By Nobodaddy on Jun 26 2008

Okay, picture this, reader: So, you're Billy Corgan (I know, gross, right?), and you’re down in the dumps. For starters, your manager has just vetoed your awesome idea of changing the spelling of the word “Billy” to include three #1s (Yeah, like “B#1#1#1Y.” Pretty rad, pretty rad!). But more importantly, you’ve recently realized that your "band" (uh, such as it is) -- in addition to having become a hideous self-portrait long distorted from its supernatural absorption of 17+ years of baby-genius fits, forced moans, bad trench coats, unwarranted forays into electronic music, and unapologetically barbarous feasting upon the fresh egos of fellow bandmates -- is saddled with a 1991-era band name in a 2008 world!

Every day you wake up and monologue to yourself (and to the biographer that you've hired to follow you around all day): "god DAMN ‘Smashing Pumpkins’ is a lame band name! If only I could somehow, I don’t know, turn back the hands of time... if only, instead of finally moving on with my life and my music, I could actually transport the whole world back to a time when the name ‘Smashing Pumpkins’ seemed cool and relevant!"

Well, good news, Billy. Now you can.

The solution? Why, you'd simply pull a Liz Phair and immediately make plans to re-release your band's 1991 debut album Gish as a box set later on in 2008. And just to one-up Phair, you'd probably just release it complete with plenty of pre-Gish material from the late-’80s, not only to give the public a sense that 1991 is actually pretty "futuristic," but also so that fans can finally hear the awkward, growing stages of your brain-child and finally understand just how large and imposing of a shadow you actually cast over Alternative/Rock! Ah, you can actually feel your hair growing back as I speak...

But how to spread the word about your re-ushering-in of the 1990s? Well, I suppose the easiest way would be to just get on your website and post a little enigmatic non-post. You know, just enough to get the online publications writing cheeky stories about it in the days and weeks that follow. Something kinda like this:

Does anyone else smell that in the air? Oh yeah, that's Gish!

SP.com has another small byte of information for you regarding your favorite first Smashing Pumpkins album: plans are currently underway that will lead to the eventual release of a pre-Gish/Gish box set!

What is to be included on here, no one knows for sure but it should be noted that its release is expected to coincide with the Gish tour sometime in 2008...

Expect more information as it becomes available.

And boom! Just like that, you're back in business, Billy. Ahh, safe and warm back in the early ’90s where violence toward the plant kingdom was as hip and popular as... well, as some other band besides yours is today! It's a wonder what a little sickeningly desperate nostalgia appropriation can do, isn't it? And look, you even get to tour on this shit, too! It's gonna feel great when you're paying like 83¢ a gallon for that sweet, sweet 1990s gas!

Oh, yeah, "but what about D'arcy and James," you ask? Hey. Don't worry about them, dear reader. After all, you're supposed to be Billy Corgan, remember?

Gish List: