Here’s a question for you: why did the Chinese government ban Oasis’ dates in Shanghai and Beijing in April?

A. Because Noel Gallagher played at a “Free Tibet” concert in the United States in 1997.

B. The Chinese President, Hu Jintao, thinks Noel is a douche.

C. The Chinese promoter ran out of money.

D. At a high-level meeting of the Chinese Communist Party, it was decided that they couldn’t possibly allow a band to play in their country, whose most recent album only received a 4.9 from Pitchfork.

If you answered A and/or C, then you are correct (although B would be perfectly understandable and D merely proof of Pitchfork’s diabolical plan for global domination over, err, music critique).

The reasons for the cancellation of Oasis’ gigs are mysterious to say the least. At first, it appeared the Chinese government was pissed off at Noel’s appearance at a “Free Tibet” event on Randall’s Island in New York in 1997. This led to an equally pissed off Oasis, who argued in a statement that “the licensing and immigration process for the two shows had been fully and successfully complied with well before the shows went on sale.”

The next day, however, a promoter from Beijing All Culture Communication Co Ltd telephoned Reuters to say the gigs were cancelled because of the “tough economic situation.” This was backed up by the Chinese Foreign Ministry -- although spokesman Qin Gang said the government was still investigating.

Nevertheless, it seems quite clear the Chinese government is up to its old tricks again. Oasis claim their promoter is Ticketmaster China and “the shows had each already sold in excess of 3,500 tickets and were on course to sell out.” Which doesn’t correspond with the Beijing All Culture Communication Co Ltd promoter’s version of events (apparently, this event company usually “promotes more ballet and traditional Chinese concerts than rock concerts”…).

Despite the Chinese spin and fairly pathetic attempts to save face, I can’t help but think the government has done its citizens a massive favor here. Oasis haven’t been good in over 10 years; the last thing the Chinese need are a bunch of obnoxious, loud-mouthed Brits playing crappy music on their home soil. Now we just need Obama to follow this excellent example and ban Coldplay’s U.S. tour in July!
03.18.09 - Nagoya, Japan - Nihon Gaishi Hall
03.20.09 - Tokyo, Japan - Makuhari Messe Hall 8
03.22.09 - Sapporo, Japan - Makomanai Ice Arena
03.24.09 - Osaka, Japan - Intex Osaka
03.25.09 - Osaka, Japan - Intex Osaka
03.28.09 - Tokyo, Japan - Makhuari Messe Hall 9
03.29.09 - Tokyo, Japan - Makuhari Messe Hall 9
04.01.09 - Seoul, South Korea - Olympic Gym 1

04.03.09 - Beijing, China - Beijing Capital Arena
04.05.09 - Shanghai, China - Shanghai Grand Stage

04.07.09 - Hong Kong, China - AsiaWorld Arena
04.10.09 - Johannesburg, South Africa - Newmarket Racecourse
04.13.09 - Cape Town, South Africa - Cape Town Ostrich Farm
06.04.09 - Manchester, England - Heaton Park
06.06.09 - Manchester, England - Heaton Park
06.07.09 - Manchester, England - Heaton Park
06.10.09 - Sunderland, England - Stadium of Light
06.12.09 - Cardiff, Wales - Millennium Stadium
06.17.09 - Edinburgh, Scotland - Murrayfield
06.20.09 - Slane, Ireland - Slane Castle
07.02.09 - Werchter, Belgium - Rock Werchter Festival
07.03.09 - Roskilde, Denmark - Roskilde Festival
07.09.09 - London, England - Wembley Stadium
07.11.09 - London, England - Wembley Stadium
07.12.09 - London, England - Wembley Stadium
07.14.09 - Cornwall, England - Eden Project
07.16.09 - Castellón, Spain - Benicàssim Festival
07.19.09 - Gräfenhainichen, Germany - Melt Festival
08.22.09 - Staffordshire, England - V Festival
08.23.09 - Chelmsford, England - V Festival

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