EMI Still Way Ahead of the Game, Release Official Mashups to Prove It

Bet you thought you had the upper hand on EMI, didn't you? You clever little Sony Acid Pro superstar! Well, serves you right — they're gonna one-up your garbage mix of Eric Clapton's "I Shot The Sheriff" vs. Wolf Eyes' "Stabbed In The Face" with an official album of mash-ups by the notorious, world-renowned Go Home Productions.

Okay, so I hadn't heard of Go Home Productions before either. But apparently Mark Vidler must have given those sexy EMI execs some very good cunningulus/fellatio action, as he gets the official "it's okay" stamp of approval for his album of synchronized songs.

The album, the aptly titled Mashed, is set to feature such pairings as Blondie with The Doors, Kelis with Duran Duran, and my personal favorite, Iggy Pop with Peggy Lee. This CD will be different than the "usual" mashup stuff, as it won't be as heavily dance-influenced, a la 2manydjs or Danger Mouse. Instead, it will just be a bunch of songs you already know being played at the same time.

But man, what an awe-inspiring album title. I feel a little ripped off, though, as I was planning on naming my new potato concept album Mashed, and now I'm left holding the bag.

You maniacs! You ruined everything! Damn you, Go Home Productions! Damn you all to hell!

Tourdate Conversion Example: Quintron Tours

Step 1: copy-paste dates into Notepad file.

11-24-2006 New York NY Irving Plaza
11-25-2006 Philadelphia PA Theatre of Living Arts
11-26-2006 Washington DC 9:30 Club
11-27-2006 Charlottesville VA Satellite Ballroom
11-28-2006 Atlanta GA Variety Playhouse
11-30-2006 Fort Worth TX Ridglea Theater
12-01-2006 Austin TX Austin Festival
12-02-2006 New Orleans LA House of blues
12-03-2006 Tallahassee FL The Beta Bar
12-04-2006 Orlando FL The Club at Firestone
12-07-2006 Miami FL Churchills Pub

Step 2: Ctrl+h (replace "-" with ".")

Step 3: Ctrl+h (replace "2006. " with "06 - ")

Step 4: Manually add "-" between location and venue

Step 5: italicize

Step 6: send to TMT; they publish anything

11.24.06 - New York NY - Irving Plaza
11.25.06 - Philadelphia PA - Theatre of Living Arts
11.26.06 - Washington DC - 9:30 Club
11.27.06 - Charlottesville VA - Satellite Ballroom
11.28.06 - Atlanta GA - Variety Playhouse
11.30.06 - Fort Worth TX - Ridglea Theater
12.01.06 - Austin TX - Austin Festival
12.02.06 - New Orleans LA - House of blues
12.03.06 - Tallahassee FL - The Beta Bar
12.04.06 - Orlando FL - The Club at Firestone
12.07.06 - Miami FL - Churchills Pub

posted by crowell

Tourdate Conversion Example: Quintron Tours

Nobody on the road. No one's even on the beach. And the fucking Eagles signed a goddamned deal with Wal-Mart. I knock on your door. I know nobody's home. Your gramma calls it Wally World. But, damn girl. I can still see your brown skin shining in the sun. You had those sunglasses on. Shit. Goddamned hair combed straight fucking back. Remember when Dylan signed that one deal with Starbucks? Public Enemy with Best Buy? Sounds like an industry trend. Take note. I can't tell you I'll still be in love with you, though, after those dudes are gone. What does that even mean? Corporate goat fuck. Is that a fucking Dead Head sticker on a Cadillac? God's miserable teeth! This isn't even an Eagle’s song! Corporate goat fuck. Industry trend! Shining in the sun!

The Fall To Release New Album And Two Books; TMT Scores Exclusive Fake Excerpt

Mark E. Smith's prolificacy through the years has been simply bananas, no? (And I'm not just talking about PEEL Sessions!!!) With all the excitement and controversy still bubbling from their most recent tour, The Fall have decided to release a new album in early 2007, entitled Reformation. No tracklist or details about the content yet, but it's rumored that Ben Folds will play piano on none of the tracks.

