Crooked Fingers tour the US; Eric Bachmann’s beard slotted to open every show

Crooked Fingers tour the US; Eric Bachmann's beard slotted to open every show

As I look upon the encroaching fields of kudzu, I’m reminded of only one thing: Eric Bachmann’s beard. Try as you might, you cannot stop Bachmann’s beard from spreading across America. As the reunited Archers of Loaf have been touring consistently, those looking to relive the glory days of the 1990s have witnessed the glorious beard in action. But what of those who find favor with Bachmann’s more recent project, Crooked Fingers? Fear not: Crooked Fingers are going on tour as well. Bachmann’s beard shall prove more necessary than ever, as Crooked Fingers plan to tour the US through the frosty autumn months. You know what goes well with a good beard in the winter? I’ll tell you. A nice scarf.

Shortly before the Crooked Fingers tour truly kicks off, Bachmann will release Breaks in the Armor, his sixth album under the name, through Merge. If past Crooked Fingers albums are any indication, this one will be melancholic and lovely. Much like a good beard. Surely, you are familiar with a good beard’s tangle of melancholy.

Crooked Fingers dates:

09.07.11 - Portland, OR - Music Fest NW
10.15.11 - Carrboro, NC - Cat’s Cradle
10.27.11 - Asheville, NC - Grey Eagle
10.28.11 - Knoxville, TN - Pilot Light
10.29.11 - Charlotte, NC - The Evening Muse
11.01.11 - Washingtond, DC - IOTA
11.02.11 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda’s
11.03.11 - Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell’s
11.04.11 - New York, NY - Mercury Lounge
11.06.11 - Boston, MA - TT the Bear’s
11.07.11 - Montreal, QC - Casa Del Popolo
11.08.11 - Toronto, ON - Drake
11.09.11 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick
11.11.11 - Chicago, IL - Schuba’s
11.12.11 - Milwaukee, WI - Cactus Club
11.13.11 - Minneapolis, MN - Triple Rock Social Club
11.14.11 - Omaha, NE - Waiting Room
11.15.11 - Denver, CO - Larimer Lounge
11.23.11 - San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill
11.25.11 - Los Angeles, CA - The Echo
11.26.11 - San Diego, CA - Casbah
12.01.11 - Austin, TX - Mohawk
12.02.11 - Houston, TX - Fitzgerald’s Downstairs

• Crooked Fingers:
• Merge:

Sony warehouse fire being investigated as possible organized robbery

As if the original story weren’t painful enough, it is now surfacing that the blaze that destroyed the Sony/PIAS DADC distribution center during last month’s London riots may not have been a merely random result of violence in the city, but rather an organized attack.

According to The Telegraph, emerging evidence shows that a professional gang may have specifically targeted the warehouse and used looting and burning as a way to cover up their work. Sources say that thieves employed special cutting equipment and spent two hours taking apart a high-security fence before breaking into the building — which contained the complete inventory of PIAS, the largest distributor of independent labels in the UK. An already overwhelmed security force could not fend off the robbers, and witnesses have reported seeing crowds of young people raiding the building and carrying off stock. The fire reportedly began after the looters had left the scene, and inventory previously assumed burned may have been stolen and could reach the black market.

Several arrests have been made, but Metropolitan Police are not commenting on the investigation.

Check out our previous news story for ways to help out the nearly 200 labels (which include Matador, Ninja Tune, and Thrill Jockey) affected by the fire.

Smith Westerns tour their asses off this fall. Wait, shouldn’t they be in school!?!?

I like to imagine those 17-year-old-looking dudes in Smith Westerns as a modern-day pack of Ferris Buellers, cockily touring around North America this fall and evading their L7-weenie of a principal as they charm the continent with their boyish charms, 1980s confidence, and leopard print man-vests. Or maybe they’re more like The Beatles circa Hard Day’s Night, ruffling the entertainment establishment with their shaggy appearances and endearing themselves to millions for lovably treating their tag-along grandfathers like shit. Ah, to be young and in charge. Suck it, grandpa!

