Congressman Discusses Merits Of Girl Talk And His Thieving, Amoral Ways

U.S. Congressman Mike Doyle (D-PA) recently shimmied into Congress in the middle of a hearing on The Future Of Radio, sporting a torn pair of Diesel jeans and a homemade Bloc Party t-shirt, and took no time cutting off Oldie McDecrepit (R-IL) in the middle of his sentence to say, "I want to tell a little story about a local guy done good." Congressman McDecrepit was taken aback and grabbed his overhead transparency on cassette swapping and murmured, "Now what's all this about, you old poop?"

Doyle swung his right leg up onto a boombox, lit a joint, and blew it in the face of Grandpa J. Victrola (R-FL). He went on. "His name is Gregg Gillis, and by day he's a biomedical engineer in Pittsburgh. At night, he DJs under the name Girl Talk. His latest mashup record Night Ripper ([TMT Review)] made the top of 2006 lists from Rolling Stone, Pitchfork, and Spin Magazine."

"I'll give you something to spin, sonny," moaned Dopey Hatemusic (R-WA) as he grabbed his cane and threw it a few inches in front of him. Everyone paused to watch it clatter to the floor and rest on Doyle's foot, and minutes later, Hatemusic let out his final death rattle. Doyle started a noise zine in his honor later that day, but for now, he continued. He spoke of a common zip code between he and Gregg Gillis and how that wasn't the only thing they shared. "I hope that everyone involved will take a step back," he crooned, "and ask themselves if mash-ups and mix tapes are really different, or if it's the same as Paul McCartney admitting he nicked a Chuck Berry bass riff and used it on the Beatles hit ‘I Saw Her Standing There.' " Congresswoman Pleasure F. Hater (R-MO) pressed the button on her speaking machine, which let out a puff of smoke and said, "I love Chuck Berry!"

Doyle finished off his speech by declaring the kind of music Girl Talk makes as a "transformative new art that expands the listener's experience," to which all the other congressmen threw their hands up and went back to their lawn chairs to yell at small shadows they think might be children.

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* w/ Neutral Milk Hotel