Late '60s band reforms for 2007 tour... ugh. News of this sort of thing would normally require a few stabs to my genitals with an old geometry set compass just to keep me awake and humored, but for some odd reason, I am intrigued. Blue Cheer, known for being weightier than a Hummer driven by Rosie O'Donnell, Pavarotti, and the motorcycle-loving world's fattest twins, haven't actually reformed; they have been back together in some way, shape or form since the late 1980s. (Sorry... that fat crack was very lowest-common-denominator of me. Like I should talk. I break into a heavy sweat getting in and out of bed.) One of the, if not THE loudest band of all time will be touring the U.S. and Canada starting April 6 in Philadelphia, and they promise to be heavier than ever. If there were any doubts, playing with incomparable Wilkes-Barre noiseniks An Albatross will ensure that they keep that promise.

As for An Albatross, the band that never stops touring will stay on the road after their Blue Cheer shows, because they have to finish the second leg of their honkin' huge European tour, which began earlier in the year. The following dates are for the tour-happy band, so there WILL be more dates added anytime (expect dates to be added for the U.K., Germany, Belgium, Switzerland, Spain, Atlantis, Oz, Eurasia, Babar's Kingdom, etc.). Blue Cheer/An Albatross shows are marked with a happy, horny $, %, ^, or *.

Rock on, seriously:
03.16.07 - Austin, TX - Redrum, SXSW Eyeball Showcase
03.31.07 - Wilkes-Barre, PA - Café Metropolis #
04.06.07 - Philadelphia, PA - Northstar $
04.07.07 - New York, MY - Rebel %
04.08.07 - Boston, MA - Great Scott ^
04.09.07 - Montréal, Quebec - La Sala Rossa $
04.10.07 - Toronto, Ontario - Sneaky Dee's $
04.11.07 - Buffalo, NY - TBA $
04.12.07 - Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom $
04.13.07 - Lansing, MI - Mac's Bar $
04.14.07 - Chicago, IL - Schuba's *
04.15.07 - Columbus, OH - Ravari Room $
04.16.07 - Vermont, MN - TBA $
04.17.07 - Washington, DC - Black Cat $
05.02.07 - Paris, France - TBA
05.03.07 - Limoges, France - Cafteur
05.04.07 - Rennes, France - Mondo Bizarro
05.05.07 - Évreux, France - Abordage
05.06.07 - Dunkerque, France - TBA
05.07.07 - Brighton, England - The Hope
05.08.07 - London, England - Old Blue Last
05.09.07 - Exeter, England - Cavern
05.10.07 - Leeds, England - Brundenell Social Club
05.11.07 - Liverpool, England - The Magnet
05.12.07 - Glasgow, Scotland - Nice 'n' Sleazy's
05.13.07 - Birmingham, England - Barfly
05.14.07 - York, England - Fibbers
05.15.07 - Cardiff, Wales - Barfly
05.16.07 - London, England - Barfly
05.21.07 - Hamburg, Germany - Hafenklang-Exil
05.22.07 - Münster, Germany - Gleis 22
05.25.07 - Munich, Germany - Feierwerk
05.26.07 - Beilefeld, Germany - AJZ
05.29.07 - Milan, Italy - Magnolia

# Hot Cross

$ Blue Cheer

% Blue Cheer and Stephen Brodsky's Octave Museum

^ Blue Cheer, Doomriders, and Stephen Brodsky's Octave Museum

* Blue Cheer and Del Rey

Library of Congress Archives Significant Recordings: Velvet Underground, Sam Cooke, Bob Newhart

The National Recording Preservation Act of 2000 is definitely in my top five Acts of all time, trailing closely behind the Flood Control Act of 1944, the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882, Act V of Hamlet, and ActRaiser for the SNES. This more recent Act places responsibility on the hallowed Library of Congress to choose select recordings each year that are at least a decade old and are "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant." While most official selections of "significant music" are endlessly nausea-inducing (oh if only I could be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame!), the Library of Congress and its resident social pariahs know their shit. Just last year, they chose albums by Gil Scott-Heron, Jerry Lee Lewis, Frank Zappa, and Sonic Youth. Along with traditional "album" recordings, they induct other wacky stuff, like the sound of an old foghorn used in Kewaunee, Wisconsin! Librarians: I demand a mixtape.

