Bon Iver’s Big Spankable Tour
By Hatchet on Oct 29 2008
In a perfect world, Bon Iver would provide the soundtrack to the film adaptation of the romance novel, Big Spankable Asses. At first thought, you may think the tender music of Bon Iver might clash with the blunt substance of a movie like Big Spankable Asses, and you'd be exactly right. They wouldn't go together at all, IF you let some Hollywood bigwig muck it all up by changing the purity of the story.
Big Spankable Asses is written in the literary tradition of E.M. Forster's An Assage to India and Graham Greene's The Quiet Ass. The story takes place in 1940s New York City, following an ass-loving private detective who is wrapped up in a murder mystery after his partner is killed. He finds himself with a femme fatale, searching for the stuff dreams are made of: Big Spankable Asses. He thinks he's found the mythical items, but they're made of lead. Oops!
The story is delicate and emotional, and it needs someone like Bon Iver to paint a soothing picture over the pain and greed for asses that is our humanity. I'd like to write the adaptation, but I know those Hollywood turkeys would turn it into some sleazy sex romp with guys running around bottomless getting all ass-crazy. I haven't approached Bon Iver with the proposition yet, but I'm confident we can maintain the integrity of the work of all three original authors. I'll try and meet up with Bon Iver at all of these locations:
Justice Releases Live DVD Full of Tour Secrets and Puns
By Melissa Muenz on Oct 28 2008
French electronic artists Justice are simultaneously breaking into the world of puns and live DVD releases. In an effort to capture the essence of the band's live experience, director friends Romain Gavras and So-Me taped the band nearly non-stop during its three-week tour of the U.S. in March 2008. A documentary of the edited footage is set to be released December 9 under the name A Cross the Universe (har).
Justice are best known for their bass-slapping, sample-happy tunes, as well as for their eccentric live shows. And A Cross the Universe film makers Gavras and So-Me are no strangers to the duo -- each have directed a video or two for the band. So while the live CD can give folks a taste of the well-known Justice live show, a set of friends' eyes behind the camera will tell a more intimate tale of the duo taking on America with their giant, light-up cross.
The DVD/CD combo will be released on Atlantic Records with screenings set around the band's fall tour. Here's a treat for you:
Confirmed DJ dates:
EMI Reports Over $1 Billion in Losses… Wait, I Think Another Now That’s What I Call Music Just Dropped Yesterday… Make That $0.72 Billion
By Nobodaddy on Oct 28 2008
The results are in, sports fans! Last year, the world watched (and music writers eagerly lampooned) as the illimitable Terra Firma president Guy Hands (your friend and mine) "seized" control of the tanking EMI Music with the goal of whipping the corporation into some kind of financial solvency. Now, the results are in as to just how well EMI fared during its first fiscal year under Hands' thumb. And, well, let’s just say that "terra firma" seems to be a pretty apt description of its ultimate trajectory.
All in all, EMI has reported a loss of £757 million, that's $1.2 billion U.S., for the year ending March 31 of this year; not exactly the band aid that the music giant was looking for, I'm sure. In fact, the loss is more than double that of the previous fiscal year, where EMI lost a piddly £287 million (or $454.4 million). Revenue also dropped from £1.8 billion ($2.85 billion) last year to £1.45 billion ($2.3 billion) this year.
But Hands probably isn't biting his nails over this just yet, as the report also included an introduction from former BBC executive and current "right Hands man" Lord Birt (seriously!), who was eager to note that despite "continuing underperformance from EMI Music" and "the absence of rosy assurances about the future," all hope is not lost. Well, Halleluiah. Birt goes on to assert that the report "does not signal any lack of confidence in EMI, but sets out the problems that were faced in the year," adding that EMI's costs were too high and that its system was unable to tell how profitable its individual acts were. You know, no big deal. It'll probably work itself out.
But also, since these figures only run up to March 31 of this year, they do not include any results from many of this year's hit albums, including Coldplay's smash Viva La Vida or Death And All His Friends (TMT Review) or Katy Perry's either obnoxious or just plain innocuous single "I Kissed A Girl," both of which could somewhat substantially bolster next year's bottom line (if all recorded music isn't free by then). In point of fact, only three EMI albums surpassed one million in sales during the time frame accounted for by the report, plus two of those always-great NOW compilations. Then there's those pesky one-off restructuring costs of £123 million ($195.8 million) relating to those faceless 1,500 staffers who were laid off worldwide, which shouldn't really burden future profit margins -- just the families of all those unemployed people.
If you're up to it, the entire 101-page report can be read online as a PDF file here. Meanwhile, EMI states that another report coming later this year will lay out its future strategy and plans, which I'm pretty sure just means that there'll be no Christmas Bonuses this year. Bummer.
Small Tour, Big/Family; Akron/Family on Tour
By Kenny Bloggins on Oct 28 2008
Akron/Family, as a holiday gift to you, have just curated a small (albeit effective) tour, braving some of the coldest parts of the country in winter, in an effort to warm your heart (dawww). The tour is split across the month, presumably so the/Family can spend time with their real/ones, starting out in Chicago and finishing up with a grand New Year's Eve performance at New York's Knitting Factory. No support announced as of yet, so go see about/them here for the updates.
The/collective has also been in the studio this fall working on a follow-up to last year's excellent Love is Simple (TMT Review), so hopefully, they're gonna bring us a first/glimpse at what they've been doing on their Christmas Vacation.
