Everybody Have Fun Tonight…Everybody Sea and Cake Tonight…

1993 saw the World Trade Center bombing, the super-sad killing of toddler James Bulger by two 10-year-old boys in Liverpool, England, a massive blizzard which paralyzed parts of the eastern U.S., the deaths of GG Allin and André the Giant, and of River Phoenix and his possible supplier (in a roundabout way), Pablo Escobar, the bizarre 51-day stand-off/raid at a Branch Davidian compound in Waco, TX, the even more bizarre Lorena and John Wayne Bobbitt partial penis fiasco and its influence on a generation of stand-up comedians and rappers, and too many unfortunate natural disasters and senseless massacres to mention.

There were loads of less-shocking events too: the first time Martin Luther King Jr. Day, in some name or form, was observed in every state in the United States. The "Velvet Divorce" between the Czech Republic and Slovakia finally happened, as did the "Velour Divorce" between Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz. The first Ultimate Fighting Championship introduced us to the real "beautiful sport." Man, sorry to backtrack but can you believe Bonet and Kravitz are no longer together? That truly is catastrophic. I'm still in mourning. They had an unbreakable bond, with a passion and a love that was timeless, haunting and beautiful, like, a thousand storybook romances in one. Sigh... 1993 also saw the first blush of Beck's recording career. And Bush's (the band). The Fresh Prince still recorded music, as his "Boom! Shake the Room" told the story of a young man and his struggle to shake the room with his boom-boom. America caught the "Cyrus virus" and the Spin Doctors gave frat boys the chance to soundtrack their GHB-fueled gang-bang keggers with the sound of pockets full of kryptonite. Ah, them be simpler times.

Alright, I'll give the nonsense a break for once (I can't believe I just quickly glossed over the serious and catastrophic events above in favor of pop-culturing the shit out of this story like mentioning the Bonet/Kravitz divorce, twice!). Nah, for many of our lovely, loyal readers, 1993 marks the year gods Erik Claridge, John McEntire, Sam Prekop, and Archer Prewitt came together to form their "side-project" The Sea and Cake. Separately, all four members keep busy enough to make Van Gogh seem about as productive as 'Dude' from The Big Lebowski, but together, as The Sea and Cake, they have made us wait for new material longer than we would normally consider acceptable. We may be a trifle too eager, but since 2003, we have had to make do with repeated listens to the group's six wonderfully blissful indie-rock albums while surfing their website in hopes of updates other than reports of a "new kelly-green tee" and a forum that has forever been "coming soon." That just ain't frequent enough for us Ritalin kids! After a year or two's worth of new record whispers and rumors, we can confirm that the seventh Sea and Cake album will be out May 8, contains 10 Brian Paulson-produced songs, is being put out by Thrill Jockey, and is called Chinese Democ, um, Everybody. Make 2007 a year to remember because of The Sea and Cake. And only because of The Sea and Cake.

Ornette Coleman to Receive Lifetime Achievement Award at Grammys

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Directions: Move your cursor over the above image and keep it there to see Ornette's projected reaction!

The Avalanches Are Forging their New Album Entirely Out of Adamantium… and a few Pop Tarts.

Remember Frontier Psychiatrist? A silly question when you consider the talking coconut with googly eyes, a turtle with an old-man's head, and singing ghosts. Oh, and a giant parrot, a mariachi band, cowboys, and that chorus of old people. Haven't seen the video you say? Have you even heard the song? You haven't? Well, listen up clown-shoes; I've had enough of your rampant tomfoolery. How dare you do this to me. Link to the Video. Now there's no excuse is there? I just gave you a link to the video. You don't even have to move. I've done the leg work for you. Go ahead and watch it. I'll wait.

Pretty cool eh? I love the part at the beginning with they act out that old sample. You still haven't watched it? Are you fucking with me? You wanna read to the article first? Fine.

*END OF ARTICLE*

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Okay, now that I've distracted the riffraff with shiny things and YouTube, let me tell you what these crazy Aussies have been up to since Y2K: They've been making another album. ISN'T THAT CRAZY? I know, it's just out of this world. Apparently the album required a bit of re-tweaking since they initially thought it was done in 2005. Hopefully this means the album will be good. I'd like to hear a good record. I like good music. Do you like good music? I certainly hope so. So yeah, the other day I was chatting with your father on the phone while your mother was giving me hea...

HEY! You're back! How was the video? Yeah I said you'd like it. Sorry for deceiving you like that. No... hahaha, of course I wouldn't say anything to offend you; that's just a filthy rumor. A filthy, filthy rumor. No don't! I urge you not to read the previous paragraph. You already did? Dammit... okay, if I told you that I was put up to it, would you believe me? I didn't think so... how about some kind of monetary compensation for the emotional damage?

HEY TMT OWNER DUDE, CAN I PAY OFF THE STUPID MOONINITES THAT I ACCIDENTALLY CALLED "RIFFRAFF"?

IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL WORD YOU SAY?

Okay, so it turns out what I called you isn't even a dirty word, unless you're some kind of late-1800s gold miner. You are? Wow... that's actually pretty cool, so do you have like... a time machine or something? No? You're just 150 years old? I don't believe you. Where's your time machine? In your pants you say? I have to reach for it myself? Well, since I'm incredibly gullible, I think I'll venture a grab down there... *rummaging noises* Hey! I found a burrito! Cool. I like burritos. Awesome, this one is warm, I think I'll just have myself a taste here. Eww...this sorta tastes like your mom's [ed. Removed that word...we got too many complaints last time] cooking.

