Today; Essentially Taking People On Tour To Major Labels And Of New York City

When I woke up this morning, walked into the TMT offices, greeted my fellow writers, and grabbed my daily coffee (decaf with two cream packets), I found an interesting packet on my desk. I screamed, "Holy shit! This is big, this is real big!" I booted up my computer as quickly as possible, opened up Firefox, exited out of all my usual porn and flash game tabs, and began to type this story. What I found on my desk was Al Sharpton's Decency March itinerary. The following is pulled directly from the itinerary:

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"THE NEW YORK CITY MAY 4 MUSIC DECENCY MARCH LED BY THE HONORABLE REV. AL SHARPTON. PRESENTED BY THE NATIONAL ACTION NETWORK.

THE FOLLOWING IS A MESSAGE DIRECTLY FROM THE HONORABLE REV. AL SHARPTON HIMSELF:

"Good morning fellow Americans. Today we are going to march. We are going to march, for justice, march for peace, march for an end to racism, march for an end to sexism, and to march for the end of rap music as we know it. Yes, today we shall walk miles in an attempt to destroy rap music. The following is today's schedule, and please refer to me as The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton from now on. I've got an image to maintain, people. Also, be sure to donate to the Alfred Fund if you want to engage in more marches. Thank you and have fun! Not too much fun, mind you; too much fun may prompt you to engage in racist or sexist behavior. Enjoy."

OFFICIAL ITINERARY
5:00 p.m. CHECK IN

The march will begin at Sony Music on 55th St. and Madison Ave. To check in please fill out the applications. Be sure to fill in the blanks regarding your sex, race, and your sexuality. Thank you.
5:25 p.m. LIGHTING OF JAMES BROWN'S BIRTHDAY CANDLES ON A SHEET CAKE

Be sure not to miss this monumental occasion as The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton gets to grace his breath upon the candles of a birthday cake dedicated to the late and great James Brown.
5:29 p.m. CELEBRATORY BIRTHDAY SONG DEDICATED TO JAMES BROWN

The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton, in light of copyright issues, has written his own birthday song for James Brown. See page five of this packet for the lyrics. Everyone is invited to sing. Do not, however, sing louder than The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton.
5:30 p.m. THE MARCH BEGINS

We will begin by shouting various chants (see page six for required chants) and holding up signs (see page six as well) up at the tinted windows of Sony Music.
6:00 p.m. MARCH ON WARNER MUSIC GROUP BUILDING

After leaving Sony Music, we will arrive at 75 Rockefeller Plaza to shout, hold signs, and march and march some more. This building is the Warner Music Group building; it was established to proliferate racism and sexism and has been behind every sex and race scandal since the '40s.
6:30-7:00 p.m. MARCH ON UNIVERSAL MUSIC AND TIME WARNER

We well arrive at 49th St. and 8th Ave. at exactly 6:30 PM. This atrocious spire of hate is the Universal Music building. We must target this evil more than the other buildings, so please refer to page eight for harsher chants. We will then march on to the Time Warner Building on 58th St. and Broadway. By this point, you should already feel that we have made a major impact and a huge dent into the racist and sexist lyrics these labels promote.
7:30 p.m. FINAL STOP AND RALLY LOCATION AT COLUMBUS CIRCLE

The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton will now give a speech about the power and health benefits of marching. Here you can converse with your fellow marchers, get The Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton's autograph, and pick up your complimentary boxed lunch.

Thank You!

--March of Music Decency Staff

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All I can say is that I hope Alfred wins this oppressive battle against rap lyrics. In fact, those lyrics are probably the source of starvation and poverty as well. Al just has to find the connections.

New Legislation Restricts Used CD Stores; LFO, Dido Celebrate

Start driving to your local used CD store now, with Insane Clown Posse albums in tow, because certain states are whispering back and forth about the pleasures of cracking down on resale shops in the future. Florida and Utah have already passed second-hand-goods legislation in a joint effort to lessen the sales of stolen goods and scare away all customers. In Florida, new laws now require little Timmy to submit thumb-prints and state-issued ID before exchanging his Marcy Playground CD-single for store credit -- no cash allowed. The stores themselves must apply for a permit and are required to keep traded CDs for 30 days before reselling them. Rhode Island is considering similar legislation, and as the National Association of Recording Merchandisers' outside council John Mitchell said, "There seems to be some sort of a new trend among states to support second-hand-goods legislation."

This is not the first time the music industry has pressured lawmakers to threaten the used CD market; major labels have often withheld cooperative advertising from stores that purchase from them directly while still dealing in resale. However, this has angered consumers and independent stores alike, leading to a Federal Trade Commission investigation of illegal practices within the industry in the mid-'90s. Since then, used CD sales have gone from 5% to nearly 10-20% of total CD revenue.

Beyond triggering a mass exodus from resale shops, these new laws may also be conflicting with slightly lesser-known documents, such as the U.S. Constitution. CD resale is protected by the First Amendment (those Fathers thought of everything, man), and the use of fingerprinting and collecting IDs could be seen as further violations. Existing copyright laws also allow individuals to legally resell CDs.

In honor of endangered used CD stores nationwide and the gems I've found in their clearance bins, I'd like to offer the discerning TMT reader a chance to hear "Nice and Slow," off a very special used CD I once purchased for $0.13. First person to e-mail me with the name of this groundbreaking group gets a copy of The Jingle Cats' Meowy Christmas in a broken jewel case. Good luck.

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New Legislation Restricts Used CD Stores; LFO, Dido Celebrate

Start driving to your local used CD store now, with Insane Clown Posse albums in tow, because certain states are whispering back and forth about the pleasures of cracking down on resale shops in the future. Florida and Utah have already passed second-hand-goods legislation in a joint effort to lessen the sales of stolen goods and scare away all customers. In Florida, new laws now require little Timmy to submit thumb-prints and state-issued ID before exchanging his Marcy Playground CD-single for store credit -- no cash allowed. The stores themselves must apply for a permit and are required to keep traded CDs for 30 days before reselling them. Rhode Island is considering similar legislation, and as the National Association of Recording Merchandisers' outside council John Mitchell said, "There seems to be some sort of a new trend among states to support second-hand-goods legislation."

This is not the first time the music industry has pressured lawmakers to threaten the used CD market; major labels have often withheld cooperative advertising from stores that purchase from them directly while still dealing in resale. However, this has angered consumers and independent stores alike, leading to a Federal Trade Commission investigation of illegal practices within the industry in the mid-'90s. Since then, used CD sales have gone from 5% to nearly 10-20% of total CD revenue.

Beyond triggering a mass exodus from resale shops, these new laws may also be conflicting with slightly lesser-known documents, such as the U.S. Constitution. CD resale is protected by the First Amendment (those Fathers thought of everything, man), and the use of fingerprinting and collecting IDs could be seen as further violations. Existing copyright laws also allow individuals to legally resell CDs.

In honor of endangered used CD stores nationwide and the gems I've found in their clearance bins, I'd like to offer the discerning TMT reader a chance to hear "Nice and Slow," off a very special used CD I once purchased for $0.13. First person to e-mail me with the name of this groundbreaking group gets a copy of The Jingle Cats' Meowy Christmas in a broken jewel case. Good luck.

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Gang Gang Dance and Ariel Pink Tour and Release DVDs

Explaining to people when they listen to Ariel Pink for the first time that, yes, it's supposed to sound like that and, yes, it was actually recorded at that dictaphone-worthy quality is enough to make 'em cross-eyed. They ask, "Why does he record it that way?" and "How did a guy like this even get popular?" To which, I reply, "I don't know, alright!? I just don't know." After that, more confusion ensues, and I guess some battles you just lose. Add the ever-so-eclectic Gang Gang Dance to the mix and you've lost the war.

Ariel Pink seems to be touring for fun, even though Paw Tracks reports it will be releasing an Ariel Pink DVD this year. Meanwhile, Gang Gang Dance is on a mission to promote their new CD/DVD combo, Retina Riddim, which is set to drop on May 22. Apparently 2007 is the year to release DVDs. If you're not on schedule to release one too, keep working on those licks. You'll get your shot, big boy.

