Baltimore Slowly Taking Over The Thrill Jockey Roster, Double Dagger Joins The Team

By Tiffani Harcrow on Nov 18 2008

Long ago, when a pastor could deliver his or her words of fire and brimstone to a crowd of thousands of suburban SUV-drivers with clear and crisp confidence, no one dared to imagine that these portentous words would come to haunt the little ear mic thingies lodged in the auditory canals of preachers all over America: “Static, static, static, we’re on a video rage... This is the static age we live in.”

With the FCC’s approval of the Google- and Microsoft-backed plan to open unused portions of the airwaves to wireless devices once U.S. television broadcasts make the switch from analog to digital transmission in February 2009, Glenn Danzig’s song of shaky reception has become the rallying cry of a nation. Or the voice of a really weird amalgamation of lobbyists, including preachers from megachurches, Disney, Dolly Parton, and a few other groups that I will just assume are steamed by the deal, such as car salespeople announcing big blowout sales over their lot’s loudspeakers, boy bands that have fallen from glory and now perform for bored parents on their way to the Dippin’ Dots at mid-sized theme parks, and small-town new reporters demonstrating the art of grape-stomping.

Preachers, Dollywood employees, people dressed up as Sleeping Beauty at Disneyworld, and other really important people are speaking out against the FCC’s recent decision, because they fear that opening up the soon-to-be vacant airwaves to new wi-fi devices will interfere with the reception of wireless microphones used in sports and entertainment broadcasts. Religious groups are already expressing concern that such interference will cut into the budget to send their youth groups to witness spring-breakers at Myrtle Beach.

But leave it to the drug-addled, unstable FCC and wireless companies to endanger the most holy time of the week in their frenzy for their next convenient, wireless, cost-efficient high, as FCC commissioner Jonathan Adelstein explained, “Let's hope it's not just Wi-Fi on steroids but Wi-Fi on amphetamines."

Oh, why stop there, you godless technology companies? I want my wi-fi underage, hyped up on meth, and trespassing in the residents-only pool at Pinecrest Condominiums. Then I want it to put on a little lipstick and dance. But, most importantly, I want it to interrupt the mic feed for Dollywood Express.

By Liz Louche on Nov 18 2008

They featured a psychotherapist on bass, appeared at Live Aid, wrote the 1981 hit "Vienna," and starred a debonair mustache-rockin' frontman before that guy from The Killers and that guy from Gogol Bordello were even a glimmer in the NME's eye. One of their members co-wrote and provided a little producing pizazz for the perennial Lite FM holiday favorite, "Do They Know It's Christmas?" by the 1984 all-star megagroup Band Aid. Their name originally had an exclamation point in it, which is commonly regarded as an indicator of exciting awesomeness.

I am talking, of course, about Ultravox, the new wave/post-punk group originally formed in the late 1970s, who are -- you guessed it -- now reunited and it feels so good.

Details are limited, but my trusted informant (the Ultravox website) has told me that all four members of the 1980s Ultravox -- psychotherapist Chris Cross, violin/keyboard enthusiast Billy Currie, lord of the drums Warren Cann, and the once bemoustached Midge Ure -- are joining their awesome powers for this most recent excursion on the nostalgia reunion train, set to make stops throughout Wales, Scotland, and England.

These will be the group's first live performances since 1985.