!!!: Getting You Laid Since 1996; Shake Your Ass On Their Upcoming Tour (With Someone Else!)

!!! (or chk chk chk) are a damn sexy band. And the best part? Hardly any "normal" people know who the hell they are or even how to say their name. So for simpletons with lofty ambitions of quick feet, bumping and grinding, they're the ultimate enablers. By no fault of their own, the New York City group has become the dance-punk name-drop of the moment, as The Rapture flounder and LCD Soundsystem bursts through the stratosphere. Trying to impress one of those "party" girls who might normally scoff at your pasty skin, timid demeanor and fragile frame? Just watch in awe as they can hardly contain themselves as soon as you drop some knowledge about your "all-time favorite band."

It might go a little something like this:

Pasty, Timid, Fragile Reader: Great party, eh?

Out-of-Your-League Person: OMG, I know! Don't you just love "Ay Bay Bay"? I could dance to this all night...

PTFR: Oh, is that what's playing? This isn't really my style... I usually stick with !!! and the like.

OOYLP: Excuse me? Are those real words?

PTFR: Actually, no. !!! are a band from New York City by way of Sacramento that plays pulsing and dynamic dance music. Their name is pronounced "chk chk chk" or any other combination of percussive noises, but when written out, it's spelled !!!. Edgy, right?

OOYLP: Tell me more; you're making me hot.

PTFR: Well, they're actually heading out on a tour later this month, hitting up all kinds of venues around the United States and a date in Canada. They're supporting their latest album, Myth Takes (TMT Review).

OOYLP: Oh, baby.

PTFR: Some of the songs groove so hard that you just need another body up against you.

OOYLP: Damn... do you wanna go upstairs?

It'd love to describe what happens at this point, but since this is a family-friendly site, I'm going to have to leave the rest up to your imagination. But let me just say that Myth Takes has some sexy grooves. When they come through your town, maybe you'll have someone to rub up against instead of awkwardly eyeing that stranger next to you in the front row. The bottom line? Flex this kind of tasteful prowess, and you'll be buying two tickets instead of one faster than you can say "Me And Giuliani Down By The Schoolyard (A True Story)."

Bring! A! Date!: