It is the future. Our scene opens with King Bono Vox I undressing in his palatial bedroom. As he takes off his shirt, we cannot help but be drawn to the trio of Nobel Peace Prizes nestled on a buff chest with “not too much, just enough” hair, hovering equidistant from each other above two perfectly symmetrical nipples, not unlike an Olympic Games logo designed by a sporty Mapplethorpe. Time has been good to Bono, mostly due to the functioning fountain of youth given to him by a grateful lost tribe, partly due to his two daily Bowflex circuits. He lowers his creaseless body into a bath drawn by his manservant Crone.
Bono: “Do you have the children's tears collected, Crone?”
Crone: “Yeah, the children's tears are sitting in that bucket beside your tub. But I don't see...”
Bono: “You don't see? You don't See? You don't have to see! Are you Bono? Are you? The last time I checked, there be only one Bono in this here room, and you ain't it, mate. The children's tears remind me of the suffering, the injustice, at the hands of evil oppressors back in the 20th century... before I cured all of the world’s ills in 2008. Plus they work wonders for the epidermis. I don't expect you to see. Inferior rogue!”
Crone: “Yes sir. I have also laid out your silk gitch. It's dangling over the crapper there.”
Bono (using his 20-10 vision to spot the undercarriage caressors, as they are known in the distant future of 2017): “Those are not rebel underwear...those are fundies, bloody fundies! Be gone Crone, and bullet the blue sky where the streets have no name on your way out.”
End scene.
Ah yes, it is all too easy to take a run at the most popular singer in the world, but dude talks the talk. His position as the front piece of (arguably) the world's biggest band is juxtaposed with his tireless campaigning for diverse social causes while acting like a self-professed “real pain in the arse” to U.S. officials. Chief among Bono's political passions throughout the years has been fighting against the problems plaguing Africa: the AIDS epidemic (in the past he has likened the troubling issue to The Holocaust) and the continent's crippling debt. His needling of governments and musical oeuvre are being recognized by a number of African artists including Tony Allen, Angelique Kidjo, Les Nubians, and Vieux Farka Touré who provide interpretations of many U2 favorites on In the Name of Love: Africa Celebrates U2, due April 1 on Shout! Factory.
In the Name of Love: Africa Celebrates U2 will give greater attention to artists who are little known outside certain "world music" spheres and will challenge U2 deriders like myself to find merit in U2's songs without having to listen to The Edge's chunka-clunka-chunka-clunka guitar ruining the proceedings (every single time). Best of all, some proceeds of the album will go to The Global Fund and will prove once again that Bono is the greatest human being alive.
Again. On Valentine's Day in New York, a charitable art auction to benefit AIDS relief put on by Bono and British contemporary artist Damien Hirst raised $42 million. Hirst himself donated seven pieces of art to the auction (including a cabinet full of AIDS treatment drugs which sold for $7.15 million) and 17 artists broke personal auction records at the event, including graffito artist Banksy, whose “Keep It Spotless” made $1.8 million. Said Hirst, “I'm never going to be cynical ever again for a while. We've helped change the world a little bit.” Aye, you have Mr. Hirst. All because of a meme named Bono.
In the Name of Love: Africa Celebrates U2:
1. Angelique Kidjo - "Mysterious Ways"
2. Vieux Farka Touré - "Bullet the Blue Sky"
3. Ba Cissoko - "Sunday Bloody Sunday"
4. Vusi Mahlasela - "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own"
5. Tony Allen - "Where the Streets Have No Name"
6. Cheikh Lô - "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"
7. Keziah Jones - "One"
8. Les Nubians - "With Or Without You"
9. Soweto Gospel Choir - "Pride (In The Name Of Love)"
10. Sierra Leone's Refugee All Stars - "Seconds"
11. African Underground All-Stars featuring Chosan, Optimus & Iyoka - "Desire"
12. Waldemar Bastos - "Love Is Blindness"
