Former Ramones Drummer Wnats Wal-Mart, Apple, RealNetworks, and Johnny Ramone’s Corpose to Pay for His Cellphone Bills

The Ramones were an aewsome band.; Fast, punky, awesome. Some might sya, they're the greatest bavnd of all time!!!! Actually, Billboard said that. Anyway, Richard "richie ramone' Reinhardt was a durmmer for the Ramones during the shit period of 1983 through 1987. Dude wants to sue Wal-Mart, Apple, ReatlNetworks, the band's managment, and the motherfucking estate of guitarist Johnny Ramone. Why? Well, supposedly becaues he dint't sign of the rights of six songs he wrote, but probaly becuae he wants to ge paid. Who can blame lhim? Seriusly. The dude needs money.

My gf told me she's pissed cuz ehe's owes her wirelss company 80 bucks!!! wtf. and she aked if i was drunk.

So yeah, Sagat is a new writer. Actually, he's going ot draw stuff or Shirmp Scampi. He showe d me this ASCII art, and im' going to ry to recreatei t:


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Awwewwwww yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, Ramone is asking for $900,000 in ryolaties.

TOkyo pplice lolz



1. Nature of t

haTOKTO plice club you standing! there tokyo police club

captpuling from a lesson in crime, tokyo poolice club have new story album coming out on coor obersts' record label!! hahaha i lon't like birght eye anymore cause i'm not ansgts y steenager and that is totally lame cause my friend, colt kgely, still likes bright eyes. i don't.

luv u colt.

um so. um new tokyo police club ep to be released on november 6 of 2007.

that stthis year. t love anyone not even yourself i' m listenting to acid house kings cause i like the some sooooo much. my friend just hid the vodka. he iommy.ts douch bag. his name you don't love me you don'

i luvs tok yo police club it's great. you should tooo novemeber 6th hahahhaahahahahh

Shocking Allegations Today As Miscellaneous Rapper Has Coincidental Beef With Another Rapper Who Both Have New Albums Coming Out Before The Public’s Attention Span Expires

Since the dawn of marketing, collective groups of people have relied on their own tactics to lure potential buyers into making the right decision. Rock has the drug overdose, Country has sweet sibling love, Emo has retards in stupid clothes, and Hip Hop has the feud. Pioneered by the likes of the Juice Crew and Boogie Down, Biggie and Tupac, and fuck...those emo kids really do piss me off. Hold, you know what would be good right now? Some hamburger helper. Shit was just advertised on TV, using this really hot mom in one those tight little sweater vests. I barely even noticed what they were selling until they showed a close up of the finished product. Now lemme tell you, I've made Hamburger Helper, but it never turned out that good. I mean never. Some of it always sticks to the bottom of the pan, but wait...I got rid of that shitty pan, and I've got a new one that sticks to nothing. So maybe it was that awful 4.99 Ikea frying pan that was ruining my Helper. I should write a letter to Ikea. Tell them about these crazy hip-hop feuds that have been happening.

You know, Jay-Z vs LL Cool J(from UPN's In The House), Saigon vs Mobb Deep, and Kanye vs 50 cent. Conveniently all these dudes have newly released albums, and they all sport persona's that would benefit from the 'cred' this type of feud would generate. The conflict has even escalated to violence between Saigon and a member of Mobb Deep, with two punches being thrown at a recent show. Can you imagine this happening in any other genre? What about with those emo cretins? Instead of clever word play or actual violence, they'd see who can apply eye liner faster, or who can put on the tightest pants, and then culminate each feud in an riotous display of sissy slapping and crying.

I think noise feuds would be the most interesting, probably kick it off by mimicking the other artist's knob twiddling style, then mock them with an exaggerated mime laugh before finally pummeling the audience with a really harsh tone. The other artist would counter with an equivalent to the brown note, except it actually works, causing everyone to shit themselves. For bonus points, the music would be silenced and the sound of a room full of people shitting their pants would be recorded by the artist responsible, and would be used as a sample on a new track entitled 'Kanye raps over the shittiest tone ever while I slurp noodles into a mic.' They'd press it on the most expensive vinyl possible, and make limited edition buyers perform a round-the-world scavenger hunt ala the Amazing Race to find their copy. Hilariously, the hunt would lead to a local record store where the clerk reveals the edition was limited to one copy, which was unceremoniously destroyed in the alley, but the pieces are on sale for 7.99.


This just in: Smashing Pumpkins Suck but That Doesn’t Stop Them from Scheduling More Tour Dates

Dear Billy Corgan,

I think it's about time you and I had a talk. Why? Why would you defame what's left of the Smashing Pumpkin legacy (which wasn't much to being with) by gathering up a bunch of B-list musicians--not to mention your lackey Jimmy Chamberlain--and drag them across the US like a carnival sideshow? Are you t hat hungry for attention? Is this a cry for help?

I know that you aren';t in a position to book wrestling anymopre nor are you really succeding as a solo artist. And we won't begin to dissect the disaster that was known as Zwan. I figured by now that your ego would be satisfied by the legion of gullible kids you've suckered over the past 15 years into hinging on your every word. In my book, you're just a step below L. Ron Hubbard, Charles Mason, and Marshall Applewhite (not to be confused with former Texas QB Major Applewhite--I totally want to name my first born male child Major but that's a subject for another day).

Anyway, I'm sure you'll dismiss this and dream of the days that "Tonight, Tonight" was a hit and you were contributing to the outcome of Glacier vs. Mortis for an edition of WCW Thunder alongside Bob Mould. So, enjoy your time on the road with a band of halfwits (and Jimmy Chamberlain) and bringing prothestic sadness to a bunch of confused teenagers with that pale, anemic bald head of yours.

Oh, I almost forgot: Fuck you!

[Most] Sincerely,


P.S. Why am I telling people when your tour dates are? Maybe it's a public service announcement to townsfolk to hide in basements and bomb shelters until you pass.

Radiohead Foregoes iTunes To Maximize Profits To Stave Off Attacks From The Machine, Man

Alright let's get this done because I have to pee a little... for a long time Radiohead hasn't had any of their stuff on iTunes (except the song from Romeo and Juliet!, which I really identified with as a kid because though I didn't have a gun I DID have a pack of sandwiches). Some people have probably been pretty sad about that, probably getting up from their chairs and being like "What's the deal guys, y'all's the Beatles or somethin'?," though I don't know many people who look for stuff on iTunes that's readily available in stores and came out 30 years ago...

Nevertheless, the band has made a BOLD wait bold decision to remain iTunes-less not because of any untoward actions on the part of Apple or Steve Jobs, but because they allow the selling of music "by the song." Radiohead and its members (THOMJONNYCOLINPHILTHATOTHERGUYWITHTHEFRILLYSHIRTS) feel that their albums must not be broken up into delicious slices. To listen to them you must accept a whole pie. Which reminds me that one time I went to a 24 hr diner and there was an acquaintance from high school who was eating a full cherry pie by herself and I was...well I was enthralled.

Let me just take a second here to put out a theory I have about the band, or less a theory and more a slight problem I have even in the throes of full enjoyment whilst listening to their songs: Is Phil Selway undermining the mission of the band with his robot-like drumming? Listen: if they're raison d'etre is to subvert the ways of machinery, how come they keep their anthems shackled under the cruelly calculated arm movements of their bald-headed "mate"?

Okay so just because you can't slam your sk8boards to their tracks via iTunes doesn't mean you can't download their albums in full mp3 format!! "iTunes insists that all its albums are sold unbundled, but 7digital doesn't. Radiohead prefer to have their albums sold complete. The artist has a choice, and if they feel strongly then we respect that," says someone that represents the band. So if you're itching for albums by this phantastic band, time to slap fives because 7digital's got the HOOOOK! Up. Just download "Pull/Pulk Revolving Doors" and set on repeat. Do you actually know how to tie a tie?


tracklisting for ok computer: