Bill Callahan to Tour, Me to be Unnecessarily Vague to Mask Actual Respect and Appreciation, Parody Bible

BILL CALLAHAN’S TO-DO LIST:

1. Cat Power
2. Joanna Newsom
3. Tour

Dates:
08.10.07 – Dublin, Ireland – The Village
08.11.07 – Galway, Ireland – Roisin Dubh
08.12.07 – Belfast, Ireland - Spring & Airbrake
08.14.07 – Glasgow, Scotland – Arches
08.16.07 – London, England - Dingwall's
08.17.07 – Brecon Beacons, UK – Glanusk Park, Green Man Festival
09.07.07 – New York – Highline Ballroom
09.14.07 – Chicago, IL – Lakeshore Theater

SMOG 11:19 And the Lord God looked down on the traveler in the good and plentiful valley. Blessed art thou who goes forth in the valley of grapevines! Thou art the light of the world. Hi-fi production shall test thou in the valley, but thou shall defeat temptation and plant thy feet for love. Thou shall find fellow travelers Cat Power and Joanna Newsom in the valley, and strive to plant seeds in their gardens. Good traveler, do not be afraid when darkness befalls the valley of grapevines, for from Smog and darkness comes great light!

After two years, The Mae Shi have decided to announce a two-week tour. They'll be flying to the East Coast with their friends Yea Big and Kid Static, and they need YOU to help them book their tour! (If you can pay them $100, that is!) Really! Check it out:

As with all Mae Shi tours, we want to play
living rooms, basements, garages, office buildings and rooftops. We
want to play your birthday parties and quinceañeras and bar mitzvahs.
We are honoring our previous offer of playing your event for $100
(although some restrictions apply -- see below). So if you're
interested in hosting a Mae Shi show or can help us find a venue in
your area, contact us at [this address].

Their new album, HLLLYH, which will come out this fall on Moshi Moshi in Europe, doesn't have a U.S. release scheduled because, well, it doesn't have a label yet -- so if you know anyone who's interested, also shoot them a line about that.

Playing your basement, office building, garage, rooftop, or birthday party this summer:
07.31.07 - TBA - Anywhere between Chicago and Washington D.C. ^
08.01.07 - Punk Rock Hotel, Washington, D.C. ^*
08.02.07 - Silent Barn, NYC ^*&
08.03.07 - TBA, Anywhere within 250 miles of NYC ^
08.04.07 - TBA, Anywhere within 250 miles of NYC ^
08.05.07 - Johnny Brenda's, Philadelphia, PA ^
08.06.07 - TBA ^
08.07.07 - TBA ^
08.08.07 - TBA ^
08.09.07 - TBA, Anywhere within 300 miles of Chicago ^
08.10.07 - Av-aerie, Chicago, IL ^
08.11.07 - TBA ^
08.12.07 - TBA ^

^ Yea Big + Kid Static

* XBXRX

& Meneguar

Summerfest Kicks Off with a Big Bang! Shit, You Missed Steely Dan and REO Speedwagon. FUCK!

"I don't even really consider Summerfest to be a music festival," were my friend Elliot's words today when describing the world's largest music festival — now in its 40th year — which opened last night in Milwaukee, WI and runs through July 8.

The vision of Summerfest, purportedly to revitalize the Milwaukee downtown and unite the community, at least serves to draw out much of Wisconsin's riff-raff, usually content with dairy consumption, for a week or so of increased beer drinking, cigarette chain-smoking, and marijuana use along the rocks lining the Lake Michigan shore/Summerfest grounds.

To be certain, music can be heard. The festival includes year-in, year-out, washed-up mainstays Styx, Weird Al Yankovic, Finger Eleven, Reel Big Fish, Rusted Root, Collective Soul, Peter Frampton, and comedian Lewis Black.

Summerfest also presents the impossible task of choosing between Umphrey's McGee, Bob Weir & RatDog, and Keller Williams, all of whom play on July 5, at least for the likely doped-up, dreaded-out, noodle-dancing attendees.

Other headlining, national touring acts include O.A.R., Silversun Pickups, Shiny Toy Guns, Wolfmother, Sugarland, Blue Oyster Cult, Sum 41, Fuel, Goo Goo Dolls, Rise Against, Slaughter, Lindsay Buckingham, Lifehouse, Sister Hazel, Big & Rich, George Thorogood, Saliva, King Solomon, Heart, Social Distortion, Femi Kuti, The Wailers, Jackyl, Buddy Guy, A.F.I., WAR, Randy Travis, The Black Crowes, Plain White T's, Less Than Jake, Asia, Arrested Development, Local H, Los Lonely Boys, B.B. King, Sevendust, Augustana, Chevelle, Dashboard Confessional, Hellyeah!, Cowboy Mouth, Live, Papa Roach, Guster, Old 97s, Son Volt, Lupe Fiasco, G. Love & Special Sauce, INXS, and Brain McKnight. I know, I know — stop me when I mention something you like, something that was moderately cool to your kid sister years ago. The entire schedule can be viewed here.

Offering the slightest bit of redemption value or what may be of interest to Tiny Mix Tapes readers are Built To Spill and Spoon.

Rounding out the festival are a slew of local Wisconsin acts including, but not limited to, The LoveMonkeys, Pat McCurdy, Willy Porter Band, and Speakeasy, featuring the Iron Mike Dison on trombone, one of my middle school assistant band directors, who I could tell you a seedy tale or two about.

