The End of High-Quality Radio Streams? “Perform Act” Sails Seven Seas For Pirates, Realizes It’s Sailing On Land; Continues

Like many other unsavory individuals these days, I spend a fair amount of time listening to music via online radio stations. Given the borderline-hilariously limited range of music offered on commercial radio, the chance to listen to high-quality streams of amazing stations throughout the country is an endless treat, from the electric Mecca of WFMU to the sheer Weir-iness of WNUR. Whenever I'm sick of listening to the lone Mariah Carey Christmas album in my iTunes library, I load up one of
these stations and the word "Om" forms on my lips, as if by a divine hand.

So, of course, internet radio must be dismantled. The "Platform Equality and Remedies for Rights Holders in Music Act," or PERFORM (how do those words add up to PERFORM?!), was introduced to the Senate recently after having been originally introduced last year and thankfully left to die. This legislation would require content protection on internet broadcasts (along with digital and satellite radio) and would put an end to MP3 streaming. Although the Audio Home Recording Act of 1992 gave consumers the right to make both analog and digital recordings of broadcasts, some feel that this is entirely too "fair." Have I mentioned the RIAA is involved?

The fear of those that have no idea what's happening at any given moment is that Long John Silver-types are sailing the airwaves and recording songs that play for subsequent distribution through P2P networks. Somehow, this is meant to be a simpler and more sinister method than one dude buying the CD and converting it to MP3s. If the Perform Act passes, radio stations will be forced to abandon high-quality streaming formats for other alternatives, ones that will be literally oozing with DRM technology. And the only kind of ooze I like to hear about is that which oozes with secrets -- secrets that can be uncovered through the teamwork and determination of four hard-workin', shell-shockin', crime-fightin' turtles.

Busdriver And RJD2 Tour In Pretty Much Every Venue, Bar, Art Gallery, Festival, Abandoned Warehouse, Fire Station, Bank, Train Station, Front Room Bigger Than 10m2, Antiques Store, Bowling Alley, Ice Skating Rink, Dairy Aisle And Courtroom In The USA

B B B B B Busdriver says:

Hey man

RJD2 (god dammit im NOT R2D2!!!) says:

sup

B B B B B Busdriver says:

What u up to?

RJD2 (god dammit im NOT R2D2!!!) says:

not much, mom's got me in doin homework

B B B B B Busdriver says:

Damn, that sucks.

B B B B B Busdriver says:

Want to go out? Maybe tour a little? Me n Deerhoof are up for it, maybe get a couple of other ppl.

RJD2 (god dammit im NOT R2D2!!!) says:

nah man, i told u! gotta do this work

B B B B B Busdriver says:

It's cool, i've got this totally bitchin plan

RJD2 (god dammit im NOT R2D2!!!) says:

what?

B B B B B Busdriver says:

Just tell ur mom there's this awesome, like, demolition derby goin down. Cars exploding and stuff, all the cars have got badass dragon decals on the sides and everything. and at the end there's going to be this 18-wheeler on fire that's gonna just come in and total everyone.

RJD2 (god dammit im NOT R2D2!!!) says:

SERIOUSLY??? that sounds AWESOME!!! where is it??

B B B B B Busdriver says:

nah, that's the thing, man. there isn't one, but yr mom will get so excited she's gonna want to go out and see it. then you can sneak out!

RJD2 (god dammit im NOT R2D2!!!) says:

i don't really think shes that into demolition derbys

B B B B B Busdriver says:

Whatever, man. EVERYONE's into demolition derbys.

The Busdriver 'N' Pals Super Fun Tour In A Venue Near You:

The Decemberists Go On Tour, Move Mr P To A Bigger House

Portland's own group of indie-folk sea-chantey prog rockers, The Decemberists, are, much like the South, gonna do it again. Tour, that is, as this spring will see another round of dates for the group, which are promoting their major-label debut, 2006's The Crane Wife (Capitol). The band have also just released an iTunes-only live EP, Live From SoHo, which was recorded live at the Apple Store in SoHo. I guess when the internet is the world's record store, then playing the Apple Store is the 21st Century version of an 'in-store' performance. This headlining tour, which will feature My Brightest Diamond as the opening act, finds the group playing in some of the largest venues of their career.

While the press release for this tour mentioned most of what I just told you, there were a few other bits in it that got me thinking. Here's one: 'a much-publicized guitar showdown with Stephen Colbert resulted in Dr. Henry Kissinger, Peter Frampton, and Elliot Spitzer showing up in more Decemberists Google searches than ever before.' I wish TMT was showing up in more Decemberists searches then ever before. But wait, why stop there. I want TMT to show up in more seemingly-out-of-context searches then ever before. Searches for things like:

EMI’s Capitol and EMI’s Virgin Conslidate to Form EMI’s Capitol Music Group, Which Is Ironic Because Would EMI’s Nicoli Send His Own Son to Iraq?

Remember when major music groups gave a shit about their employees? Neither do I, and neither will ex-EMI Group employees two months from now when they're looking for new jobs to call their own (like single-father-of-three Joey Rimshot from Sacramento, who was saving up for a plane ticket to visit his dying father).

