Yup, turns out it was all just a dream, America; a beautiful, post-party, clothes-still-on, loveseat-too-small, fucked up tequilla-dream. According to Exclaim!, Andrew W.K. will NO LONGER be a U.S. Cultural Ambassador to the Middle East. I know what you’re thinking right now, and I totally agree: this is the single worst decision that our country has ever made.
In case you’re wondering what the fuck I’m even talking about, here’s a recap. Yesterday, Pitchfork and some other less pitchfork-y sources reported that the U.S. State Department (and yes, I checked into this, and “U.S.” definitely stands for “United States of America”) had invited Andrew W.K. to be a cultural ambassador to the Middle East. According to a now very awkward and depressing post on his website, Andrew was operating under the (totally logical) assumption that he had been “invited by the State Department to travel to the Middle Eastern country of Bahrain and share his music and partying with the people there.” For “security reasons,” there were no other specific details, save for the fact that we do know that his excellent adventure and/or bogus journey was to begin this December and would surely have included plenty of bloody-nosed visits to “elementary schools, the University of Bahrain, music venues, and more, all while promoting partying and world peace.” (Again, not sending him on this mission sounds like the worst idea we’ve ever had).
Taking to his Twitter in response, Andrew pretty much summed it all up:
I’m just blown away. After a year of planning, the US State Dept. just canceled my Middle East trip because I’m too party.
Oh well. I guess it’ll fall to some other brave and wise ambassador to teach the leaders of the Middle East that “when you’re fightin’ you feel alright.”