The National Tours; Opts Not To Include Opening Bands and Replaces Them With Presidential Debates
By Scout Leader Kyle on 08-22-2007
With the 2008 Presidential Election on the horizon, politicians have been experimenting with new ways to attract attention. One example is the hip usage of YouTube and the Obama Girl video, which might as well have been paid for by the Obama Campaign Committee. In light of these hip advances by the political machine, particular Republican presidential candidates such as "America's Mayor" Rudy Giuliani and "America's Mormon" Mitt Romney have decided to temporarily team up with Democratic presidential candidates Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama and give "opening act" debates during The National's tour this fall. Apparently, "indie culture" and "indie music" in general is extremely hip, and the demographic that participates in "indie culture" is one that the politicians want to successfully connect with to get these young folks out to vote in 2008. Using my excellent Tiny Mix Tapes press cred, I was able to get Mitt Romney, Hilary Clinton, and Matt Berninger (vocals for The National) to deliver a patented political one-liner about their upcoming "tour."
"I think The National is the perfect band to choose for our debates. Think about it, "The National" is the most appropriate band name for my political agenda. It'll definitely be a success." --Mitt Romney"I wasn't sure about the tour at first, because I listened to 2005's Alligator and I heard some bad words. Thankfully, I got their label to slap "Parental Advisory" stickers on the album -- now I'm on board." --Hilary Clinton
"We should have never switched labels to Beggar's Banquet. They're not even based in the United States. Fucking British humor" --Matt Berninger
It should be really exciting to see what these politicians have in store this fall; hopefully they discuss meaningful issues and convince me that I should vote in 2008. Oh, and if you're not going for the debates, you can check out The National afterward in these wonderful cities:
* Hilary Clinton & Barack Obama
# Mitt Romney & Rudy Giuliani
(Note: The Chemical Brothers' soundtrack to Fight Club is expected to play throughout the 25-minute opening act/debates.)
Jason Collett Tours, Is Really, Honestly, Seriously, Making Worthwhile Commitments to Culture Without Broken Social Scene, Is Really, Honestly, Seriously Wearing His Heart On His Sleeve, One Fitted Blazer At a Time
By AJ Pacitti on 08-22-2007
E! ENTERTAINMENT NEWS SEGMENT:
Announcer girl with cheap extensions who attempts to shake it like La-Lohan but fails miserably: OH WOW; THIS JUST IN! Jason Collett fans can rest easy: our ex Scenester Jas Baby is hitting the road to tour. That’s right, ladies. Your ticket means seeing JC. In person!
Kinda-too-tan guy announcer counterpart: OMFGOMFGOMFG LIKE I TOTALLY LUV JC OMFG!
Announcer girl with cheap extensions who attempts to shake it like La-Lohan but fails miserably: Woah! There’s only so much of Jas to go around. And if he’s in, GASP, a fitted blazer, there’ll be plenty of lustin’ ladies and jealous gents. So, cool them hotpants, girls! Don’t get too excited, now, but it’s rumored he may even reunite with past group members, who will all dress as marionettes and fly down from platforms, crooning tracks from the hit album No Strings Attached.
TMT reader, baby, sweetheart: ...??...!!...?!?
Kinda-too-tan guy announcer counterpart: Want Jas to notice you? JC GET WIT’ ME, sponsored in part by Pantene Pro-V and Pontiac, wants ya’ll to show your love by making a CLASSIC cardboard sign of affection. Like, the ones you use to get attention from onstage. What are you waiting for? Visit the Pontiac or Pantene Pro-V websites to enter your affectionate poster for the chance to win a makeover, Pontiac G6 convertible, and AUTOGRAPHED blazer from Jas Baby himself.
Announcer girl with cheap extensions who attempts to shake it like La-Lohan but fails miserably: Get on making those signs, ladies! Or it’ll be soooooo hey-hey-bye-bye-bye!
JC, if you were homework I’d do you, if you were a booger I’d pick you:
AT&T Caught Censoring Even More Groups, More Attention Needed
By Joseph Coscarelli on 08-21-2007
Forget shitty cell phone service, corporate giant AT&T has recently been under fire for an entirely different consistency problem -- their Orwellian practice of political censorship. As TMT and every other internet outlet has reported, during AT&T's webcast of Pearl Jam's set live from Lollapalooza, fans noticed Vedder's most inflammatory, anti-Bush lines mysteriously missing from the live stream. And if there's one thing we've all learned from early '90s alt.rock, it's don't mess with these fans; we've all seen a Rage Against the Machine mosh-pit.
Following an apology from AT&T, citing a "mistake" at the hands of an outside party, more information has surfaced. While the release sent to the recorded bands does not mention the right to censor, a crew member has indeed confirmed that he was told to remove speech if things became "too political," prompting further investigation by angry fans of groups including the John Butler Trio and The Flaming Lips. Eventually, AT&T copped to editing artists in the past "in a handful of cases." Other artists who are rumored to have been quieted include Tom Petty, Nightwatchmen, Lily Allen, and Lupe Fiaso, among others.
Is anyone really surprised? Of course not. But does that mean this is okay? Hell-fucking-no. The practice itself, which showcases fascist tendencies, is ridiculous enough, but AT&T's upfront dishonesty when initially presented with the facts is even more disconcerting. Now that these practices are out in the open, one can only hope that bands will think twice before committing to webcasts in AT&T's Blue Room or affiliated practices. After all, as Wired so vehemently points out, in the absence of net neutrality, where will the filtering end?
Two Dudes in the Park Talk about The Twilight Sad and No Age Touring
By The Friz on 08-21-2007
Dude 1: I just heard about this band The Twilight Sad from Tiny Mix Tapes. They’re on FatCat.
Dude 1: Oh yeah? Did they run a news story?
Dude 1: Nah, I clicked on one of their banner ads. You heard ‘em?
Dude 2: Nope. They good?
Dude 1: Yeah. Hey, I bet you haven’t heard No Age either. They’re on FatCat too.
Dude 2: No, man. I was heretofore unaware of FatCat’s stellar stable of artists.
Dude 1: Ain’t you got eyes? Those ads, it’s all flashy and blinkin’ and on and off -- you just gotta click it.
Dude 2: I use Adblock, Dude 1. You know that.
Dude 1: Shhhh. Not kosher, man. We’re on TinyMixTapes right now.
Dude 2: What? How?
Dude 1: You see that guy over there with a pen and pad?
Dude 2: Whoa, he must have gone to journalism school; no one can transcribe that fast. Is he wearing a fedora?
Dude 1: Hey! Hey! You, come back here! Shit, he’s gone.
Dude 2: Damn, I just wanted tell him to let bands know that if they format tourdates in TMT's house style, it’d make everyone’s life a whole lot easier.
Dude 1: Until next time, mysterious little TMT dude.
No Age tourdates:
* Revenge Of Shinobi
# Frightened Rabbit
TMT Writer Refuses to Take High Road, Eschews Obvious “Shopping” Metaphors to Explain Earlimart’s Fall Tour, Is Damn Excited About Having Used The Word “Eschews”
By Nobodaddy on 08-21-2007
Okay, kids. Class is just about in session again, so I figure that the only responsible thing that we can do here at TMT is help you ease back into that rusty ol' learning process by steering away from the glamorous, festival-filled, dance-partying sex-romp that was "Summer '07" by making our music news a little more mentally stimulating (read: obtuse). How's about we gear up with a few cognitive exercises? (Look, just deal with it, okay? I know it's only day 1, but this IS fair game for the midterm).
First up: Let's bone up on our checklist of plaintive, rusted-out, psych-tinged chamberfolk that evokes (among numerous other things) the broad, breathable spaces, big, open sky of the American West and the inevitable, paradoxical complexities of human longing that leave our proto-typical, loner hero rasping and breathless from endlessly trudging around in said dusty void in a frantic but ultimately-doomed search for human contact.
- Elliott Smith? Deceased.
- Lee Hazlewood? Deceased.
- Grandaddy? Defunct.
- Earlimart? De... hey, wait a second!
That's right, class! Let that be a lesson to always do your research. Despite their dower dispositions (and contrary to most scholars' accepted theory), Earlimart haven't yet imploded on themselves and are actually still alive and kicking! And front-man/"loner-hero statistic defier" Aaron Espinosa and his band of melancholy marauders will be buckling-down this fall themselves when they kickoff a lengthy North American tour tonight in support of their (let's see, one, two, three, four) fourth studio album Mentor Tormentor, which was released -- anyone? Anyone??? ... Okay, it was released today, folks, on Majordomo Records. You're going to have to learn to memorize these things, people! Sheeesh.
Oh, and speaking of dull, repetitive list memorization; there will be a pop quiz on the following tourdates on FRIDAY, people (never mind that you can't go to any of these shows because you're in school now). Yes, yes, it'll be a "matching" quiz...
