Daughters Tour, and If You Think They’re Gay it Says More About You Than it Does Them

I interviewed Lex from Daughters once. He wouldn’t give me his last name at the time, but it’s Marshall. He wouldn’t tell me his last name ’cause he’s a liar. A GODDAMNED LIAR. Er, wait, he’s not a liar per se, he’s just sick of all the harassment from Spin and Rolling Stone, always asking him to be on the cover of their respective magazine, always on his balls about some Fan-tabulous pictorial or some photo op with the kids from Real World Santiago or that bitch from Garden State. You know, that darth vader chick. Lex, which is short for Alexis, HATES that shit, and he spreads his buttcheeks for NO ONE.

He also loves microphones. I saw him live once and he deep-throated his mic like Jenna J taking down a floppy dinosaur cock. Early the next week an associate said the show was “too gay,” referring to this and other stunts, but I tend to disagree. If we want our frontment of today to truly blow our minds, pun intended, they need to have the freedom to suck, shuck, jerk, milk, fondle, stroke, slurp, gargle, and flat-out KNOB the mic all they want. Well, except for the gurgling, that’d be pretty tough to do unless you got one of ‘dem new Shure mics. Those things melt in your mouth, not your hand and are better than Liquid Paper!

But back to biznass: While Alexis shields his face from the cameras and avoids the titties of teenyboppers and smitten reviewers, his heavy-as-metal band Daughters will be on tour with the likes of Chinese Stars, Pelican, Russian Circles, The Locust, and Cattle Decapitation, the latter of whom will be passing out ‘Axe Grant’ leaflets due to my news article last week about pushy vegetarians. Well, they would be if they gave a shit, anyway... they never return my letters!

Ask Lex Diamonds his REAL last name at the following tourdates:

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