‘Cuz We’re So Pure, The Thermals Go On Tour

Attention fans of sarcasm-laced, quasi-concept albums about the Christianity overload in the USA: have you heard the new LP by Portland, OR's The Thermals? You should check it out; it is called The Body, The Blood, The Machine (Sub Pop), and it probably would be right up your alley. If you like catchy punk not made for, or marketed only to, 14-year-olds, which may be better than at least 95% of all modern punk, you should give the album a listen as well. Both of the above demos (or maybe just everyone, not to be exclusive) should also go see the band live. Starting Saturday, the band will be beginning a six-week tour of this land of Bush, Cheney, Rove, & Rumsfeld (there were four horsemen in that story, right?).

Many of the dates see the band opening for Cursive, who are supporting their latest (like you care), Happy Hollow, released just a few weeks ago on Saddle Creek. (Note to the reader: the next sentence is to be read by you in a Mike Myers-circa-Axe Murderer voice.) Speaking of being marketed only to 14-year-olds, hello!!! (You were supposed to do the impression in your head, not aloud. Now people are going to think you are, culturally speaking, stuck in the '90s. Might as well put on some flannel, lace up those Doc's, and pull out Badmotorfinger; you are gong to be thought of forever as "'90s Guy.") Other bands playing those C-Money shows will be Chin Up Chin Up, Ladyfinger, The Detachment Kit, and Easter Youth. Those of you in Kansas, Texas, and Oklahoma luck out, as you get The Thermals all to yourself, sans-Cursive. Maybe God does exist.


09.16.06 - Portland, OR - Wonder Ballroom
09.22.06 - Fargo, ND - Playmakers Pavilion @
09.23.06 - Minneapolis, MN - First Avenue *
09.24.06 - Milwaukee, WI - Pabst Theater *
09.25.06 - Chicago, IL - Metro *
09.26.06 - Detroit, MI - Majestic Theater *
09.27.06 - Cleveland, OH - House of Blues *
09.28.06 - Buffalo, NY - The Icon *
09.29.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Starlight Ballroom *
10.01.06 - New York, NY - Webster Hall *
10.03.06 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club %
10.04.06 - Pittsburg, PA - Club Zoo %
10.05.06 - Newport, KY - Southgate House %
10.06.06 - Nashville, TN - City Hall %
10.07.06 - St. Louis, MO - Mississippi Nights %
10.08.06 - Lawrence, KS - Granada
10.10.06 - Houston, TX - Proletariat
10.11.06 - Denton, TX - Hailey's
10.12.06 - Austin, TX - Emo's
10.13.06 - Norman, OK - Opolis Production
10.15.06 - Denver, CO - Ogden Theatre &
10.17.06 - Salt Lake City, UT - In the Venue &
10.18.06 - Boise, ID - The Venue &
10.20.06 - Seattle, WA - Neumo's &
10.21.06 - Portland, OR - Roseland Ballroom &
10.23.06 - San Francisco, CA - Fillmore #
10.25.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour #
10.26.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Avalon #
10.27.06 - San Diego, CA - House of Blues #
10.28.06 - Pomona, CA - Glass House #
10.29.06 - Las Vegas, NV - House of Blues #
11.02.06 - New York, NY- Bowery Ballroom $ (Sub Pop CMJ showcase)

@ w/ Cursive
* w/ Cursive, Ladyfinger
% w/ Cursive, The Detachment Kit
& w/ Cursive, Chin Up Chin Up
# w/ Cursive, Eastern Youth
$ w/ The Shins, CSS, The Album Leaf, Oxford Collapse, The Elected, Loney, Dear

Portastatic Too Busy Livin’ To Be Still

Meh. Another day, another reason to spend it in bed. Everyday I sit doing nothing while modern-day da Vincis run around creating wonders like the Pizza Pocket and the Segway, and I just think, "What's the use?"

Sorry about the negative vibes, folks. Why the talk about creative workaholics and mournful self-reflection, you ask? Well, indie rock's most prolific and consistent inventor, Mac McCaughan, is at it again, and that always sends me into a spiral of self-doubt and uselessness. In the time it's taken me to decide on a new font for my résumé, McCaughan has padded his own with Portastatic, by releasing the excellent Bright Ideas full-length, the Who Loves the Sun soundtrack, and is now poised to head out on tour and put out yet another studio album called Be Still Please.

The Merge Records head honcho, Superchunk leader, and original Gerber baby (probably) will take his "other band" on the road for some hot live action next week. Until a string of headlining shows towards the ass end of the tour, Portastatic will play with M. Ward, Lambchop, and a brief respite north into New France at the Pop Montréal Festival.

