Remember when major music groups gave a shit about their employees? Neither do I, and neither will ex-EMI Group employees two months from now when they're looking for new jobs to call their own (like single-father-of-three Joey Rimshot from Sacramento, who was saving up for a plane ticket to visit his dying father).
It was announced yesterday morning that the EMI Group is consolidating its Capitol and Virgin labels. Named Capitol Music Group and headed by Virgin's Jason Flom, the move is part of a restructuring plan to eliminate redundancies and reduce annual expenses by $217 million. The plan is spearheaded by chief executive officer of EMI Group Eric Nicoli, best known for creating Nestle's Lion Bar, a candy bar consisting of wafer, caramel, and rice crispies covered in milk chocolate (seriously).
So far, Andrew Slater, president and chief executive of Capitol, has "stepped down," joining already dismissed EMI executives Alain Levy and David Munns. BUT WE'RE NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT EXECUTIVE LAYOFFS! The recent announcement supports the somewhat widespread belief that EMI is packaging itself for a sale or merger (rumor has it that Warner Music Group may increase its bid), and according to sources speaking to both The New York Times' Jeff Leeds and Digital Music News, heavy layoffs are expected to come.
Our source had some enlightening things to say, too:
tinymixxtapes3: hey, writing a story about the Capitol/Virgin consolidation... any exclusive info you can give me?
RimShot21: not really. i don't work for EMI anymore. got laid off. those fuckers.
RimShot21: what's so funny man?
tinymixxtape3: i was actually going to write about layoffs in my story!
RimShot21: really!? haha, shit, weird.
tinymixxtapes3: so no exclusive info you can give me? c'mon, some quote or something... i'm on deadline yo
RimShot21: not unless you want to report how i was planning to buy a ticket to visit my dying father, but now i can't cuz of the layoff... :
tinymixxtapes3: um, not really. that's too depressing for the readers. fuck it. hey, have you heard the new Panda Bear album? sooooo awesome.
RimShot21: i haven't! hook me up (by the way, understandable about my father...)
tinymixxtapes3: maybe i'll mention it if you buy some ad space for march... ?
RimShot21: hmm, i'm kinda saving for that plane ticket...but i know you've been saving for a new record player...
tinymixxtapes3: well, whatever dude... i do need the money, but do whatever you want (paypal email is firstname.lastname@example.org). gotta go, talk later.