Like you, I have seen a lot of shows and, hence, I have been witness to many of the same horrific scenes that you all have: the unavoidable condom and tampon parade to the toilets; the doodoo dangling lovingly on the side of the crapper that looks exactly like a little strip of bacon you ingested not an hour ago; the bloody catfights ending with one combatant totally slaying the other with the prescient, "Your soul is a douche!" Oh, to have the cash to travel to exotic lands to see the same bands you would normally at your neighborhood shit-hole. Think of the probable minimal exquisitiveness of Blå in Oslo, the "ooh la la"-ness Adieu Interessant in Copenhagen... you just know people know how to enjoy germ-free live music in the Nordic climes. Of course being far away from the safety of the northern Americas is always a daunting prospect, but wouldn't it be nice to once not have to bite your tongues and choke back the vomit at a show for once? Imagine doing lines of bravery off the side of a sparkling bidet instead off the ATM card dangerously balanced on your knees? I, like everyone loosely affiliated with the smelly beast known as TMT, crave that acrid taste of bile that rises to my throat in certain scuzz-pub atmospheres, but I'm thinking of all you fledging aristocrats out there.

No, I'm sure Denmark, Finland, Norway, and Sweden have their fair share of repellant rooms that host hundreds of sweaty acts and their even-more-sweaty fans a year, but a boy can dream. The theory can be tested firsthand if you have the spare change for airfare. And the foreign setting will be just one of the beguiling, impressive, and possibly downright frightening things to see because Carlos Giffoni (Venezuelan-born keystroke tormentor, chronic collaborator, and founder of No Fun Fest, the annual gathering of the intense in New York) and Prurient (a.k.a. Dominick Fernow, baleful tumulterrorist and Hospital Productions prez) will take to the stage at the following dates, including one together at the iDEAL Fest in Stockholm. For all of you good citizens of Oslo, Gothenburg, etc., the shows will probably just seem like just another night at your local dive, but to us it may just be nirvana. iDEAL Productions have prepared a limited-to-500-copy, collaborative release of the two artists recorded live in Bushwick in time for the tour entitled Heavy Rain Returns, which promises to be pretty much what one would expect when two such devastatingly noisome artists collide.

All shows are solo sets except where noted...

11.09.06 – Oslo, Norway – Blå *
11.11.06 – Gothenburg, Sweden – Underjorden
11.12.06 – Stockholm, Sweden – Fylkingen, iDEAL Noise Fest (Prurient/Giffoni collaboration set) #
11.13.06 – Copenhagen, Denmark – Adieu Interessant $
11.14.06 – Jyväskylä, Finland – Huoneteatteri %
11.15.06 – Tampere, Finland – Vastavirtaklubi ^
11.17.06 – Helsinki, Finland – Kuudes linja, Avanto Fest (Giffoni only)
11.18.06 – Helsinki, Finland – Gloria, Avanto Fest (Prurient only)

* with Alvars Orkestar
# with The Skaters, Mokira, Dror Feiler, and The Skull Defekts
$ with Sewer Election, Noxagt, Alvars Orkestar, and Family Underground
% with Grunt
^ with Haare
& with Pymathon, Lau Nau, Nash Kontroll, and Kaukolampi, Puranen & Nykänen
+ with Hei, Tomutonttu, Islaja, and Black Dice

Prurient himself will see his original Pleasure Ground double cassette re-released by Load Records next Tuesday on CD. The LP comes out on December 5. Here be the tracks:

1. Military Road
2. Earthworks/Buried in Secret
3. Outdoorsman/Indestructable
4. Apple Tree Victim