09.18.06 - Charlottesville, VA - Satellite Ballroom *
09.19.06 - Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle #
09.20.06 - Nashville, TN - The Belcourt Theatre *
09.22.06 - Hailey's *
09.23.06 - Austin, TX - The Parish Room *
10.05.06 - Montréal, Quebec - La Sala Rossa %
10.11.06 - Philadelphia, PA - North Star Bar
10.12.06 - Allston, MA - Great Scott
10.13.06 - New York, NY - Mercury Lounge
10.14.06 - Hoboken, NJ - Maxwell's
10.15.06 - New Haven, CT - Bar Nightclub
10.18.06 - Washington, DC - Black Cat (Backstage)
10.19.06 - Durham, NC - Duke Coffeehouse
10.20.06 - Mt. Pleasant, SC - Village Tavern
10.21.06 - Athens, GA - The Earl

* w/ M. Ward
# w/ M. Ward & Lambchop
% Pop Montréal Festival

Ah! There's the catch — Be Still Please only has nine songs on it! Nine? That's how McCaughan does it! He's human after all! That's like, one-third of a Foo Fighters album and a quarter of a Red Hot Chili Peppers release! About a thousand times better than both though...

An internet-only EP is out now and includes two versions of album opener "Sour Shores" plus "Portraits From Before the War" and a cover of Hot Chip's "And I Was a Boy From School." Be Still Please is out October 10 and has these nine, pffft, tracks on it:

1 Sour Shores
2 Black Buttons
3 I'm in Love (with Arthur Dove)
4 Sweetness and Light
5 Getting Saved
6 You Blanks
7 Like a Pear
8 Cheers and Applause
9 Song for a Clock

Major Labels Receive Sorely Needed Compensation From Lost Revenue Caused by eDonkey, New Papa Roach Out Now

The unfortunately named eDonkey was the latest peer-to-peer service to receive a fisting from the RIAA. But damn those suits and their magical latex gloves; every time they pull out their arms, it's covered in Benjamins. The two shmucks in diapers, Sam Yagen and Jed McCaleb, got 30 million dollar enemas from Mistress, and all she could say was, "another domino falls." How ominous. When you name your company after the whipping post of the animal world, you are bound to get a lashing, I guess.

But this hole thing is for nothing but kinky kicks. There will always be a way to get free shit. Whether it's really getting your elbow dirty, Youtube'n, torrents, or the Hype Machine, new technology will continue to be made available. Better than it was before.

Better. Stronger. Faster.

Lee Majors can do what he wants to stop it, but what he has to realize is that even though you've shut down yet another P2P service with your bionic arm and $6 million bank roll, creativity always works faster than the courts. And I still have hundreds of gigs worth of music that I did not pay for. I don't know what to download right now, though. The choices are so broad that I can barely focus on one thing. What are you downloading?

John Milton: Who me?

Mr. Pants: Yeah, what should I download? Is anything coming out this week?

John Milton: If steep, with torrent rapture, if through Plaine,

Soft-ebbing; nor withstood them Rock or Hill,

But they, or underground, or circuit wide

(lines 299-301 from Paradise Lost: Book VII)

Mr. Pants: Dude! Send me the link.

John Milton: Done! Wait 'til you hear W.A.Y.U.H. You'll bust a nizzut. -Mr. Pants

Andrew Bird: Avian Philanthropist

Criminally talented violinist, whistler, crooner and Squirrel Nut Zipper Andrew 'The Bird' Bird, as you well know, is one of the finest musicians to grace the world - possibly the universe. We all went cuckoo over his sixth full-length albumen, the wondrous Mysterious Production of Eggs [TMT Review], but now he's announced an abrupt change of direction, eschewing attempts to rule the roost of wistful, acoustic, jazzy musings.

Bird has opened an owl sanctuary to combat the so-called 'surname surlies' who have mercilessly subjected him to years of senseless abuse, based merely on his aviary-inspired moniker. This month, he embarks on a tour of the West Coast (with the San Fran date already sold out) to give a series of speeches and lectures marking the inauguration of the sanctuary.

In addition, Bird will be releasing an album early next year, showcasing the whistles and coos of his namesakes in the sanctuary. The album will be known as Armchair Apocrypha, due to Bird's penchant for sitting up at night in the sanctuary, keeping the owls company.

We at TMT would urge you to attend these essential meetings if at all possible. It is one of the most heart-rending and touching sights in the independent American music scene to see an artist so selflessly reach out to our buddies in the sky.

09.16.2006 - Denver, CO - Bluebird Theater*
09.17.2006 - Salt Lake City, UT - In the Venue (Club Sound)*
09.19.2006 - Tucson, AZ - Rialto Theater*
09.20.2006 - San Diego, CA - Belly Up Tavern*
09.21.2006 - Los Angeles, CA - Henry Fonda Theatre*
09.22.2006 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall*
09.26.2006 - Eugene, OR - Wow Hall Community Center*
09.27.2006 - Portland, OR - Aladdin Theater*
09.28.2006 - Seattle, WA - Chop Suey*
09.29.2006 - Vancouver, BC - Media Club*
09.30.2006 - Bellingham, WA - The Nightlight*

* Accompanied by Dosh, supported by Cass McCombs

+ / - Prep New Album, Inspire Obnoxious List; In The Future I Look Forward To Reporting On Up-And-Coming Bands Compare/Contrast and Venn Diagram

Precise, pressurized, prism-pop purveyors + / - (I totally just won in cattergories) are getting ready to release a proper follow-up to their 2003 LP You Are Here, an album so good it's rumored to have been responsible for a recent string of power outages, as well as the ritual murders of at least three teenagers in Spokane, WA. Still not satisfied, the gore-drenched band also plans to switch things up with a new label, followed by a scattershot fall tour.