This year they've chosen a similarly boppin' crew. Jelly Roll Morton, Cole Porter, Carl Perkins, The Rolling Stones, Sam Cooke, Paul Simon, and The Velvet Underground all get to rub shoulders with the likes of, FDR and, um, Bob Newhart. In total they've decided on 25 recordings, one of which is a finger-snappin' ditty I like to call the 1924 National Defense Test. Thus far, there have been 225 entries in the Registry.

Nominations for the 2007 list are currently being accepted here. Together, friends, we can preserve Mariah Carey's seminal '94 Merry Christmas for our children and for our children's children.

It took months for me to see the light. I steadfastly avoided Sub Pop's (São) paulistano sextet Cansei De Ser Sexy for reasons of perceived hokiness and novelty. Of course, I was way off-base as usual. You have to be a quadri-miser-asshole of the highest order (I'm thinking along the lines of a Hitler/Steve Jobs/Ty Cobb/Ebenezer Scrooge mix here) to not get CSS, or to not at least break a smile and some dancefloor sweat when you hear those synth-propelled, racy electro riddims. I was planning on submitting one of my standard dullard stories for the upcoming CSS Euro/North American tours but was then surprised and more than a little hot and bothered when lead screamer Lovefoxxx herself (or most absolutely someone posing as Ms. 'Foxxx) sent me this to post; how could I say no?

Call me on over so you can take me for a wink wink,

I turn the tables and quickly strap you to the sink, sink.

Take all your cash then to the airport on time,

Catch the first flight to Europe, order Stolis with lime.

Get off on the plane, confiscatin' my sexxx toys,

Seven Irish dates makes us feel like The Waterboys.

All over Europe we'll be shakin' our thangs,

Gonna knock out your guts so you suffer from stomach pangs.

Cra-zy cra-zy cra-zy! Wha the fuss? No foolin'.

Spaniards and Frenchmen, it's your brains we'll be unspooling.

Soaking wet crowds make me open like the halls of Big Ben,

It's tough luck to know I am lovin' up so many men.

Beats come so hard you'll think that you're pissed,

Spitting green chunks like that chick from The Exorcist.

Grab hold of the microphone, I'm screaming your name,

Ten pints of beer makes me feel that you're all the same.

Skinny boys all over us insisting they're well-hung,

Knock them all down with a lick from my sharp tongue.

We end in San Fran-disco for some mad love NoisePop slop,

Then I'll hop on you quick like I'm hop-hoppin' on top-top.

Untie you quick just to keep you off your feet,

Sitting on the floor, face buried in my Mini-Wheat ("Frosted!").

I hurts my heart to have to mess with your mind,

This kind of loving means I'm cruel to be super-kind.

By the smile on your face I know I'm not mean,

CSS is so hot that you cream in your blue jeans.

I leave knowing well that my job here is done,

I leave knowing well that my job here is never done.

'Cause Cansei De Ser Sexy is a force that won't stop,

As pert, perky, perfect as a smooth, sexxxy lollipop.

C'mon! How is a poor newsy going to compete with that? Some of the dates below (particularly the Euro ones) are with Tilly and the Wall and Ratatat. I'm not sure which ones though

04.01.07 - Helsinki, Finland - Tavastia Club
04.03.07 - Porto, Portugal - Casa Da Musica, Sala 2
04.04.07 - Lisbon, Portugal - Club Lux
04.05.07 - Madrid, Spain - Sala Carocol
04.06.07 - Barcelona, Spain - Razzmatazz
04.07.07 - Marmande, France - Festival Garorock
04.09.07 - Brussels, Belgium - Botanique
04.10.07 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso
04.11.07 - Cologne, Germany - Gebaude 9
04.12.07 - Berlin, Germany - Maria
04.13.07 - Vienna, Austria - Flex
04.15.07 - Milan, Italy - Magazzini Generali
04.16.07 - Rome, Italy - Circolo Degli Artisti
04.18.07 - Paris, France - Élysée Montmartre
04.20.07 - Cork, Rep. of Ireland - Savoy
04.21.07 - Dublin, Rep. of Ireland - Ambassador Theatre
04.22.07 - London, England - Astoria
04.23.07 - London, England - Astoria
04.24.07 - Manchester, England - The Ritz
04.25.07 - Edinburgh, Scotland - The Liquid Room, Triptych Festival
04.26.07 - Glasgow, Scotland - Barrowlands, Triptych Festival
04.29.07 - Indio, CA - Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival
05.10.07 - Carlow, Rep. of Ireland - The Music Factory
05.11.07 - Dublin, Rep. of Ireland - Trinity College
05.12.07 - Belfast, N. Ireland - Mandela Hall
05.13.07 - Limerick, Rep. of Ireland - Dolan's Warehouse
05.17.07 - Brighton, England - Great Escape Festival
06.01.07 - New York, NY - Irving Plaza
06.02.07 - Cambridge, MA - Middle East
06.03.07 - Montréal, Quebec - La Tulipe
06.04.07 - Toronto, Ontario - The Horseshoe
06.06.07 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Richard's on Richards
06.07.07 - Seattle, WA - Neumos
06.08.07 - Portland, OR - Doug Fir Lounge
06.09.07 - San Francisco, CA - Noise Pop, Mezzanine
07.07.07 - Kinross, Scotland - T in the Park Festival
07.08.07 - Naas, Rep. of Ireland - Oxegen Festival