But the cold, hard reality is that, for all of their success with this year’s Dye It Blonde (TMT Review), the dudes in Smith Westerns are still paying their dues and playing second banana to dated old codgers like TV on the Radio, Arctic Monkeys, and — worst of all — that curmudgeonly old Panda Bear (shudder…). Okay, so maybe there’s only one date with Panda on the books… but still, those dudes in Arctic Monkeys are total stuffed-shirts, and starting next week in L.A., those kids in Smith Westerns are going to have to deal with lead singer Alex Turner’s stubborn, London-bred contempt for long hair and youth culture for the next month and a half. Man, I hear that dude can be such an uptight a-hole! He’s all like, “I travel on this train regularly! Twice a week!” And Smith Westerns are all like, “dude, what train???”


09.03.11 - Los Angeles, CA - FYF Fest
09.13.11 - Norman, OK - Opolis %
09.14.11 - Dallas, TX - Club Dada
09.16.11 - Austin, TX - Austin City Limits Festival
09.16.11 - Austin, TX - The Parish (ACL After Party) +
09.21.11 - Las Vegas, NV - The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas
09.22.11 - Las Vegas, NV - The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas
09.23.11 - Las Vegas, NV - The Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas @*
09.24.11 - San Diego, CA - SDSU Open Air Theatre @*
09.25.11 - Los Angeles, CA - Hollywood Bowl @*#$
09.28.11 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Orpheum Theatre *
09.29.11 - Calgary, Alberta - MacEwan Hall Ballroom *
09.30.11 - Saskatoon, Saskatchewan - The Odeon *
10.01.11 - Winnipeg, Manitoba - Burton Cummings Theatre *
10.03.11 - Indianapolis, IN - Egyptian Room *
10.04.11 - St. Louis, MO - The Pageant *
10.05.11 - Nashville, TN - War Memorial Auditorium *
10.07.11 - Orlando, FL - Hard Rock Live *
10.08.11 - Sunrise, FL - Langerado Festival
10.09.11 - Tampa, FL - The Ritz *
10.11.11 - Atlanta, GA - The Tabernacle *
10.12.11 - Raleigh, NC - Disco Rodeo *
10.14.11 - Atlantic City, NJ - House of Blues @ Showboat Atlantic City *
10.15.11 - Baltimore, MD - Rams Head Live *
10.16.11 - Columbus, OH - The LC Pavilion *
10.18.11 - Pittsburgh, PA - Stage AE *

* Arctic Monkeys
@ TV on the Radio
# Panda Bear
$ Warpaint
% Evangelicals
+ Cults

• Smith Westerns:
• Fat Possum:

Tom Jones cries while praying every night of three-month tour, cancels final date due to extreme dehydration

Iconic singer and sideburn aficionado Sir Thomas John Woodward, known to the public as Tom Jones, was admitted to a Monaco hospital late Saturday, forcing him to miss the final date of his recent “Praise and Blame” tour. Jones, now 71, appears to be in the midst of a phase of repentance, indicated at the very least by the track choices on his 2010 record of the same name (Praise and Blame, not “Tom Jones”). Will the wounded knight be forced to repent for missing his repentance, throwing him into a never-ending repentance cycle? Sources close to Jones say “definitely”.

Jones denied early reports by sneaky members of the British press that he had suffered some form of heart episode, instead attributing his Princess Grace Hospital visit to dehydration. “There are no heart problems,” he declared, in a statement on his official website. “Only a fool breaks his own heart…” he elaborated, decades earlier.

• Tom Jones:

Unknown Mortal Orchestra proves that they’re the hardest working slacker band in showbiz with a string of fall headlines

Get ready to slip on your flip-flops, don your Ray-Bans, and totally “chill-out, max, and relax all cool” to the minimal 60s pop of Unknown Mortal Orchestra, who have announced a slew of extra fall headlining dates. The band already has quite a busy schedule on their hands after riding a wave of accelerating buzz this year. They’re fronted by New Zealand native Ruban Nielson (of Mint Chicks fame), and their eponymous debut album was released on Fat Possum earlier this year (it’s quite good; you can check out the track “How Can U Luv Me” at the Chocolate Grinder). It seems to have already plunged them into a realm of indie micro-fame, with the band playing their first show alongside Smith Westerns and nabbing slots on several music festival rosters.

Below, you can check out their upcoming tourdates, and if you’re feeling lethargic you can also view their feature on, where the band performs and gives an exclusive interview.