Gang Gang Dance tourdates:

* Architecture in Helsinki

Do Make Say Think Tour Europe in Order to Escape North America’s Abundance of Child Molesters

I don't blame Dateline NBC for deciding to feature Do Make Say Think in the 165th installment of To Catch a Predator. This is a series where NBC pays watchdog group Perverted Justice to track down online sexual predators, leading them into a trap featuring the castigatory Chris Hansen along with chips and salsa. Once the Canadian post-rock band Do Make Say Think began heating up the U.S. scene, Dateline NBC saw its moment to capitalize on their success. Chris Hansen was able to get the band to help "entrap" yet another damn pervert. Here is a sample of the episode, brought to you in "TEXT VISION."

Pervert rings door bell. Guitarist, trumpeter, and Do Make Say Think/Broken Social Scene member, Charlie Spearin, opens the door.

Charlie: Hey dude, I'm Charlie Spearin. Do you like my moustache? Come on in. I have to get the cookies out of the oven, if you know what I mean.

Pervert: Sweet man. I'll wait, baby.

Chris Hansen enters the room

Chris Hansen: Whoa, buddy! What are you doing? What are you thinking? Do you know what is happening? Do you watch TV? Do you know who I am? I'm Chris Hansen and this an investigative TV show called To Catch a Predator. Did you know that you are a predator? Are you excited about the upcoming sequel to Alien Vs. Predator?

Pervert: What? I just came here to talk and eat cookies, man. I don't know what this is about.

Chris Hansen: Oh. Well, is it true that your screen name is JimmyBuffetFan69?

Pervert: Yeah, so?

Chris Hansen: Bullshit! Do you remember this little conversation that you had?

DoMakeSayThinkRox: Do U like my band? Does it turn U on? Do U get off 2 our soft, jazzed-up rhythms?

JimmyBuffetFan69: Yeah, baby! That new album, You, You're a History in Rust, makes me want to touch myself. Oh yeah, I'm listening to it right now, lol. I saw you guys on your tour last year. That violinist is freakin? hawt! LMAO!

Dood, just send us some neked pix, mkay? And meet us at Chris Hansen's house on the upper West Side. L8ter sk8er~!

Pervert: Yeah, I said that. So?

Chris Hansen: Well, you're also a pervert. And no, you didn't do anything wrong. But you obviously like Jimmy Buffet. And that makes you a child molester. Eat shit man. You just got pwned!

Pervert: I swear that I just enjoy their music.

Chris Hansen: Well, enjoy it no more. They are going to tour Europe to get away from pervs like you. However, you are free to go. Just walk out that door right that marked, "Trap."

The pervert walks outside and is unnecessarily attacked by a cop, who jumps out of some bushes wearing a guerilla camouflage costume.

Think Last, Do First; European tourdates:

Monster Mash(up): The Polyphonic Spree Mix The Polyphonic Spree with… The Polyphonic Spree? Hey! Wait! Someone Catch That Bandwagon!

Joining the likes of Diplo, Girl Talk, Go Home Productions, and Danger Mouse, your favorite musical cult has attempted the white-hot process of combining varying musical passages into a beefed-up amalgamation. Usually executed by an eclectic, open-minded third party looking to bend genres, The Spree decided to cut out the middle man entirely and watched the tactic's originality and creativity shrivel in the process.

In a misguided attempt to offset the leak of the album's advanced copy (speculation), the band broke new ground in promotional material... at least semantically. Instead of the traditional album 'sampler,' the band has combined sections of all 11 tracks on their new record, The Fragile Army, into an eight-minute epic and they called it a mashup! The single track is designed to give the fans "a taste." I can hardly contain my salivation.

When will the music industry learn that harebrained promotional experimentation won't save the CD medium? Only quality content will.

But we'll give them an "A" for effort. The mix showcases the band's jovial, symphonic rock with choral harmonies like an acid-induced gospel choir and ends with a kind word from your sponsor. "See ya later! Hope you enjoyed it! Be sure to look out for The Fragile Army, the new album from The Polyphonic Spree coming early Summer 2007. We'll see you at a town near you. So long!" exclaims lead Spree Tim DeLaughter in his creepiest pederast imitation.

Luckily, if you're into the whole Kool-Aid and Nikes scene, you can catch the group's 24 members sans robes and in their new military garb (get it? Army!) performing live throughout the month of May:

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