For my 50th TMT News Story Anniversary, we initially had a whole party planned – cake, noise-makers, those pointy paper hats with garrote wire elastic chinstraps. That was until the TMT Central Planning Committee voted down the “ungreen” idea. Sending 50+ paper invitations by mail would have been kind of expensive, and plus no one had time to go to Party City for supplies. It was tentatively decided to put all events on hold, at least until the whole Tijuana fiasco blew over. Plus Mr P said that if Jose Gonzalez could figure out a way to make his upcoming North American tour bodaciously green, then why not us.
But Scout Leader Kyle (whose TMT legacy was celebrated a few weeks prior), Petya Romanov (whose legacy includes, but isn’t limited to, the various strands of the herpes virus currently circulating the office (TMT News), and I decided to go for it anyway.
Using inconceivably complex Google-like metrics to triangulate the closest rendezvous point, we met in Claysville, Pennsylvania at Allum's Family Restaurant off I-70. We managed to scrape up enough money from the TMT Petty Cash box for a decorative cake and some thruway trinket party favors.
Ordering round after round of dribbly black coffee in the coal-mining bosom of rural Appalachia, the meal could have been described as peaceful, even serene, by most standards. I picked at the remnants of my fried egg and cheese as we discussed Dreamcast, tourdate formatting, and titty bars.
“I mean, not to get too technical, but isn’t this really your 53rd story?” said Petya nervously eying his bike locked outside.
“Yeah, but this whole ‘green’ thing turned out to be such a hassle,” I responded. “It took a week to get my VW converted to bio-diesel. And stopping at the Cracker Barrel in Wilkes-Barre to fill up on fryer grease was such a hassle.”
“I don’t mind eating off biodegradable plates, but having to wipe with that brown paper bag TP? I’m not so sure,” chimed in Scout.
“I think this whole ‘green’ thing is all just a marketing ploy. I don’t buy it,” said Petya.
Silence rolled over the group in tacit agreement, already thinking of ways to make the next batch of tour news interesting and/or self indulgent.
Gail, who’d been dutifully replenishing the coffee all afternoon, came back to deliver the check.
“Why is this cake in the shape of a boner?”
$ Mountain Stage TV Taping
@ Mia Doi Todd
