Man, I was just thinking about how there’s not really enough social media sharing buttons at the bottom of every stupid piece-of-shit thing I read or listen to on the internet! Thank you, Myspace! How did you know that exactly what the world needs right now is a slightly-different-here-and-there-but-mostly-similar-so-as-to-remain-familiar-enough-to-not-seem-intimidating social media platform? Oh, what’s that? Because Justin Timberlake told you?? Oh, duh. Now it all makes sense. End of news story! See you tomorrow, readers!
Aaaaactually, what the heck: as long as we’re all here, let’s trudge through the nuts and bolts of this, shall we? Like, how “new” is this design? Did Justin Timberlake make it himself in his college dorm room? Did Steve Wozniak help? What sorts of cutting edge arts and entertainment technologies will be implemented to lure bands and fans away from Facebooks, Soundclouds, Bandcamps, and Lemonpartys? Is everything 3D? 4G? 5x? (Oh, you probably don’t know what that one is yet…) Well, according to Fact, the new Myspace was built “entirely from scratch.” So I guess I’ll just assume that to mean that new co-owners (Specific Media and Timberlake) must have built their own hardware, created some sort of radical new graphical user interface, wrote software to run on that interface and hardware, and then used all that to make another Myspace? Wow, sounds ambitious. And plausible! What else? Oh yeah, a new message posted on their website goes like this:
We’re hard at work building the new Myspace, entirely from scratch. But we’re staying true to our roots in one important way—empowering people to express themselves however they want. So whether you’re a musician, photographer, filmmaker, designer or just a dedicated fan, we’d love for you to be a part of our brand new community.
Dude, I’m totally allthose things! I gotta sign up for it before all the poseurs do! Out of my way!