In response to the Bush administration's covert wiretapping activities, lovable crackpot Ralph Nader has formed an organization that will secretly record phone conversations between randomly-selected Christians throughout the nation. The watchdog group, called Ears for Justice (EJ), performed its inaugural phone tap late last week. Unfortunately, since everyone who would ever work for Nader is a social pariah with no appreciation for the finer things in life (kidding guys), no one at EJ realized that the two parties on the line were none other than critical darling Sufjan Stevens and his mentor, Daniel Smith of Danielson Famile/Brother Danielson/just plain Danielson fame. We at TMT discovered this egregious oversight and now bring you the exclusive transcript of their conversation.
SMITH: Hey, Sufjan?
SUFJAN: Uh, who is this?
SMITH: It's me, Soof. You know, Daniel Smith? Your spiritual father and musical inspiration?
SUFJAN: Oh, wow, Daniel! It's been so long!
SMITH: You're telling me! I've been trying to contact you for weeks, but I had to go through about three different label executives and publicists to get your new number!
SUFJAN: Well, you know how that is, man. I'm sure you have an army of handlers and stuff, too.
SUFJAN: So anyway, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?
SMITH: I called to let you know that my documentary, Danielson: A Family Movie, is showing in a few theaters and, thanks to the good folks at IMAGE Entertainment, will be out on DVD on April 10!
SUFJAN: Hey, that's great, Daniel. But, uh, what movie is this again?
SMITH: Come on, Sufjan, you were in it for a few minutes toward the end! The documentary by JL Aronson about the family and me! It features appearances by Steve Albini, Daniel Johnston, and Rick Moody! It was, you know, before those state albums and sold-out tours. You actually didn't do too much in the movie, but you're all anyone can talk about in reviews. That and how weird my voice is.
SUFJAN: Oh, hmm, interesting.... Listen, I'm in the middle of recording a song about Wichita for my new Kansas album, so I'm gonna have to get off the phone now...
Don't let some stiff do Daniel Smith this way. See the film and experience Brother Danielson's nine-fruit tree costume for yourself, and then send that dude some hate mail.