Let’s get one thing straight. The Black Keys (Dan Autumnbottom and Patrick Stump, I think their names are?) are not, in fact, biological “brothers.” Oh SURE, they may “bro-down” a lot together, and they probably know more about each other from both releasing records like the forthcoming Brothers LP (due May 18 via Nonesuch) and touring the world together in support of said recordings… but let’s be honest here: these guys are liars. And moreover, as a male myself who actually DOES have a male sibling out there in the world, I find their cavalier and insensitive casual use of the term “brothers” to be oppressive, confrontational, and offensive. There’s a word for what they’re doing. It’s called Fratricism, people! The smugness of these guys will not stand! Not in MY United States of America, friends.
I am here today to suggest that we TRUE brothers unite in a fraternal boycott of all promotions and tourdates related to this Black Keys release! Who is with me? Never mind that they’ve just added a second show at Central Park’s SummerStage on July 28 following their sold-out July 27 show! And never mind that those Fratricists who purchase presale tickets starting March 30 through the band’s website will receive a special bundle, which includes a copy of Brothers upon its release (either digital only or digital and physical!), as well as two free instant downloads from the album — “Next Girl” and the Dangermouse-produced “Tighten Up”! And certainly never mind that The Black Keys will also be playing a handful of spring warm-up dates, including an opening slot for their professed-heroes Pearl Jam at Madison Square Garden on May 20 and performances on the Late Show on May 25 and Late Night with Whoever on May 26! No, my friends. Pay no attention to these things whatsoever. Resist the temptation to dance and sing to this catchy-yet-myth-perpetuating devil music! Biological brothers unite! The degradation ends today.
Fratricism Tour 2010:
04.08.10 - Iowa City, IA, University of Iowa Memorial
04.10.10 - San Francisco, CA - Yuri’s Night Bay Area 2010
04.17.10 - Live Oak, FL - Wanee Music Festival
04.18.10 - Miami, FL - The Fillmore Miami Beach
04.19.10 - Orlando, FL - The House of Blues
05.20.10 - New York, NY - Madison Square Garden
05.25.10 - New York, NY - “Late Show with David Letterman”
05.26.10 - New York, NY - “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon”
06.02.10 - Salt Lake City, UT - The Depot
06.03.10 - Denver, CO - The Fillmore
06.04.10 - Kansas City, MO - The Crossroads
06.08.10 - Minneapolis, MN - First Ave
06.09.10 - Minneapolis, MN - First Ave
06.10.10 - St. Louis, MO - The Pagaent
06.11.10 - Manchester, TN - Bonnaroo
07.27.10 - New York, NY - Central Park SummerStage
07.28.10 - New York, NY - Central Park SummerStage
Brothers
01. Everlasting Light
02. Next Girl
03. Tighten Up
04. Howlin’ For You
05. She’s Long Gone
06. Black Mud
07. The Only One
08. Too Afraid To Love You
09. Ten Cent Pistol
10. Sinister Kid
11. The Go Getter
12. I’m Not The One
13. Unknown Brother
14. Never Gonna Give You Up
15. These Days
• The Black Keys: http://www.theblackkeys.com
• Nonesuch: http://www.nonesuchrecords.com
[Photo: James Carney]