Admission will run you $15 if you're an adult (over 10 years old) attending the fest after 4 PM. It'll cost a mere $8 if you enter the festival grounds prior to 4 PM on a weekday, but I'd advise strongly against it. Then again, if you're hell-bent on seeing Spoon, staking out spots several hours before their set could guarantee better "seats" — everyone stands on the rows of metal, bleacher seats, all of which sit on a level surface -- no theater or stadium seating here, so no un-obstructed views either.

For that kind of luxury seating you can pay mega bucks to see Def Leppard w/ Foreigner and Styx; The Fray w/ OK Go, Ludacris w/ Chris Brown, Ciara, and T-Pain; Roger Waters; John Mayer w/ Ben Folds; Tool; Bon Jovi; Daughtry; Panic at the Disco! w/ Gym Class Heroes; or Toby Keith w/ Miranda Lambert, and Flynnville, who play the Marcus Amphitheater on successive dates, each show requiring its own individually purchased, full-priced ticket, as well as the normal admission into the festival grounds.

What I'm getting at here, and I apologize for burying my lead at the end of the story, is that the world's largest music festival is potentially also the world's most expensive and may not even be worth attending. Unless you really like Miller Lite.

Weezer is back in the studio, and I’m stuck wondering how long my series of Dada-influenced stories will last before I’m eventually fired from a volunteer position.

My friend, Ryan, told me, over beers (lots of beers), that the last two Weezer albums weren’t very good because Rivers realized he could make a lot more money releasing highly accessible pop versus songs about infant Japanese girls. Infant Japanese girls, however, have been having J-Pop shoved down their throats by parents.

Soooo, Weezer’s accessible pop has been interfering with the natural process by which young children’s ears mature and develop. By the age of 13, a youngster’s eardrums are strong and able! They can handle the intense vibrations and discern highly inventive tunes from the throbbing immaculate, diamond–studded cut of Chris Benoit’s legacy.

The Canadian Crippler crippled his ties with Weezer last week when he did away with his life and wife. But that hasn’t kept Rivers from preaching the good times. Early '08 is the projected date for the good word.

Rivers and Co. may be coming to your town, so if you ladies out there have a free night to get crazy with the “Blue Boys” and watch [Vera Drake] on the big screen in their giant pink and purple Streamliner tour van, but NO HANKY-PANKY! So you girls who want to get drunk and humped will have to find some cute Harvard alumni.

But in all seriousness, the main point of this essay is not to talk about Rivers and his battle with abstinence, but that the good ol’ boys are back in the studio starting July. Really, that is all I wanted to say. I’m not sure how we started talking about Chris Benoit or young Japanese girls. I mean, it’s true those topics couldn’t be avoided, but I just want to make clear that Weezer is releasing a new album sometime in the early of 2008. Thank you, and God Bless the United States of America.

XBXRX Consider Being Special Middle East Envoys for Palestinian Governance and Economic Issues

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Three reasons to go see XBXRX:

1

2

3

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Three reasons why you might not go see XBXRX:

1

2

3 (listening to this in privacy is your best bet)

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Your choice

07.21.07 - Baltimore MD - Whartscape Festival
07.22.07 - Johnson City, TN - The Hideaway
07.23.07 - Murfreesboro, TN - The Boro Bar
07.24.07 - Athens, GA - Caledonia
07.25.07 - Atlanta, GA - Drunken Unicorn
07.26.07 - Birmingham, AL - The Bottletree Cafe
07.27.07 - Pensacola, FL - Sluggo‘s
07.28.07 - Orlando, FL - Taste
07.29.07 - Miami, FL - Churchill‘s
07.30.07 - Jacksonvoille, FL - TSI
07.31.07 - Wilmington, NC - Soapbox Laundro Lounge
08.01.07 - Washington DC - Rock And Roll Hotel
08.02.07 - Brooklyn, NY - Toddpnyc.com
08.26.07 - Los Angeles, CA - The Fuck Yeah Festival @ The Echo

Sounds tracklist (improv EP out later this year on Important!):

[Photos: Chris Woo (first photo), Sun Humns (second photo)]

Now This Is What It’s Like When Worlds Collide, Now This Is What It’s Like: Acid Mothers Guru Guru Tour

At my (real) place of employment — we'll call it a warehouse job — the employees are allowed use of the Musicmatch Jukebox. This is a luxury no other previous workplace I've encountered has afforded its employees, so we all feel very privileged.

But, more than a privilege, it's a responsibility.

But no one IS responsible; we're all a bunch of greedy fucks. No one takes turns: everyone puts their track selections ahead of everyone else's; people select outrageous amounts of music. Worst, no one has any sense of decency when selecting picks in music tracks — there's a lot of R. Kelly, shitty reggaeton, and Top 40 R&B.

Come to think of it, maybe the true crime is that which is not available through the service — 95% of The Beatles' catalog, good Captain Beefheart, the early Suicide albums, etc.

But I was surprised to see one Acid Mothers Temple album, Electric Heavyland, and so I selected the first track, the 15-minute "Atomic Rotary Grinding God/Quicksilver Machine Head." Not two minutes of the track played until it was skipped by Krista over to Powerman 5000, which caused her to lip-synch and bop her head in delight. Now, I guess, this is what it's like when worlds collide. Now this is what it's like.

Out there in the real world, when Tsuyama Atsushi and Kawabata Makoto of Acid Mothers Temple and Mani Neumeier of Guru Guru collide, they become Acid Guru's Temple — no, Acid Mothers Guru Guru, and then they go on a U.S. tour:

  

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