Battles Tour, Release EP, Join Mile-High Club

Two months ago on a plane to New York, I was leafing through the in-flight entertainment guide hoping a better movie would play on the trip back (success if you call Lucky You good, and if you do, then I strongly disagree). In the back of the guide were playlists for the in-flight radio stations. One station was called "The Buzz" and sported the oh-so-enticing tagline "Open your ears to uncharted musical territory!" I assumed American Airlines thinks uncharted musical territory is "Hey There Delilah" -- and it does -- so I was confused to discover Battles' "Atlas" on the same station. Well, confused is an understatement; I freaked out, and the cat sitting on the woman next to me started going crazy. Speaking of which, what was a fucking CAT doing on a plane? Anyway, I spent the rest of the five hours wondering if the average flyer would actually be compelled to purchase Battles' excellent debut Mirrored (TMT Review). My conclusion? Doubtful.

Look for the creepy guy who was sitting next to you in the hotel lobby:

Xiu Xiu Complete New Album, Set January 2008 Release Date; Now Who Wants Some Porn??

Our clothes are soaking wet and nothing more than the sleeping bags we are carrying can warm us as we setup camp. We put the sleeping bags together and take off our clothing, pushing them to our feet, as we lay naked hugging each other for warmth.

We fall asleep around 4 A.M. and don't wake up until around noon. She wakes up, and I am still asleep. She kisses me passionately on the lips in order to wake me up. I awake nestled in her arms, looking into her beautiful eyes. Our clothes lay at our feet, still moist from the rain barrage that so vigorously poured on our bodies.

Our lips embrace as our hands massage a path wending down each other's bodies, grasping and exploring one another. The dilatory, lethargic grasp lasts only for a moment before she places her legs next to her hands, as I take her lap into mine, our skin meeting, her body rubbing against the tip of my member. She straddles my lap as I pull her even closer. Our tongues meet. Her eyes whisper passion and exultation at the sensations.

"Oh shit!!!" she exclaims.

"What?"

"I forgot to tell you. Xiu Xiu just finished recording their new album! All I know right now is that it's coming out January 2008 on Kill Rock Stars."

"Uh ok..." I say as my boner shows signs of weakening.

"If you're at CMJ this year, you can check out the new album at the Kill Rock Stars showcase with Xiu Xiu, Marnie Stern, The Mary Timony Band, and Miko Miko. I think it's on Wednesday, October 17 at the Gramercy Theater, but don't quote me on that."

"Okay okay. Can't we talk about this later?"

"Oh, haha, sorry," she says nervously.

"Now, why don't you put some stank on me!?"

She gets this puzzled look on her face.

"Wait a sec... did you steal that line from Will & Grace?"

And that's when I pulled up my pants.

Jens Lekman Goes on Tour to Promote Anti-Shyness Campaign

Oh my! Jens Lekman, creator of the highly lauded album Night Falls Over Kortedala, is set to go on tour throughout the United States. Check it out: even good ol' TMT writer Canino praised the album! So what's up with all this acclaim? Perhaps it's because Jens Lekman is going on tour just to bolster support for his disgust with shy, bashful types?? Yes, you read that right! Jens Lekman has an aversion to shy people! Just check out the lyrics to "It Was a Strange Time in My Life":

People seem to think a shy personality equals gifted

But if they would get to know one I'm sure that idea would have shifted

Most shy people I know are extremely boring

Either that or they are miserable from all the shit they've been storing.

As we all know, lyrics are always autobiographical and should be taken as true to heart. So, let us all voice our disapproval for those annoying shy friends of ours and catch Lekman shy-hatin' at one of the several tourdates across the great and wonderful United States. Yay!

Tourdates:

# Throw Me The Statue

$ Solo Dates

Gibbard, His Shins, That Spoon You Ate Your Animal Collectivities With This Morning Are All on A Darfur Benefit Comp Together

If we had a contest for lamest headline, I bet I'd win. I mean, is that headline even grammatically correct? P? Is it?

Waxploitation have decided to do a Darfur benefit comp featuring rare and EXCLUSIVE tracks from Death Cab for Cutie, The Shins, Animal Collective, Spoon, Bright Eyes, The Cure, Bloc Party, The Black Keys, and more.

Now children, we all know about the Darfur conflict right? Well, click here if you want to read up.

...

Back? Good, now hopefully that convinced you to support this cause even more than simply the prospect of Ben Gibbard's nuts touching your copy of the comp. Of course, who doesn't love a little Ben Gibbard nut stank? Hell, have you seen his new website!? I hope he posts some nudes soon!

Anyway, the benefit comp is called Causes 1, and it comes out November 27 on iTunes for 90 days. Waxploitation is also releasing a limited-edition CD version, which will be available here.

Here are the trax, not in their final order:

* exclusive

Bob Mould Signs to Anti-, The Label “On Which the New Album Will Be Released”

I had a conversation with a friend this morning that went like this:

DUDE, GUESS WHAT?! (What?) Bob Mould is releasing a new album! (No way!) Yeah man! It's called District Line... (WHEN!?!) I was just about to tell you, until you interrupted. (Oh, whoops. Sorry.) It will be released on February 5, 2008. (Holy holy shit! But Mango, my friend, which label will it be released on?) You mean, "on which label will it be released?" (What do you mean?) Well, you shouldn't end sentences with prepositions. So, just stick "on" before "which." Try saying it again. (Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about.) That's because you're not a journalist. (I don't want to be.) Yeah you do. (How do you know?) Because everyone wants to be a journalist. We're awesome. So, say the sentence again, motherfucker. (So you call what you're doing on TMT "journalism"?) Yeah, so? (You people can't write worth shit. It's a bunch of wasted time, if you ask me. I like my news straight and to the point. You have like five fucking paragraphs about boners before one word about the artist which you're writing on.) There you go again. (What do you mean?) You meant "the artist on which you're writing." Say it correctly. (Oh, fuck off.)

What a tool, am I right readers? Anyway, Anti- is the label that District Line "will be released on." Pffffffffft. Fucking ridiculous.

Tourdates:

  

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