Someone named Calvin Johnson goes on a solo fall tour, as yet unclear which Calvin Johnson it is exactly

Someone named Calvin Johnson goes on a solo fall tour, as yet unclear which Calvin Johnson it is exactly

Calvin Johnson is going on a solo tour this fall! Which Calvin Johnson, you ask? I have no idea! I was actually hoping you could help me out with that. Okay, so I googled “Calvin Johnson,” and I’ve come up with two possibilities. It’s either Calvin Johnson, Jr., the wide receiver for the Detroit Lions, nicknamed Megatron, who is capable of running the 40 yard dash in 4.32 seconds, or Calvin Johnson, musician, for whom there is no extant 40 yard dash data. Apparently this musician Calvin Johnson also started K Records, as well as a bunch of bands like Beat Happening and The Halo Benders. He also keeps his garage clean as a whistle and engineers musical recordings for other bands; what a guy!

Context clues (the press release originated from K Records) do seem to indicate it’s probably the musician Calvin Johnson who is going on tour. But I’ve learned not to trust context clues. For several years, context clues tricked me into thinking the word “lugubrious” meant something very different from what it actually means.

Anyway, another point in favor of it probably being Calvin Johnson the musician going on tour is the fact that I do know musicians like to tour a lot. Like, it’s a thing they do pretty frequently, apparently. Not so much for football players, as far as I can tell. But then again, maybe Megatron née Johnson wants to see what a “football tour” would be like and is hoping to promote his touchdowns and muscles. I really can’t say. If you’re in the mood for some sleuthing, look below for the recently released video of The Hive Dwellers track “A Woman Named Trudy” off last year’s Hewn from the Wilderness (TMT Review). Since the video features a white dude summarily not playing football, I’m ever-so-slightly leaning toward saying it’s a musical Calvin Johnson tour, but honestly, your guess is as good as mine.

Dates:

09.05.13 - Madison, WI - Thorps
09.06.13 - Chicago, IL - Big Forever
09.07.13 - Iowa City, IA - PS-Z
09.08.13 - St. Louis, MO - Apop Records @
09.09.13 - Carbondale, IL - Big Muddy Independent Media Center #
09.10.13 - Evansville, IN - PG
09.11.13 - Bloomington, IN - Landlocked Music
09.11.13 - Indianapolis, IN - General Public Collective $
09.12.13 - Oberlin, OH - Cat in the Cream Coffee House, Oberlin College
09.13.13 - Columbus, OH - Double Happiness
09.14.13 - Canton, OH - Deli Ohio
09.15.13 - York, PA - Sign of the Wagon %
09.16.13 - New York, NY - WBAR at Barnard College
09.17.13 - Purchase, NY - Whitson’s Memorial Hall, State University of New York, Purchase
09.18.13 - Cambridge, MA - TBA
09.21.13 - Providence, RI - TBA
09.22.13 - Baltimore, MD - Floristree ^
09.23.13 - Durham, NC - Cromwell Hall, Duke Coffee House
09.24.13 - Winston-Salem, NC - Krankie’s Coffee
09.25.13 - Frederick, MD - Trinity Chapel &
09.28.13 - Kansas City, MO - Front Space *
09.30.13 - Bakersfield, CA - Dagny’s Café
10.01.13 - Merced, CA - 522 Sunset Dr
10.02.13 - Santa Cruz, CA - Crepe Place @@
10.03.13 - San Francisco, CA - Cinecave, Lost Weekend Video
10.05.13 - Oakland, CA - Down at Lulu’s
10.06.13 - Chico, CA - Manas Gallery ##
10.07.13 - Eugene, OR - Wandering Goat Coffee Company $$

@ Raglani, Jake Leech
# Secondary Modern
$ Chris Barth, Jimmy Frezza
% Ronn Benway, The Thing with Two Heads
^ Wume, Daniel Clark
& Ballerine Nadiya
* Jametatone
@@ The Wild Ones, Fruit Stripe Band, Powers
## Fera, She Fetus
$$ Earring

• Calvin Johnson, musician: http://krecs.com/artists/calvin-johnson
• Calvin Johnson a.k.a. Megatron, athlete: https://twitter.com/Bigplaycj
• K: http://krecs.com

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