Also planned are two Fall-related books; the first is the autobiographical Renegade: The Gospel According To Mark E. Smith, which may have actual spittle-and-beer stains on select pages, while the second is Perverted By Language: Fiction Inspired By The Fall, which is a collection of fiction inspired by The Fall. Though the latter book won't be out until June 28, TMT has acquired a fake advance copy and is pleased to offer a short excerpt:

The Man Whose Head Expanded

It was a dark and stormy night. E. G. Cunningham pulled into his driveway at 9:30 PM, much like any other night. He removed his keys from the ignition and dropped them into his suit pocket, much like any other night. In fact, everything that happened to Mr. Cunningham on that dark and stormy night was precisely the same as any other night of his life. Precisely the same, that is, except for one sinister difference. On that particular dark and stormy night, E. G. Cunningham had a horrible secret of the most jaw-dropping magnitude.

Cunningham exited his vehicle and opened the front door to greet his beautiful wife, but something suddenly gave him pause. E. G. Cunningham could not get through the front door. Luckily, his wife was not only beautiful but pragmatic, and in minutes a solution was reached: Cunningham would enter through the side window. Dinner was already set on the table as he stepped into the dining room, and his wife trembled as she ladled fresh soup into his bowl. Before the spoon was even brought to his lips, Cunningham's cranium had suddenly expanded to the size of a baby rhinoceros.

"Why... why is this happening to me?" he wailed. "What have I done to deserve such treatment?"

"You sad, sad man," his wife whispered into his ear, an ear now the size of an adult rhinoceros. "Did you really believe I'd never find out about your child pornography ring?"

"No... no, I can explain, honey!" he shrieked. "Honey no... put that safety pin down... you can't do this to me. You can't do this to E.G. Cunningham!" And with that, he became the man whose head... exploded. All over the walls. His funeral was a simple affair attended by few, and in weeks his wife was married to Mark E. Smith, who meats her.

Universal Music Is Now U.S.-Approved to Buy BMG Publishing Unit, Also Supports Slave Labor, Troops

Surprise, surprise: Vivendi's Universal Music has received U.S. antitrust approval to acquire BMG Music Publishing, in an estimated $2.09 billion deal. (Shit, that's a lot of Egg McMuffins.) What does this mean? It means that Universal could potentially own 22% of the publishing market, which would essentially combine (1) the world's third largest music publisher and largest independent music publisher with (2) the world's fourth largest publishing company that already owns and administers more than 1 million copyrights. (Try to guess which one's which!) This would create the world's largest publishing company, just beating out EMI.

But, don't worry, you optimistic mealworm! Because here comes IMPALA, the pan-European independent labels/publishers group that successfully overturned the EC's approval of the Sony BMG merger!! Can IMPALA come to the rescue and provide some valuable input to the EU's investigation!? Will IMPALA be able to convince the inhabitants of Earth that a merger could lead to "prejudice in terms of collecting societies, online licensing, synchronisation markets, and the restrictive impact on songwriters and artists"!? The IMPALA members are currently in consultation with each other and we should hear back soon. C'mon, they've gotta prove the U.S. wrong! They've just gotta.

THIS JUST IN: ARTISTS STILL FUCKED

The World Has One Less Mazarin To Kick Around

So, it goes like this. Mazarin, the psychedelic rock band from Philadelphia that has toured with The Walkmen, Rogue Wave, and more over the last 10 years or so, were given a cease-and-desist letter from some '70s rock never was-ers, also called Mazarin, who claim to be the "Rock and Roll Legends of Long Island." According to the band's web site, they didn't want to fight the "L.I. Legends" and have decided to give up the name.

After December 2, the band that released Watch It Happen (1996), Tall-Tale Story Line (2001), and We're Already There (2005) will no longer be called Mazarin. They are not breaking up exactly, as they state later on the site, "Quentin Stoltzfus (and every contributing member to have ever played in Mazarin) is still making music with every intention of making it available to you, in time!" Since Stoltzfus wrote all the songs and has pretty much been the only constant in the band, all and all, the name seems fairly inconsequential.

Their last "Mazarin" show will be in Philadelphia, on December 2. The band will be taking e-mail requests, through their site, for what songs they should play during the show. Please, drunk-asshole-who-will-scream-all-night-for-them-to-play-"Chasing The Girl," save everyone the discomfort and just put it in an e-mail or two, or one-hundred, whatever it takes. As one final consolation, the band has put up their last "Mazarin" song, "Your Advice" on their MySpace page as a free download.

Final tourdate:

12.02.06 - Philadelphia, PA - Johnny Brenda’s *

* w/ Public Record and Beat Jams

  

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