We have no idea when the album is coming out, but it's "on the way in 2007." At least according to a post on the avalanches forum, by someone named "theavalanchesdotcom." Whatever that means.

Sage Francis Is Not On Fire, Will Release New LP May 8

Partially due to not being on fire, Sage Francis is set to release his new LP, Human The Death Dance, on May 8. The album, his tenth, features collaborations with Jolie Holland, Mark Isham, and Buck 65. Some of the tracks have been recorded for the Edward Norton/Colin Farrell film, Pride & Glory. None of these people are currently on fire.

"I am relieved that I am not on fire, as I feel that being on fire would seriously impair my ability to create and release not only this album, but the many albums I have planned for the future," Sage said in a recent press release. "Rapping is a very serious business, and it is very hard to do if you are on fire. Well, I can only guess that that is the case, as I am not on fire."

Doctor Ben Tilley, Professor of Fire at Stanford University, is hopeful for Sage's continuing health. "Assuming a continuing state of non-combustion, Sage can hope to live a happy and healthy life for about another 50 years," he told Tiny Mix Tapes. "Of course, should he set on fire at any point, he should expect his life expectancy to drop dramatically."
3,675 people die due to fire every year in the USA. The symptoms include burns, blisters, smoke damage, and death. The Great Chicago fire of 1871, in which Sage Francis was not involved, caused $2.6 billion dollars worth of damage (adjusted).

While a full tracklisting for Human The Death Dance has not yet been released, songs such as "Woke Up This Morning," "Hell Of A Year," and "Keep Moving" cover topics ranging from the workplace to sex addiction. In an eerie reflection of his current state, none of the songs mention being on fire.

Tapes N Tapes To Tour, Retain Their Old Allure, With Their Members Four, It’ll Rock For Sure, New Sound Fresh And Pure, Second Album To Be More Mature, No Dates In Kuala Lumpur

So, hey, true story. I was seeing Tapes n Tapes at the Indian Summer festival in Glasgow last September when Josh Grier started tuning his guitar between songs. He was having trouble, and was making up banter to cover it up. Well, let me tell you, ol' Nunpuncher doesn't let a guy get away with weak shit like that. I bare my teeth and go in for the kill. "Get a job!" I yell. And people start laughing at him. "I -- I've got a job!" he yells, dismayed and embarrassed. "I'm going back to it in a week!"

Yeah, nice comeback, Oscar Wilde. Witty repartee, Woody Allen. Way to go, Charlie Chaplin.

So I'm pretty surprised that Tapes n Tapes are even on the road any more. You don't recover from a 100% pure beef Nunpuncher burn just like that. You ever heard of the Withering Sparrows? No? That's because they all hanged themselves after a gig at Nice N' Sleazy, where I made a joke about the drummer's hair. That's how damn good I am.

Don't ask me to repeat what I said. You'll probably try to kill yourself too. So, yeah. I guess I've got to hand it to Tapes n Tapes to conquer what I imagine must be some pretty major demons and get touring again. Just don't come anywhere near Glasgow with any of that poorly-tuned guitar nonsense, y'hear? I've got some dangerous new material, and I'm ready for you. Some of it's about your mothers. I'm warning you, cuz I respect you.


10. Two Italian films, Alessandro Angelini's L'Aria Salata and Paolo Sorrentino's L'Amico di Famiglia, feature songs by Antony and the Johnsons. No, they're not Spaghetti Westerns, jerk

09. After shooting both London performances in November and over 60 hours of touring and interview footage, Charlie Atlas and Antony are currently editing TURNING.
08. In collaboration with William Basinski, Antony is composing a sound installation to be featured at the Belsay Manor. Eat their asses LaMonte Young

07. Antony sang "Candy Says" with Lou Reed during the encores of his "Berlin" shows in Sydney, Australia. Julian Schnabel is producing a film of the New York Berlin performances. Loud Reed says song is really about Pixy Stix

06. In collaboration with composer Nico Muhly, Antony has scheduled a March 9 performance at the Brooklyn Academy of Music with the Brooklyn Philharmonic Orchestra. He's expected to play some new stuff. Also, expect some select dates in Europe this Spring. He's expected to play some new stuff. I'll probably go to each show, because he's expected to play some new stuff

05. Antony and Muhly composed a score for a Shakespeare sonnet. The score will be directed by Gavin Bryars and performed by the Opera North musicians February 24-25 at the Courtyard Theatre. "BORING!!!!!" one might say.
04. Who knew Björk was racist. Anyway, Antony sung a duet with Björk for her new album expected this Spring. This would've been much higher on the list, but you already knew this info, didn't you?
03. Antony and The Johnsons changed name to Green Day

02. Michael Cashmore of Current 93 has a new mini-album titled The Snow Abides, on which Antony sings all the vocals. David Tibet wrote the lyrics. You can order it NOW through Jnana Records.
01. Antony is hard-at-work (presumably) in the studio, recording new music themed around "ghosts and nature." He expects to be there for the next few months. There's no release date yet, of course, but I'm going to go ahead and give it a tentative release date of October 9, with an internet leak on August 28. Whether it will be released under the new Green Day moniker is still up in the air.

  

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