Attention NERDS!!!
Are you feeling lonely and isolated?
Are you low on friends and self-esteem but high on embarrassing facial and/or body hair?
Are your ridiculous coke-bottle glasses the only thing keeping you from looking like a total terrorist?
Do you have some kind of physical abnormality or misunderstood behavioral problem that's keeping you from that hallowed inner circle of cool friends and hot girlfriends/boyfriends that you've only read about in RollingStone?
Are you fourteen years old???
If you answered "yes" (or "affirmative" for you REALLY nerdy types) to any of those questions, then you'll no doubt be interested to know that idiosyncratic, bedroom art-pop legends Eels are currently prepping their first "best-of" and "rarities" collections for release in early 2008.
That's right, Shrek fans! Morose Songwriter/multi-instrumentalist/horrible singer Mark Oliver Everett (a.k.a. "A Man Called E," a.k.a. "Mr. E," a.k.a. "E") and his merry crew of date-movie troubadours have announced a January 15, 2008 release date for the auspicious unveiling of both Meet The EELS: Essential EELS Vol. 1, 1996-2006 (CD+DVD), as well as their first collection of rarities, B-sides, film contributions, and unreleased tracks, EELS Useless Trinkets: B-Sides, Soundtracks, Rarities and Unreleased 1996-2006 (2CD+DVD).
Both of these dower disc-collections will be issued by the laughably confusing conglomeration of DreamWorks/Geffen/UMe Records. To make matters more lucrative for the aging Mr. E., the forthcoming collections will mark the DVD Premiere of all of this video action, and all the music will be digitally remastered with both packages packed with never-before-seen photos, artifacts, and Everett's presumably extremely depressing notes about each track.
Highlights from the redundantly titled, 24-track, and 12-video affair that is Meet The EELS: Essential EELS Vol. 1, 1996-2006 include a previously unreleased Jon Brion remix of "Climbing To The Moon" from the band's second effort Electro-shock Blues, as well as the previously unreleased (unless you're Missy Elliott) "Get Ur Freak On," a live version of "Dirty Girl" from 2006's With Strings: Live At Town Hall, and "I Need Some Sleep" from the... you guessed it, Shrek 2 soundtrack.
Meanwhile, the 50-track, "who knew they even had this many songs!?" collection, EELS Useless Trinkets: B-Sides, Soundtracks, Rarities and Unreleased 1996-2006 will REALLY test your Mr. E tolerance. The mad frontman has seen fit to include just about everything but the kitchen sink, including such gruff-sung numbers as longtime concert favorite "Living Life" from the Daniel Johnston tribute album, the previously unreleased 2006 cover of Screamin' Jay Hawkins' "I Put A Spell On You" (yeah, apparently), and a handful of additional covers, including James Carr's "Dark End of The Street" and Prince's "If I Was Your Girlfriend."
Useless Trinkets also includes a large handful of, well, useless trinkets, such as the obligatory BBC performances, live versions of self-loathing hits "Novocaine For The Soul" and "My Beloved Monster," tracks from the band's endless parade of ridiculous film appearances (i.e. Holes, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, etc.), and much much more miscellaneousness! The accompanying DVD features six performances from the EELS' Lollapalooza 2006 performance, including a gospel rave-up take on "My Beloved Monster" and a high-octane rumble through "Souljacker part I." Take it from E: You'll never have such a good time feeling depressed as hell!
So there you have it, geeks and geek-lovers. The only question you have to ask yourself is: "How much Eels can you handle?" Sadly for you and your humdrum, "it's not easy being green" friends, these handy compendiums couldn't make it in time for a Christmas season release, but hey, you could always just buy each other some 10 Things I Hate About You DVDs and CD Soundtracks, probably for WAY cheaper.
It's the same thing, really.
