Avey Brings Rifle on Animal Collective’s European Tour

Avey Tare's all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear-hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown one, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear.

The black bear says, "You've got two choices. One, I maul you to death. Or two, we have sex."

Avey bends over for the bear. He's sore for 2 days, walking around like a complete jerkoff, but he eventually recovers and vows revenge.

Avey heads out on another trip to Alaska and finds the black bear and kills it. At that moment, there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him. The grizzly says, "That was a big mistake. You've got 2 choices, "Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

Avey bends over. He survives, but he's really hurting this time, and it takes quite a bit of time to recover. And he's of course outraged!

Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and, after following Paw Tracks for miles, finds the grizzly and shoots him at point-blank range. There's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find Panda Bear.

Before Panda Bear could say anything, Avey says, "I know the drill, bub... I choose sex." Avey Tare and Panda Bear proceeded to make the most beautiful noise Alaska had ever heard.

Avey started booking dates as soon as the sex stank wore off:

* with Kria Brekkan

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Etc.