Bob Mould Signs to Anti-, The Label “On Which the New Album Will Be Released”

I had a conversation with a friend this morning that went like this:

DUDE, GUESS WHAT?! (What?) Bob Mould is releasing a new album! (No way!) Yeah man! It's called District Line... (WHEN!?!) I was just about to tell you, until you interrupted. (Oh, whoops. Sorry.) It will be released on February 5, 2008. (Holy holy shit! But Mango, my friend, which label will it be released on?) You mean, "on which label will it be released?" (What do you mean?) Well, you shouldn't end sentences with prepositions. So, just stick "on" before "which." Try saying it again. (Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about.) That's because you're not a journalist. (I don't want to be.) Yeah you do. (How do you know?) Because everyone wants to be a journalist. We're awesome. So, say the sentence again, motherfucker. (So you call what you're doing on TMT "journalism"?) Yeah, so? (You people can't write worth shit. It's a bunch of wasted time, if you ask me. I like my news straight and to the point. You have like five fucking paragraphs about boners before one word about the artist which you're writing on.) There you go again. (What do you mean?) You meant "the artist on which you're writing." Say it correctly. (Oh, fuck off.)

What a tool, am I right readers? Anyway, Anti- is the label that District Line "will be released on." Pffffffffft. Fucking ridiculous.

Tourdates:

Bob Mould Signs to Anti-, The Label “On Which the New Album Will Be Released”

I had a conversation with a friend this morning that went like this:

DUDE, GUESS WHAT?! (What?) Bob Mould is releasing a new album! (No way!) Yeah man! It's called District Line... (WHEN!?!) I was just about to tell you, until you interrupted. (Oh, whoops. Sorry.) It will be released on February 5, 2008. (Holy holy shit! But Mango, my friend, which label will it be released on?) You mean, "on which label will it be released?" (What do you mean?) Well, you shouldn't end sentences with prepositions. So, just stick "on" before "which." Try saying it again. (Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about.) That's because you're not a journalist. (I don't want to be.) Yeah you do. (How do you know?) Because everyone wants to be a journalist. We're awesome. So, say the sentence again, motherfucker. (So you call what you're doing on TMT "journalism"?) Yeah, so? (You people can't write worth shit. It's a bunch of wasted time, if you ask me. I like my news straight and to the point. You have like five fucking paragraphs about boners before one word about the artist which you're writing on.) There you go again. (What do you mean?) You meant "the artist on which you're writing." Say it correctly. (Oh, fuck off.)

What a tool, am I right readers? Anyway, Anti- is the label that District Line "will be released on." Pffffffffft. Fucking ridiculous.

Tourdates:

Buck 65 to Tour, Sage Francis to Buy Him a Puppy

In order to promote his upcoming full-length, Situation, scheduled for release October 30 on Strange Famous Records, Buck 65 has slotted some krrrazzzzzzy tourdates, mmmhmmm.

With Situation, Buck 65 chronicles events in 1957, some leading to the creation of an American underground. For example:

January 3: Hamilton Watch Company releases the first electronic watch

March 1: The Cat in the Hat is published

Kerouac has nothing on Doctahhh Seuss and Wikipedia; Buck 65 Tourdates:

# Sage Francis (release party)

Chin Up Chin Up to Tour: Me To Start Going to the Gym, Beating Up Aaron Carter for Beating Shaq

The time is now, reader baby. Our jeans could maybe get a little slimmer.

Chin Up Chin Up is touring with The Ponys, and I say, before lacing up our fancy kicks, ruffling our enviable hairdos, and high-tailing it to a venue near us:

We exercise.

I’m talking chin-ups. So many chin-ups.

Yes.

Not a joke.

Seriously.

Think back, reader baby. Remember gym class? Chin-ups on the grimy bar all the other 5th graders had gripped with their sweaty and clammy hands so your own (sweaty and clammy hands) would lose grip as your youthful chin pulled on up?

In elementary school, I could hold my chin up on that bar for, like, a good 11.5 seconds.

Now, reader baby sweetheart, I’d be lucky if I had enough upper body strength to:

1. Push a shopping cart into a stack of magazines down Aisle 5 with my oh-so-precious one and only lover, while understanding the difference between Miles and Coltrane, wearing grey sweatpants and no makeup, and being so perfect in the eyes of said lover
2. Give a good-old-fashioned hot n’ sudsy shampoo to Bret Michaels followed by a nimble-fingered French-braid
3. Beat Ananda Lewis in a bitch-slap
4. Grab a chocolate pie off of a windowsill faster than hungy-hungry Raven Simone*
5. Hold myself on a breaking tree branch over a lagoon of Jello made from Steven Tyler’s sweat
6. Balance the small, malnourished kid from Little Giants on my shoulders after the big win
7. Balance Rick Moranis’ character in Little Giants on my shoulders after the big win
8. Balance Rick Moranis’ shrunken-kids on my shoulders after (some yet-to-be identified) Honey, I Shrunk the Kids big win
9. Rub Conor O’s biceps down with IcyHot while suspended from a bungee cord
10. Carry groceries across the street for little old women
11. Save puppies
12. RAISE DA’ ROOF
13. ..

14. Hand dance to “I think We’re Alone Now”
15. Arm wrestle Tiffany “New York” for a shot at a lick-happy make-out sesh with bumptious but loveable softy Chance
16. Slam dunk a b-ball with Aaron Carter and Shaq (as chronicled in “That’s How I Beat Shaq”)
17. Be jacked enough to be invited to “Aaron’s Party”
18. Or break up a fight at Aaron’s Party
19. And respond to the call of duty and alert Aaron that his parents have (OMFG) arrived
20. Oh My God, LIKE WTF, AARON
21. I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING WHY WOULD THEY COME HOME SO EARLY, AC?
22. I thought Nick said he’d cover you
23. Or is he too busy macking that 13-year-old
24. Yeah, he is
25. DIDN’T YOU SAY THAT THEY HAVEN’T SEEN AUNT JANE IN FOREVER
26. GREAT NOW NICK IS LEAVING WITH HOWIE D., SOME BROTHER
27. NOW SHAQ’S GOING TO GET NAILED FOR SUPPLING DA’ DRINK
28. KAZAAM IS KA-OVER
29. THANKS TO YOU, YOU DIRTY FRENEMY
30. I BET YOU DIDN’T EVEN BEAT SHAQ

Obviously, chin-ups would do so much good.

Boom, I put it in the Hoop Like Slam; Chin Up Chin Up Tourdates:

# The Thermals

$ The Ponys

*But to be fair, who could?

Everybody’s doin’ it. The All Tomorrow’s Parties-engineered “Don’t Look Back” concert series has it as its manifesto. Sonic Youth jumped into the fray large-style this year by playing Daydream Nation all over the place. Everyone relives their past glories at some point and everyone comes back in style (usually for a buck or two), so it should come as no surprise that legendary 1960s combo The Zombies will be playing two shows next year in London. I know what you’re thinking: “Yeah. So?” Well, what if I was to tell you that these shows, although ridiculously future-dated, are a two-night residency at Shepherds Bush Empire during which the band will celebrate the 40th anniversary of the release of its masterwork Odessey and Oracle by playing the album in its entirety? Did you just say, “Yeah. So?” You little $#!%s!

Well, I’m sure some octogenarians out there care. According to Colin Blunstone’s site, the band will kowtow to popular demand and give keen trainspotters and fans alike the old “play your album and play it in its entirety in proper running order without any tricks” routine. The band’s members have resisted to scratch that reunion itch up until now, having instead concentrated on their other projects since The Zombies’ heyday (golden-voiced singer Blunstone has enjoyed a long-running solo career and keyboardist Rod Argent had some sporadic success with his self-named band Argent, mostly with the huge hit “Hold Your Head Up”). As for the other Zombies, I’m not sure what they have been up to. Possibly living off the royalties of “Time of the Season,” “Tell Her No,” and “She’s Not There”? No matter. All living Zombies will reunite for two nights to play the classic album as well as other Zombies songs and some solo material.

Zombies dates:
03.07.08 - London, England - Shepherds Bush Empire
03.07.08 - London, England - Shepherds Bush Empire

A group who has already been there/done that as far as the reunion thing goes is Os Mutantes. The Brazilian psychedeli-tropicalista legends will release a double CD and DVD of their back-to-life, back-to-reality performance in London last year on November 13 through Luaka Bop. Here is the Live at Barbican Theatre tracklisting:

Disc 1:

1. Don Quixote
2. Caminhante Noturno
3. Ave Gengis Khan
4. Tecnicolor
5. Virginia
6. Cantor de mambo
7. El Justiciero
8. Baby
9. I'm Sorry Baby
10. Top Top
11. Dia 36

Disc 2:

1. Fuga Nâ II
2. Le Premier Bonheur du Jour
3. Dois Mil e Um
4. Ave Lucifer
5. Balada do Louco
6. I Feel a Little Space Out
7. A Hora e a Vez do Cabelo Nascer
8. A Minha Menina
9. Bat Macumba
10. Panis et Circenses

Sony BMG Exec Makes Bold Predictions On the Future Of Digital Sales

I don't know if you guys have heard or not, but apparently all the kids are downloading music. Totally putting his neck out there, Sony BMG's President of Global Digital Business & U.S. Sales Thomas Hesse was recently quoted as predicting that digital downloading is, get this, growing. Something tells me that seemingly prestigious title is compensating for something. With 30% of the company's sales coming digitally in the U.S. in 2007, predictions find that number growing by as much as 10% in 2008.

Taking his head out of his ass for a minute, Hesse did have some useful in$ight to share, admitting that digital sales are "not enough to make up for the overall decline in sales." Offering a glimmer of hope for anyone with a soul, he also noted the "flattening of growth" in the sale of ringtones, but continued to remark on the potential of ringback tones, citing a big opportunity in "full track downloads to phone." Apparently, it's huge in Korea. Hooray.

With the focus on digital music, though, Hesse -- the little optimist that he is -- called the "glass half full" and with another breakthrough said that the companies must "make access easier, the offerings more compelling and allowing music to be freely shared on social networks." That, allegedly, "is the future." Fascinating. In other news, I hear these folks at Apple have this device brewing... iRod, or something. You heard it here first. Oh, and these dirty rocker kids -- Chronic Youth, I think they're called -- they really have something going for them. Could be huge.