08.31.11 - Los Angeles, CA - Origami Vinyl 7pm
09.08.11 - Portland, OR - Hawthorne Theater / MFNW %
09.09.11 - Athens, GA - 40 Watt Club #
09.10.11 - Raleigh, NC - Hopscotch Music Festival $
09.11.11 - Washington, DC - Black Cat #
09.12.11 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church #
09.14.11 - New York, NY - Webster Hall #
09.15.11 - Brooklyn, NY - Glasslands Gallery +
09.16.11 - Boston, MA - Paradise Rock Club #
09.17.11 - Montreal, QC - Cabaret Mile End #
09.18.11 - Toronto, ON - Opera House #
09.19.11 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theatre #
09.20.11 - Bloomington, IN - The Bishop #
09.21.11 - Grinnell, IA - Grinnel College Gardner Lounge
09.22.11 - Urbana, IL - Pygmalion #
09.23.11 - Cincinnati, OH - Midpoint Music Festival #
09.24.11 - Chicago, IL - Lincoln Hall #
09.25.11 - Minneapolis, MN - Triple Rock #
09.26.11 - Fargo, ND - The Aquarium (Dempseys Upstairs)
09.28.11 - Seattle, WA - The Crocodile #
09.29.11 - Vancouver, BC - Venue #
09.30.11 - Portland, OR - Branx #
10.01.11 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall #
10.02.11 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall #
10.03.11 - Los Angeles, CA - El Rey Theatre #
10.04.11 - Phoenix, AZ - Crescent Ballroom
10.05.11 - Tucson, AZ - Club Congress
10.06.11 - El Paso, TX - Lowbrow Palace #
10.07.11 - Dallas, TX - Club Dada #
10.08.11 - Austin, TX - The Mohawk #
10.09.11 - Houston, TX - Fitzgerald’s #
10.10.11 - New Orleans, LA - One Eyed Jack’s #
10.11.11 - Tallahassee, FL - Club Downunder #
10.12.11 - Mobile, AL - Alabama Music Box
10.13.11 - Birmingham, AL - Bottletree #
10.14.11 - Atlanta, GA - The Masquerade #
10.15.11 - Columbia, SC - New Brookland Tavern #
10.16.11 - Asheville, NC - The Grey Eagle
10.17.11 - Winston-Salem, NC - The Werehouse
10.18.11 - Richmond, VA - Strange Matter
10.19.11 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda’s
10.25.11 - Buffalo, NY - Mohawk Place
10.28.11 - Columbia, MO - University of Missouri
10.29.11 - St. Louis, MO - Billiken Club
10.30.11 - Kansas City, MO - Recordbar
10.31.11 - Dever, CO - Larimer Lounge
11.05.11 - Santa Cruz, CA - 418 Project
11.06.11 - San Diego, CA - Casbah
11.07.11 - Oakland, CA - The New Parish

# Toro Y Moi
% Little Dragon
$ Times New Viking
+ Woven Bones, Blouse, Man/Miracle

• Unknown Mortal Orchestra:
• Fat Possum:

The Jesus and Mary Chain to reissue six albums as deluxe 2-CD/DVD sets; buy now and instantly become super fan

I hope all you TheJandMC fans have disposable income because, knowing you, you’ll be buying every one of the soon-to-be-released Deluxe Reissue 2xCD/DVD sets that were announced… right now(ish)!

That’s right, music lovers! You thought that the Jesus and Mary Chain reissues released in 2006 were going to be the “Absolutely, Positively, Never-Have-To-Buy-Them-Again Definitive Versions,” but boy were you wrong. Because, as exclusively announced by me above, The Jesus and Mary Chain will reissue all six of their albums as “Better Than Last Time” versions that include B-sides, rarities, demos, a Jesus chain, a Mary chain, radio appearances, eyeliner, psychotic candy, lacy stockings, frizzed-up hair, a dog, your mother, a personal AM/FM radio, multi-page photo-illustrated booklets, two CDs, one DVD, and plenty of stuff that you’ve already listened to. And if that’s not enough to sweeten the deal: they cost a bunch of money that you don’t have!

So, make Demon Music Group (who are doing the reissuing) happy and spend your money on extravagant CDs on the following days:

- September 19 (my birthday): Psychocandy and Darklands
- September 26 (not my birthday): Automatic and Honey’s Dead
- October 2: Stoned and Dethroned and Munki

• Demon Music Group: