Fennesz Tours A Bunch Of Places You Don’t Live

Oh, boy! Oh, boyohboyohboy. It's that time of year again! Fennesz, the Atomic Austrian, Noise's Nobility, the Fuhrer of Feedback (uh, scratch that one), is on tour again, with Christian Fennesz' Fennocalypse 2007: The Fennal Reckoning (On Ice)! And yes, boys, he's bringing the Fenneszettes!

Those who experienced (or should I say survived!!!) Son Of Fennocalypse 2005 will know exactly what to expect. Holding on to the roof of a flaming monster truck with one hand, busting out massive solos on a Flying V with the other, he'll launch off a ramp (which is also on fire) and land on a custom-built stage covered in pagan iconography and the tour's sponsors' logos (Microsoft, Kinko's>, and his official baked goods sponsor, Dunkin' Donuts). Firing rockets from his gee-tar, he'll immediately launch into one of his huge hits -- most likely "Endless Summer (Of Rock)" or "Rivers Of Sand (On Fire, With Snakes Coming Out Of Them, And Naked Chicks And Stuff)."

Once that's done with, he'll invite his audience to be seated and experience some of his freeform spoken word art, influenced by the work of Bishop Berkeley, interpretations of the Voynich Manuscript and Dunkin' Donuts' new limited-edition Maple Cheddartm breakfast sandwich. At the end of this four-hour performance, a dragon (provided by Weta Workshop; sponsored by Mountain Dew) will rise from the rear of the stage; Fennesz will fight it off with a sword fashioned from the vertebrae of Yamatsuka Eye, Tim Hecker, and Dominik Fernow.

Fennesz will close the set with a medley of covers of showtunes from Grease, Fame, and The Lion King. This has in the past proven to be so awesome that audience members' heads have exploded, so better bring some waterproof clothing! After frenzied screams for an encore, he'll walk back on wearing nothing but a jewel-encrusted loincloth and with a very special guest -- God! After trading licks for a few minutes, Fennesz will bust out a 20-minute guitar solo of such awesome perfection that God will have no choice but to hand over the keys to creation itself. Fennesz will turn him down, declaring himself to be "nothing but a humble noisesmith" and giving God a delicious Dunkin' Donuts Chocolate Coconut Cake Donut and a copy of cendre, his second collaborative album with Ryuichi Sakamoto released this month by Commmons, as a peace offering.

And that's just the first night!

Christian Fenessz' Fennocalypse 2007: The Fennal Reckoning (On Ice), being set in Belgium and Lithuania and everything, is a little, er, out of the way for most of you (apart from you, Gediminas 'akaitien'! Say hiya!), but count yourself lucky. If Lithuania didn't work out, Fennesz was planning on the inky blackness of outer space. He can breathe in space, because he's better than you.

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