4 A champion named Capitol, who was from Hollywood, came out of the Philistine camp. He was over nine feet tall.
5 He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels,
6 on his legs he wore bronze greaves, and a bronze javelin was slung on his back.
7 His spear shaft was like a weaver's rod, and its iron point weighed six hundred shekels. His shield bearer, the RIAA, went ahead of him.
12 Now Amanda was the daughter of a woman named Debbie, who was from Bethlehem in Judah (or not).
17 Now Debbie said to her daughter Amanda, "Take this ephah of roasted grain and these ten loaves of bread to Limewire and downloadeth some Avril Lavigne.
20 Early in the morning Amanda left the flock with a shepherd, loaded up and set out, as Debbie had directed. She reached the camp as the army was going out to its battle positions, shouting the war cry and downloading tunes.
21 The file-sharer and Capitol Records were drawing up their lines facing each other.
50 So Amanda triumphed over the RIAA with a sling and a stone; without a sword in her hand she struck down the RIAA and killed him.
51 Amanda ran and stood over Capitol. She took hold of Capitol's sword and drew it from the scabbard. After she killed him, she cut off his head with the sword. When the RIAA saw that their hero was dead, they turned and ran.
As demonstrated in the Old Testament, a milestone for P2P-ers everywhere is upon us; a giant has fallen -- the RIAA has been ordered in a court of law to pay lawyer fees in its Capitol Records, Inc. vs. Debbie Foster and Amanda Foster case. On the strength of their counterclaims of declaratory judgment, the Fosters have been awarded $68,685.23, the only defendant ever awarded a sum against an RIAA member. The RIAA has since issued a statement, assuring its quivering masses that this was a judge's mistake and an "isolated occurrence" to never be relived. Only time will tell, but for now rejoice, Israelites, rejoice!