Our Brother The Native Finish Second Album, Plan Tour, Create Arby’s Melt/Beef ’n’ Cheddar Hybrid

There are several mysteries on earth that man may never know the answer to. Riddles that need solving, problems that need solutions, puzzles that need, er, jigsaw-ing — that kind of thing. But who are we as mere mortals to expect everything to be placed on our lap like a dinner-time napkin? It’s just not how life works... some things are meant to remain a mystery.

For example, what’s the difference between an Arby’s Melt and an Arby’s Beef ’n’ Cheddar? They both have beef, both are lavishly topped with cheese that should by all rights be plopped on a nacho, both are housed comfortably by a bread-based bun. Questions like this have haunted man for centuries; you could spend your entire life knocking your brains out, or you could just accept that you don’t know everything... but man, what is the difference? And why do tortilla chips have to be a snack and not a meal, you know? I don’t understand stuff like that...

Many people were equally confounded when I put Our Brother The Native’s debut album, Tooth and Claw, wayyyyyyyy up high on my 2006 Top-25 list. “What are you thinking, you fool, you blasphemist, you conjurer of messy roast beast!” they said. “Go back to the indie cave from whenst you came and take your beefy cheddars and large curlies with you. You... you disgust me. [whispering] Oh, and could I bum a few curlies before you hit the road?”

My reasoning? Well, I think it’s a great album. It stirred the juices of inspiration in me like only a superior piece of art (or a superior order of curlies) can. When I heard it for the first time, I stood up in the middle of my sprawling workplace and yelled, “My life now starts ANEW! Things are going to be different for me from now on!! You! Yes you, with the purple shirt, GET ME A CUP OF COFFEE!! You with the arched eyebrows, FLUFF MY SEAT CUSHION! THAT’S RIGHT, REALLY KNEAD THAT SHIT!!! I’ll be back to rule some more after my two-hour lunch break. BE AFRAID!”

And that was about it. I might have also used my super-powers to manipulate the weather, thus causing a huge indoor hurricane, but I don’t really remember. I was pretty tired that day. Speaking of tired, Our Brother The Native aren’t tired at all. In fact, they’ve completed their sophomore [pronounced ‘Soph-OOOO-Meuvre] album for FatCat Records, to be entitled Make Ammends, for We are Merely Vessels. They’ve even planned a short beef ’n’ cheddar, I mean, tour, for March. Well how about that, a tour! Some real go-getters, they are.

[I think it has to do with the size/persuasion of the bun, the weight of the roast beef, and the mandatory use of special sauce]:

Oh no! It’s Ono. (Yeah, that’s the news story title. Do I want to rewrite it? No, why? It’s too short? Well, it’s not as short as your weenie. Burn!)

When she is not busy pissing off residents of Liverpool for covering the city with posters of a woman's breast and vulva during its 2004 biennial celebration or blocking the latest Lennon documentary, Three Days in the Life, from being screened publicly, Yoko Ono is releasing a lot of music. Exactly why Ono has been embraced so warmly in 2007 after years of indignation and outright hatred is anyone's guess, but it is happening.

Important artist or hanger-on? Honest primal vocalist or a bowel obstruction set to music? No one polarizes people quite like Yoko does, and for that reason alone, we love her. [For the record, why would anyone want the old and tired Beatles of 1970 to soldier on when you could have the often-brilliant post-Beatles output by all four members, especially in the early 1970s? Bah! Give me any of Plastic Ono Band, Imagine, Ram, Band on the Run, All Things Must Pass, Living in the Material World, or Beaucoups de Blues over another Let It Be any day (Sorry Ringo, only one from you, just like your vocal contributions to The Beatles albums!). There. Rant over.]

Where was I? Oh, Yoko! After the widely-applauded release of her guest interpretive/collaborative album Yes, I'm a Witch in February, the 74-year-old, conceptual and performance artist, filmmaker, feminist, activist, humanitarian, mother, ex-wife, ex-collaborator of John Cage and Ornette Coleman, ex-Fluxus member, and ex-junkie will see a remix album of her work released on April 24 by "the home of uncompromising music" (read: Astralwerks). The tracklist contains mixes by some well-known giants in the electro, futuristic, gyration scene like Pet Shop Boys, Basement Jaxx, and Felix Da Housecat, and others that are less famous (at least to this close-minded, dance dance ignoration news writer).

Open your mouth, open your legs, open your wallet, open your ears. Randomly play CD and record an excerpt onto a slice of scotch tape, then send it to a stranger you've known for years (note found in Nadelle's forgotten Fluxus Box #4):

1. "You're the One" - Bimbo Jones Main Mix
2. "Everyman Everywoman" - Basement Jaxx Classic Mix
3. "Walking on Thin Ice" - Felix Da Housecat's Tribute Mix
4. "Hell in Paradise" - Peter Rauhofer Reconstruction Mix
5. "Give Me Something" - Morel's Pink Noise Vocal Mix
6. "Walking on Thin Ice" - Pet Shop Boys Electro Mix
7. "I Don't Know Why" - Sapphirecut Mix
8. "Ying Yang" - Orange Factory Down & Dirty Mix

Number9, number9, number9. "Will I" - John Creamer & Stephen K Mix
10. "Everyman Everywoman" - Murk Space Mix
11. "Kiss Kiss Kiss" - Superchumbo Main Mix
12. "Open Your Box" - Orange Factory Club Mix
13. "Walking on Thin Ice - "Danny Tenaglia Walked Across the Lake Mix
14. "Give Peace a Chance" - DJ Dan Vocal Mix

Victoriaville, Quebec. It is a quaint blip lying on the Nicolet River, the Trans Canada Highway, and Canadian National Railway. It is about a hundred miles northeast of Montréal and 72 miles south of Québec City. It is famous for its hardwood. Originally a settlement known as Demersville, the city changed its name to honor Queen Victoria in 1861 (I am guessing much to the distress of the town's French-speaking majority). It is regularly referred to as the "arsehole of Quebec" by a friend of mine, but I know this is primarily because he got his ass dumped by a girl from ‘Victo.' As a lumber-heavy mill town, Victoriaville is definitely most famous for the hockey sticks that bear the town's name. I switched my stick allegiance many years ago to Sherwood 5030s after planting the blade of my Victoriaville in a sidewalk crack while playing road hockey and bagging myself something terrible in the process.

For our purposes at TMT, the city's royal name will only be spoken in conjunction with the "musique actuelle" festival it hosts every year, namely, The Festival International de Musique Actuelle de Victoriaville. Priding itself on booking and presenting "modern" music in the very best sense of the word, this is the 24th edition and once again features visceral international inventors, composers, and installers alongside neo-classical heavyweights alongside noisy sound wrestlers alongside musique-concrete manipulators alongside non-traditional sound sculptors alongside, well, you get the picture, right? Additionally, Victoriaville loves introducing "world" or North American premieres of ensembles and shows and gets off on giving the spotlight to many artists before others catch up and are forced to. There is no downside I can think of; there's no reason why you shouldn't take a trip north to visit the economic capital of the "Bois-Franc" region of Quebec from May 17-21, despite what my bitter friend says.

Here's the lineup so far: Anthony Braxton 12(+1)-tet, John Zorn (solo), Acid Mothers Gong, Marilyn Crispell/Lotte Anker/Andrew Cyrille/Mark Helias, Corkestra, Jean-François Laporte, Michael Snowith Alan Licht/Aki Onda, Theresa Transistor, Melvins, Koenji Hyakkei, "Signal Quintet" (Jason Kahn/Tomas Korber/Norbert Möslang/Günter Müller/Christian Weber), Victoriaville Matière Sonore, Larry Peacock, Carla Bozulich, Magik Markers, Quasar/Alexandre Burton/Julien Roy, Anthony Braxton Diamond Curtain Wall Trio, Fine Kwiatkowski/Hans Tammen, John Tilbury/Stevie Wishart/Christof Kurzmann/Werner Dafeldecker, Fond of Tigers, Joane Hétu, Kevin Blechdom/Eugene Chadbourne, Daniel Menche, and Keiji Haino/Merzbow.

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