Now, all these + / - announcements dumped in our laps on the same day might lead one to believe that the band were a bit rash in their decision-making. Luckily, there is still some time left before the album's release, so today I'd like to present a short list of things the band might not have considered when making their plans, things that might have looked positive at first glance, but in the end are unalterably negative. Take heed:

[+] Critical praise upon release of new album on October 24, entitled Let's Build a Fire.

[-] Legal battle over plagiarism with publishers of Official Boy Scout Handbook.

[+] Newfound respect after signing to Absolutely Kosher, home of Frog Eyes, The Dead Science, and Sunset Rubdown.

[-] Newfound embarrassment after parents discover Absolutely Kosher also home of Goblin Cock.

[+] Instantly increased fanbase due to awe-inspiring tracklist.

[-] Not really:

1. Let's Build A Fire
2. Fadeout
3. Steal the Blueprints
4. The Important Thing Is To Love
5. Thrown Into the Fire
6. Summer Dress 2 [Iodine]
7. Ignoring All the Detours
8. Profession
9. One Day You'll Be There
10. This Is All I Have Left
11. Leap Year
12. Time and Space
13. For You

[+] Memorable experiences from successful U.S. tour:

10.27.06 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church +
10.28.06 + Washington, DC - Black Cat -
11.08.06 - Birmingham, AL - Bottle Tree
11.10.06 + Denton, TX - Hailey's
11.11.06 - Austin, TX - Austin Music Hall
11.14.06 + Phoenix, AZ - Modified Arts
11.15.06 - Tucson, AZ - Plush
11.17.06 + San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill
11.20.06 - Portland, OR - Towne Lounge
11.21.06 + Seattle, WA - Crocodile
11.25.06 - Chicago, IL - Schubas
11.26.06 + Grand Rapids, MI - Intersection
11.29.06 - Toronto, ON - Sneaky Dees
11.30.06 + Montreal, QC - Casa Del Popolo

+ / - with the Wrens

[-] Memorable experience from unlocked stall in Tucson bathroom.

The Rapture Tour U.S. and Canada; Confused Christian Fundamentalists Buy Tickets, Are in for Big Surprise

Reptilian post-hard/math core is coming our way, in the shape of the venomous These Arms Are Snakes. I don't know what you think about David Icke's theory on the Illuminati and their quest for world domination, but I happen to feel that giant lizard life-forms masquerading as normal humans would be a welcome addition to our otherwise dull and bland existence. As such, I'm thrilled to announce, exclusively for TMT – sadly no other website would allow me to announce it – that These Arms Are Snakes are slithering their way across the continental United States in an imminent, upcoming, forthcoming, pending, impending, chilling, thrilling tour!

And now I have had it with These Fuckin' Arms are Motherfuckin' Snakes on a Motherfuckin' Plane:

09.22.06 - Richland, WA - Ray's Golden Lion
09.23.06 - Yakima, WA - Yakima Sports Center ^
10.17.06 – Denver, CO - Marquis Theater *$
10.18.06 – Lawrence, KS - Jackpot Saloon *
10.19.06 - Iowa City, IA - The Picador *{
10.20.06 - Chicago, IL - Beat Kitchen *#{
10.21.06 - Milwaukee, WI - The Cactus Club *#{
10.22.06 - Ann Arbor, MI - Blind Pig *#$
10.24.06 - Cleveland, OH - Grog Shop *#{
10.26.06 - Toronto, ON - The Kathedral *#
10.28.06 - Montreal, QC - Petit Campus *#
10.29.06 - Cambridge, MA - The Middle East – Upstairs *#%
11.01.06 - Providence, RI - The Livingroom *#%
11.02.06 - Philadelphia, PA - First Unitarian Church *#%
11.03.06 - Brooklyn, NY - North Six (Jade Tree CMJ Showcase)
11.07.06 - Atlanta, GA - Drunken Unicorn *#@
11.08.06 - Tallahassee, FL - Club Downunder *$
11.09.06 - Orlando, FL - AKA Lounge *@
11.10.06 - Jacksonville, FL - Jack Rabbit's *@
11.20.06 - San Francisco, CA - Bottom of the Hill *%

* - w/Mouth Of The Architect
# - w/Young Widows
% - w/ French Toast
@ - w/The North Atlantic
^ - w/ With a Bullet, Head Like A Kite
$ - w/ Planes Mistaken For Stars
- w/ River City Tan Lines
– w/ Everlovely Lightning Heart}

Enough punctuation for ya? My keyboard is having a FIELD DAY!