In accordance with the spirit of the free "77 Drummers" performance going on in Brooklyn on 07.07.07, along with the addition of a smattering of shows surrounding that date, we at TMT would like to highlight the 77 things in life that are more important (only slightly) than seeing Boredoms in concert at least once.
Seeing Boredoms in concert is only marginally less important than getting your doctorate, paying child support, returning mail to the post office that wasn't addressed to you, keeping a healthy diet, brushing your teeth after every meal, getting your cavities filled, seeing a doctor about your heart palpitations, running away from a group of skinheads holding guns, balancing your checkbook, saying you're sorry for euthanizing your friend's dog, letting your cat out of the cold garage, buying a return ticket for your trip to Oslo, keeping your social security number out of the hands of your convict ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, rearranging all your books in alphabetical order by genre, throwing out the trash to make the fruit flies in your kitchen travel elsewhere, keeping your margins justified when writing term papers on Edmund Burke, thinking of a good word that rhymes with zeitgeist, force-feeding a loved one Fig Newtons to keep them from telling you something important, watching the airline stewardess pretend to blow into the orange tubes in her floatation device, and printing your own money just to have a heaping pile of benjamins resting on the floor next to your bed.
As you can see, there aren't many events more important than seeing Boredoms. The only things more important to spend your money on are swing sets, saltwater taffy, charred laptop hard drives, not-overly-spotted-brown bananas, porkchops, swimming pools filled with foam squares, two-liter bottles filled with water that form tornados when swirled, functional Snoopy-shaped light switches, love letters written on bamboo paper, preschool macaroni art, expensive Super Nintendo cleaning kits, ripped book dust jackets, fuzzy hanging dice in cars, bellybutton lint of various colors, sweaty slices of cheddar cheese, computers that sing "Daisy Bell," the complete works of John Stuart Mill, waterlogged vacuum cleaners, hand-buzzers, and unintelligible vanity license plates.
Boredoms are important people, let's not forget. So important, in fact, that the only people more important to meet on Earth are Marc Bolan, Joseph Stalin, Ivan Turgenev, Baby Huey, Bo Jackson, Dave Thomas, McGee (of McGee and Me fame), Artie (strongest man in the world), Scott Stapp, Djuna Barnes, Heathcliff, Valentina Tereshkova (first woman in space), Lucille Bogan, James M. Kilts (CEO of Gillette), Matt Weir, Gustave Flaubert, ? (of ? and the Mysterians fame), Laurence Fishburne, Charles Mingus, Shrek, Mobb Deep, Grimace, Bo Jackson (this time playing a different sport), Werner Herzog, Klaus Kinski, Rodion Raskolnikov, Tipper Gore, Chris Benoit, Randy Newman, Boba Fett, Michael Ian Black, Aristotle, James Naismith, Bud Cort, Crazy Frog, Leslie Keffer, and your own mother.
Setting aside these trifling 77 instances, seeing Boredoms in concert is the most important thing you can do. Ever.