Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks Confirm U.S. Dates, Landing
By Mango Starr on Jan 3 2008
The Jicks (with Stephen Malkmus) have a new album. You knew that already. It's called Real Emotional Trash and is due March 4 on Matador Records. You also knew that Stephen Malkmus was the frontcutie of Pavement and an original member of Silver Jews. BUT, did you know that Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks are friends with Radiohead???
Now that I've got your attention, you should check out new track "Baltimore" (MP3). It's classic Malkmus. And if you listen closely, you might just hear lyrical references to Judy's "What's Up, Baltimore?" article (TMT Article), which in fact is a reference to What's Up Matador. I smell me some conspiracy!
The Jicks are bringing ex-Pavement frontcutie, ex-Silver Jews member, current friend of Radiohead Stephen Malkmus on a tour of the United States this spring. They'll be hitting -- hey... [waves hand in front of your face] are you paying attention, bumpkin?? Hey... HEY!! Remember the "Paranoid Android" video? Okay, good... good. Now keep your eyes opened. Hello? Ah fuck it, you lazy bastard, here are the tourdates, with more expected in April. If you miss any of this, not my fucking fault. Man, you try to write a news story...
Tourdates, with random Radiohead song titles interspersed:
Geffen Announces Happy Round of Holiday Layoffs, Former Employees More Disgruntled Than Clark Griswald
By Nobodaddy on Dec 18 2007
In the hilarious holiday classic National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, lovable loser, Chicago Bears fan, and over-burdened family man Clark Griswald is understandably upset when he learns that his Christmas bonus, upon which he was so unwisely depending to give his family a truly merry Christmas, is being withheld due to budget cutbacks at work.
Hilarity ensues...
In the pilot episode of now-iconic (and now-terrible) "cartoon for adults" The Simpsons, sort-of-lovable loser, donut fan, and under-qualified family man Homer Simpson is understandably upset when he learns that his Christmas bonus, upon which he was so unwisely depending to give his family a truly merry Christmas, is being withheld due to budget cutbacks at work.
Hilarity ensues... AND the family gets a kick-dick dog.
In the heart-breakingly real world of the "everything is super" Record Industry, approximately 15 expendable losers, money fans, and hopefully NOT family men (and women) -- including veteran publicists Jim Merlis and Jycorri Robinson -- were understandably upset when they learned last week that their Christmas bonuses, upon which they have been so unwisely depending to give their families a truly merry Christmas, were being withheld due to the fact that they had just been FIRED from Geffen/Interscope Records in the latest round of "sky is falling" industry layoffs, which included Island Def Jam and Sony BMG earlier this month.
Aaaaaand hilarity ensu... oh wait...
Bummer.
Oh well, thank goodness I still have a job.
...Oh, but P.S. Geffen maintains that, contrary to rumors, they will NOT be closing and that everything is great and that music is awesome. They also want to remind you all that they discovered Wang Chung. Happy Holidays, everyone!!
High On Fire Enjoy Going on Such Long Tours That I Now Have Carpal Tunnel From Typing Out All The Dates
By Liz Louche on Dec 18 2007
High On Fire are set to bring pestilence, scourge, and loads and loads of long-haired dudes in black to a venue near you this winter! Former Sleep guitarist Matt Pike and crew are embarking on an American tour so packed that I am not really looking forward to typing out all the dates. But I will! Because I love you! Now go get me a sandwich.
Just kidding! I'm not really into emotional blackmail. But seriously, get me a sandwich. I've had a hard day of being unemployed, and all I want to do is kick up my feet and talk about heavy metal, so here we go. High On Fire is taking the loudness on the road for a five-week tour so smoking hot it will burn the frost right off the ground. They're touring in support of Death Is This Communion, the band's latest release on Relapse Records. No, I don't want mustard! I hate mustard! Thanks, that's better. Say, you wouldn't mind typing up a few things for me, would you?
The Pogues Announce Tourdates; See Them Before McGowan Dies
By Josh Fenderman on Dec 18 2007
Q Magazine named The Pogues one of the top 50 bands to see before you die in 2001. You will outlive Shane McGowan. So, really, The Pogues are one of the top 50 bands to see before he dies. His teeth were rotting out of his head when he was 20 and are completely gone now. His liver has filtered an ocean of alcohol. I've never seen him without a cigarette in his hand. He sounds like he starts every day by gargling cinder blocks. He's always a half step away from falling over. And he's written some of the best Irish songs, and some of the best songs, ever.
Perhaps the ugliest man in music (he makes Tom Petty look like Matt Damon), McGowan left the band in 1991. But since reuniting with The Pogues in 2001, the group has garnered critical praise for its live sets. They are apparently at the top of their game, and this March, the Irish group will have a chance to prove it with a handful of dates on the East Coast, as well as a two-night stand at the Riviera Theatre in Chicago.
Catch them while you can, because a celebrity death pool list is not complete without McGowan.