It was announced yesterday morning that the EMI Group is consolidating its Capitol and Virgin labels. Named Capitol Music Group and headed by Virgin's Jason Flom, the move is part of a restructuring plan to eliminate redundancies and reduce annual expenses by $217 million. The plan is spearheaded by chief executive officer of EMI Group Eric Nicoli, best known for creating Nestle's Lion Bar, a candy bar consisting of wafer, caramel, and rice crispies covered in milk chocolate (seriously).

So far, Andrew Slater, president and chief executive of Capitol, has "stepped down," joining already dismissed EMI executives Alain Levy and David Munns. BUT WE'RE NOT JUST TALKING ABOUT EXECUTIVE LAYOFFS! The recent announcement supports the somewhat widespread belief that EMI is packaging itself for a sale or merger (rumor has it that Warner Music Group may increase its bid), and according to sources speaking to both The New York Times' Jeff Leeds and Digital Music News, heavy layoffs are expected to come.

Our source had some enlightening things to say, too:

tinymixxtapes3: hey, writing a story about the Capitol/Virgin consolidation... any exclusive info you can give me?

RimShot21: not really. i don't work for EMI anymore. got laid off. those fuckers.

tinymixxtapes3: hahahah!!

RimShot21: what's so funny man?

tinymixxtape3: i was actually going to write about layoffs in my story!

RimShot21: really!? haha, shit, weird.

tinymixxtapes3: so no exclusive info you can give me? c'mon, some quote or something... i'm on deadline yo

RimShot21: not unless you want to report how i was planning to buy a ticket to visit my dying father, but now i can't cuz of the layoff... :

tinymixxtapes3: um, not really. that's too depressing for the readers. fuck it. hey, have you heard the new Panda Bear album? sooooo awesome.

RimShot21: i haven't! hook me up (by the way, understandable about my father...)

tinymixxtapes3: maybe i'll mention it if you buy some ad space for march... ?

RimShot21: hmm, i'm kinda saving for that plane ticket...but i know you've been saving for a new record player...

tinymixxtapes3: well, whatever dude... i do need the money, but do whatever you want (paypal email is tinymixxtapes3@aol.com). gotta go, talk later.

Holy Fuck Fudge On Tour [ed. Let’s At Least Keep The Headline Clean…]

I have no idea how Holy Fuck decided on their band name, but I'm guessing it was the result of sheer frustration. This is how the scenario played out in my head: After hours of debating the name of the band, the collective threw up their arms (in sheer frustration) and agreed that the next two words uttered by anyone would be the name of the band. Everyone sat silently for a few minutes, not wanting to condemn the group to a lifetime of mockery due to a shoddy name. Suddenly, the drummer had to pee. While standing in the bathroom emptying his bladder into the porcelain bowl, he noticed a small circular hole on the wall. Being unfamiliar with the concept of a "glory hole" the unassuming drummer went all Porky's on that hole and decided to take a peek. Bursting from the bathroom in tears the drummer screamed, "HOLY FUCK, I just got an eyeball full of CACK!"

For those a little lost because of the slang vernacular my imagination employed back there, CACK is a common mispronunciation of the word "cock," which refers to the (preferably) long, tube-shaped part of the male genitalia. For the never-been-humped ladies reading, "cock" is the gender opposite of "cunt," a slang term for the mighty clam caught between your legs. "Cunt" is also one of the more offensive sounding words in the English language, especially when you pack it full of hate and vitriol. Use it next time you get into a shout-off with the mistress, there's nothing more satisfying than making someone smaller than you cry... unless they become so enraged that they kill you. That would be bad.

Oh... and just in case anyone is still reading, Holy Fuck are about to go on tour. Check them out. They're really good. Seriously.

Holy Fuck Tour DateZ:

Exclusive: Dinosaur Jr. Reuniting With David Lee Roth For Tour

Confidential sources are telling TMT that the sources who told Billboard that David Lee Roth is reuniting with Van Halen are full of shit. The real story is that David Lee Roth is reuniting (for the first time, dictionary be damned) with Dinosaur Jr. for a full tour. While no one in the Dinosaur Jr. camp will confirm or deny this, they have announced the title and tracklist of the band's next LP, Beyond.

Fat Possum will release the record, which has plenty of J Mascis, Lou Barlow & Murph -- and zero DLR -- on May 1. The album, the band's eighth, was recorded by Mascis and engineer John Angello (Hold Steady, Oxford Collapse) at Mascis' home studio. This is the first Dinosaur Jr. record since 1988's Bug to feature the original Jayloumurph lineup. In addition the album, the group also has a Roth-less DVD coming out. The live DVD, which was directed by Phillip Virus, Mascis' brother-in-law, includes performances from a couple of the band's December '05 reunion shows and will hit stores May 8.

Enough with the boring LP/DVD talk; here are those precious Roth tour details. Our sources have also confirmed some changes are afoot, which might make some Dino-thusiasts very unhappy. Gone from the band are Lou & Murph, replaced by Mascis' brother on drums and his 15-year-old son on bass. Lou's familiar cardigan-shaped bass will be replaced with one that looks like a giant Capri-Sun pouch, to better suit the younger Mascis' interests. While none of this has yet been confirmed, you can't deny that Dinosaur Jr. loves a good reunion. No doubt, a full list of tourdates is forthcoming.

Beyond tracklist: